making changes during nc.. how will they know?

[jammer180]

ok, so first off, i will just say that i know nc is for us and not for them or a tool to use to get them back.... however, having said that, i know that some of us do hope to use it as a tool while bettering ourselves to hopefully bring back our exes. i really do know and believe that its important in the healing process though, and i've been pretty good about keeping nc too. but i just have a bit of a question about it...

 

everyone says that in nc you are supposed to heal yourself and work on yourself and that changes you make to better yourself will be noticeable to your ex and others. my question though, what if you have no contact with your ex at all and no way for them to see your changes? i deleted him off my facebook. yes i have an open profile that he can search, but if my status updates aren't showing up on his page becuase i'm not on his friends list, what if he just doesn't search me after awhile and never sees the word i'm doing to make myself better and work on me? Also, if one of the things we are to work on is neediness or something like that, then how would they ever know we've changed that? You can't tell that from facebook photos anyway.

 

For those of us that do try to better ourselves in hopes of bringing back an ex, how do we show them? Has anyone better'd themselves during nc or lc, and gotten their ex back? Any stories would be great as i'm sure im not the only one that is wondering about this. I think it's what makes going nc so hard is that they will never know what is going on with us...

 

thanks!

[kaoticbaby]

well if there's no contact and no way of bumping into eachother, it's going to be pretty tough unless sometime down the line you decide to break NC. It's perfectly acceptable, in my opinion, to finally break NC sometime down the line when you are finally getting over the breakup and you truly have changed. A "hey, long time no talk" message on facebook or MSN wouldn't hurt. If he doesn't answer, however, it's time to cut your losses.

[i_win]

Changes aren't for them to see.