Am I overreacting

[gummibearz]

My bf and I have been fighting alot lately and its really having a toll on our relationship.

 

Today was his bday and yesterday he asked me for a favor. He said for his bady he wanted to play world of warcraft with me and just relax at my place. I said okay. Previous to this he asked me to cook for him which I had already purchased and prepared for in advance so today all I had to do was throw it together easy peasy.

 

He comes over and sets his stuff up and immediately gets on the game, he's not very computer literate so he runs into an issue. I'm worken on making a cake and I told him give me a few seconds and he is starting to get whiney. I bite my tongue and go help him out and go back to cooking. He snaps at me now saying I didn't fix it and I ask him to give me a sec and he snaps at me this time to come make it work because he is in a rush to get in the game to get ready to raid and that I need to hurry up and get ready to raid too. I ask but what about dinner you said you were hungry?

 

So I become this culinary ninja, cooking and going to and fro from my computer trying to play the damn game and cook for him. We started raiding about 6:30ish. He had his headphones and music on the entire time. I try to talk to him he either doesn't hear me or tells me to hold on and never gets back to me, even tho im sitting not 10ft from him. He eats his food and the 2 layer cake in front of the computer. 11:45 and I give up on raiding. I go and sit on the sofa alone and watch tv, occasionally giving him forlorn glances and he is just ignoring me. I give up and I go to another room to read and 20min go by before he noticed I was gone and asked me to come sit in the room while he raided which he does until 1:30 and then he comes gives me a squinch and says he is tired and is going to go home. I frown and he says what is wrong?

 

I say, I know all you wanted was to play wow with me for your bday... but you didn't. You ignored me all night. He says well meby my idea of company is different than yours and I did what I wanted to do for my bday. I ask him, but at no point did you just want to just sit by me, relax and be close or something? So now he is mad at me for not accepting what he wanted to do and I'm upset because I worked my butt off tonight to be ignored for 7hours and he can't see that. Am I wrong for being upset? Should I have just kept biting my tongue and accepted it?

[PlumGT]

I don't think you were wrong for being upset. Judging from what you described, it seems that he doesn't appreciate what you were doing for him. /huggles. you were amazing being able to cook, raid, and didn't throw a hissy fit.

[SamiJayne]

I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend ignores me when he's playing/raiding. Yet if I'm busy doing something on wow, or watching tv, or reading. it's perfectly fine for him to bug me, and its insulting if i ignore him.

 

When we're at our own places, and I have to whisper him, and he ignores my whispers as there not as important as the people who are raiding. Even if i am raiding. Annoys me to hell and back.

 

But you get used to it after a few years.

 

It's taken my enjoyment out of the game, it's not nice to be ignored at all. Yet when you treat them the same its the end of the world.

[Frame]

It's not nice to be ignored at all. Yet when you treat them the same its the end of the world.

 

I don't think it's a good idea to put up with this. I think it's dangerous to accept being a second class citizen in your relationship; someone with less rights to feel, or less rights to basic respects.

 

My boyfriend spends a lot of time gaming, but he understands that unless he breaks it up and there's a reward for my patience, then he won't see me. This has been my single most successful method for dealing with this issue, and it came about through honest exasperation: I told him - I can't be in your house when you are spending hours on the computer, we need to do other things to have a relationship. And then I stuck to that. If he asked me to hang out I'd ask what he wanted to do, if he said anything about gaming I said - let's leave it tonight. If he played a switcheroo and started gaming when I turned up - I'd ask for how long - and if I didn't like the proposed duration, or he exceeded it, I went home. He got used to this, and now if he wants to game, he does it mostly on his own, or for short periods, and if he wants to hang out and spend time together, he asks me to meet up. BTW, he got the message in one week!

[lapseinjudgement]

birthdays are not a be an ass and get away with it for free card.

Some people dont see what they have. I would personally never do that a game should not be more important then your loved one no matter the occasion.

You should be mad i would have thrown a fit.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

There seems to be legions of guys these days who are more interested in gaming than their girlfriends. It can become an addiction like anything else, and this kind of totally self absorbed behavior is a hallmark of addiction. He wants his WoW fix and you are just there to support him and make him comfortable while he gets it.

 

If i were you, i'd uninstall it off my computer so he doesn't try to do this at your house all the time.

 

And if he neglects you enough, go find someone who isn't a game addict. People can viewing gaming as entertainment or obsession, and if you get someone obsessed with it it is no different than dating a drug addict or alcoholic.

[lady00]

People can viewing gaming as entertainment or obsession, and if you get someone obsessed with it it is no different than dating a drug addict or alcoholic.

 

This seems to essentially be the problem. He's so addicted to the game that he doesn't realize or care about what's happening around him. I've read far too many stories here about people who ignore their partners to obsess over WOW. It's really disturbing. Perhaps you should try to encourage him to spend time out of the house and away from the computer and to talk to someone about it if he really is addicted?

[Circe]

Unless this is completely a one-off thing - he sounds horribly selfish to me.

[Maya_A]

Agree with all - his behavior & attitude were horrible & unkind....

[Lamprey]

Ah, I think this thread needs a guy's perspective

 

Guys enjoy computer games. I don't know why, but we do. I do too. And when playing a computer game, the absolute worst, most annoying thing is being bugged for attention constantly, then being sent on a guilt trip after. Also, this is an MMO he wanted to play. Some people aren't aware but these kinds of games require your attention, and they require it for many hours. When he told you he wanted to play WoW for his birthday, all he wanted was to be able to do just that - play WoW for his birthday. What he did not want was having to break it off every once in a while (not easy in an MMO) and spend time with you. What he *really* did not want was you giving him a hard time about when he was done. After all, you did tell him it was okay beforehand, right?

 

Before you ask, no, he can't easily tear himself away for 10 minutes to sit next to you.

 

I used to play MMOs myself so I do understand how he feels quite well. But due to their nature, I uninstalled them when I started seriously dating my gf because I realized there is no way to play an MMO effectively and be able to devote the amount of time to a girl that she needs to be happy. What I did was switch to playing single-player games that I can easily pause and set some boundaries with my gf as far as games are concerned. I won't play much anymore, but I do insist that she allow me game time that's uninterrupted. Game time for me is an 8 hr block of time once week or once every two weeks. Usually that ends up being half of Sunday. And no makeups - if we're, say, away somewhere on a weekend and I don't get to play, I don't play on Tuesday to make up for it. I'm hers any other times whenever she wants me, and I do follow through in that I don't "steal" playtime other days.

 

She was at first upset that I was "ignoring" her when I played games. I think it may be genetic, women just don't grasp the concept of not interrupting their guy But with some effort on my part (when she does interrupt, I hit pause and pay attention to her) and some effort on her part (she tries to keep busy in other ways as much as she can) we've managed to make it work.

 

Maybe this is something you guys can try. Define times when he gets to play games and stick to them. Be home during those times, get him a drink every once in a while when he's gaming or walk by & give him a kiss so he knows you're not upset, but leave him alone. In return, expect him to stick to those times and spend others with you