Walking The Road One More Time?

[StillSmiling]

I need some input here. Just when I think I have answered my own question, I change my answer.

 

Here's the Reader's Digest version: Almost 9 month relationship that got very intense very fast. We both confessed love after only about 5 weeks into it, and we have both been married and in our fifties. Spent 4-5 evenings a week together and traveled extensively. I thought it was perfect.

 

No real arguments or disagreements EXCEPT for when I was having a bad day (not related to him) and needed some space and would "head off to my cave" for a few hours or an evening. He felt banished by this. The third time I did it, and in no way meaning to hurt him by it, he flipped out and kicked me to the curb. No discussion, no warning, nothing. That was 3 1/2 months ago.

 

For 2 weeks after we emailed back in forth, him saying it was over, me trying to understand it all, him saying he was ready to talk and then changing his mind, me going slowly insane. He finally wrote one last time "it's over". Never a harsh word between us, actually quite a bit of sadness on both sides, but I left it alone.

 

About a month later, he accidentally sent me some spam stuff (along with everyone else on his mailing list) and I emailed him back and told him to PLEASE take me off his list, that he just broke my heart again. He apologized, I then asked again if we could talk ... a walk in the park and he agreed. Sweet and sad but I understood more. He said he would call me because he "does not want me out of his life". OK, I get it. I've been friendzoned.

 

So, STUPIDLY, about 3 weeks later and he has NOT called, I call him to attend a festival. He thinks it's a great idea. Again, ends in disaster. And soft and sweet but he "can't go back". So I'm back in the toilet

So it's NC for me and made it 36 days. Till I notice he has put me back on his buddy list and we can see each other online. So I write asking why? And how is he? Turns into a phone call. I act all happy and lead him to believe I have moved onto something pretty serious. After the call I fall apart all over again and start NC again.

 

Here's the problem: He left a bouquet of flowers and a card on my porch for my birthday a few days ago. I wrote him to thank him, he wrote back and asked about going out "sometime next week" for a drink.

 

Do I DARE walk through that door again? I have not answered his mail. As far as I know, he is not involved with anyone new, but he thinks I am.

 

My friends say I am crazy and am only going to hurt myself again. One friend here thinks I need to go for the closure. Is he perhaps still interested? Pretty sure not, but it was over-the-top flowers for just a "friend". AND, he thinks I am involved with someone else.

 

And, do I just need that one last encounter to get unstuck from this space, because I am NOT doing well anymore.

 

Drop it and always wonder? Go and most likely get a final kick in the teeth?

 

Sorry, this ended up longer than I had planned ...

[i_win]

He sounds like an emotional mess. Maybe has abandonment issues. Seems like he wants to be wanted unconditionally, but when you screw up it's a unforgivable problem. He says it's over yet keeps you on a string. I think he knows he has this power and enjoys playing it.

 

I think the problem is, everytime he throws one of his lines, you write, email, call, or IM him asking.

 

I'd say stop giving him any attention at all. Stop responding or questioning his presense. Just simply ignore him. It will just continue to cause this drama. That's all it is, is drama. Find someone more stable.

[loulee]

Go out with him one way or another you will get a result an answer at the least..i think you really want to go this self torture cant be fun..Some men need to live and experience their lonliness before they can have an honest look at what was wrong..The cave thing of yours needs to stop . i laughed when i read that I thought the men owned the caves!!!...no one knows better than you whats need here...and to date you have shown him that you want him back enourmously he knows this..but since you have played the game of pretending your with someone new he MAY just be thinking its now or never I want her back or at the worst end of the scale this lady who cant get over me is finally getting over me with someone new and his ego is bruised...Find out then youll have your answers..

[StillSmiling]

Thanks for the couple of responses.

 

Gotta play it out.

 

Once last time ... just to move forward.

[blue_dahlia]

Hi SS

 

I believe you responded to his email (about meeting this week for a drink) and said that you would like to meet.

 

Are you going to wait for him to initiate the date and time?

 

P.S. I would go for the drink as well. My advice, don't talk about the past or the future.