don't know how to move on

[unicornfur]

my boyfriend and i of 3 years broke up 3 weeks ago. it was (in my opinion) completely out of the blue, and i was crushed. we went to college togehter, and when we graduated in may, i moved three hours away. until 2 days before the break up, he was actively trying to find a job near me, and move so that we could be closer together. then, i went to visit him, and he broke up with me immediately. he said he needs time alone to find himself, and that i didn't do anything wrong. but now, just 3 weeks later, he is dating other people, and apparently doesn't miss me at all, because he doesn't return my calls or e-mails, nor does he seem at all interested in how i'm doing. i miss him more than anything, he was my best friend and helped me through 3 very hard years. i feel that without any kind of closure, i can't move on. i had no idea the break up was coming, as 2 days before he was telling me he loved me, couldn't wait to see me, and wanted us to move closer together. however, i know no closure is coming, so i don't know how i can go about being whole again. when i'm with friends, i'm fine, but becuase i recently moved to this new place and i work and am in school all the time, i don't know a ton of people, and when i'm alone, it feels like someone punched me in the stomach at all times becuase i miss him so bad. i keep thinking he'll realise he made a mistake, but that is becoming more and more unlikley as he goes longer and longer without bothering to call me, and continues to date more new people. i don't know how to start moving on.

[arwen]

Hi and welcome to ENA

 

I am sorry that your ex ended things so abruptly. Moving on is hard, but it is particularly hard when you have so little explanation for what happens. It could be that he has been reconsidering the relationship for a longer while, but that does not explain why he would not give you any reasons. I'd want an explanation. Maybe it's wise to wait a few more weeks (until you know you are calm enough to speak with him without crying), and call him. Then you could tell him that you are doing fine, but that it's important for you to know the truth for closure. He owes you that much I think.

 

take care,

 

Arwen

[brokenheart1]

it's a good thing he's ignoring you. really because it's a good way to move on, it is very hurtful but at least it makes sense. it's better then him leading you on and on and on and on. just to break at the end. just go out and meet people . it's not easy. i'm there too, i'm just trying to pick up the pieces of my life too.

[AJ Auteur]

Go no contact. Every day of no contact will be a small drop to getting your self respect back.

[thejigsup]

The best way to move on is to have fun and enjoy your life. He is. Life is too short to mourn someone with no class.

[Janet982]

While my circumstances were different, my ex reacted the same way to our breakup by not calling or contacting. It was really hard to deal with at first but you have to start by just taking things a minute at a time. Work up to an hour and then days and weeks. After a while it becomes much more bearable and then you won't even think about him. I know that is hard to believe but it is true. Just try to move on and have fun. Surround yourself with wonderful friends that will help you and when he does call please just ignore him. It will not make things any easier if you try to answer then phone and talk to him. Just remember...it's called a breakup because it's broken. You may not see it right not but it is.

[Butterflygrl]

Yes, welcome to ENA you will find the support you need here. You know what a good sign is? That when you're with your friends and doing things, you feel alright. That is great you will get over him. It's loneliness you feel and that will pass. That being said, right now you have to accept that he has moved on. You won't find closure, nor should you ask. Keep your dignity. Sometimes people come into our lives for a reason and then they go. They teach us something. In your case, he was there to help you through a difficult time. Let it go. Thank him silently and let him go. try to keep yourself from analyzing why he doesnt call you or text you. You have no other choice but to work through this. When you feel like calling him, come to ENA, when you feel like texting him, come to ENA. i assure you, it will help it will get you through the lonely times.

Stay strong

[sparkles4]

I have a feeling this guy might be going through one of those "grass is greener" phases. You said you were together three years during college. Maybe he feels that by being in a relationship, he missed out on the whole "college lifestyle" of hooking up and meeting lots of people, and wants to take some time to see who else is out there before he makes any serious commitments. This would explain why he's suddenly dating around. He says he needs to "find himself." This could be because he's still a young guy, and for the past three years he's only functioned as part of a couple, and maybe wants to take some time to get to know himself as an individual.

 

This is just a theory, I really don't know the guy or what his motivations truly are. But based on the background you gave, I think it's something to think about.