I think I'm going to go crazy.

[knightingale]

I need to vent to an unbiased group of people. It's a rambling mess but I have to put it somewhere.

 

I know relapsing just happens. It's all a part of healing. But it is so defeating. Like, no matter how strong I try to be it isn't strong enough. I'll be feeling fine, actually empowered and good about losing him and being free to be able to find myself, then out of nowhere it hits me that we loved each other at one point and now he's in the process of falling in love with someone else. He replaced what we had so easily. Like it meant nothing to him. He's contradicting everything he ever said he loved about me by being with this girl who is the exact opposite. He's not looking back at all. The only time he ever contacts me is when he sends a mass text message to meet up for soccer. I can't even go play my favorite sport anymore because he's there. I gave him the idea I could be friends with him, but I can't. His new relationship unfolds before my eyes everyday and it kills me, but I can't escape it because this town is so damn small.

 

I feel so desensitized and angry. I've been on dates with some amazing guys lately, one of which is a good friend of mine, and can't feel anything. I have a good time. We laugh and joke and get along. They all have qualities I would typically want in a guy. They're much better than the ex in so many ways. But he's there, in my head, with her and it makes me want to punch something. ](*,) I just feel like I can't feel anything for anyone.

 

I dream about him or both of them every night. Sometimes it's him wanting me back, telling me he screwed up. Other times it's him and her hanging all over each other, but I'm in the room and he's talking to me like I'm just some person who shouldn't mind or even notice.

 

Everyone keeps saying it won't last between them. If he keeps his usual pattern, then no, it won't last. I get the awful feeling it will, though. I think it has mostly to do with the fact that the last guy I dated is marrying the girl he dated after me, so I'm just assuming it's going to happen again. But I'm terrified it's my intuition. The same intuition that told me something was going on between them before I even knew there was anything.

 

But why should I care?!? It doesn't make sense for me to care. He has a drinking problem (but she drinks too, so it works out). He's loud and obnoxious and tactless. He's competitive to the point where it's annoying. He's stubborn to the point that you can't even get a word in edge-wise before he starts knocking what you have to say. He's selfish and refuses to grow up. His words speak louder than his actions most of the time. But he has such pretty words . . . And I miss his face and his laugh and his smile and his arms. And the actions he did do were sweet ones. But they were small in number. I know he's doing the same things for her. She's falling for the same guy I did. But he just does that. He paints a pretty picture and then the truth comes out, and it's a painful truth.

 

I mean. Can this relationship really change him? Will he really do a 180 and be the man he needs to be for her? He thought I was the one who would make him get a hold of himself and be who he needs to be, but I wasn't. He wasn't ready for a relationship with me, so will she really make the difference? It's not going to be her, is it? Isn't that something he needs to do on his own?

 

I'm just so tired of being fine one minute and then crying my eyes out on the bathroom floor the next. It's been two months. He's moved on, why can't I? He did it in two weeks.

 

I really loved him and he couldn't care less. I think that's what kills me everyday.

[lisa1126]

When you are able to think more clearly, ask yourself, why am I still in "love" with someone who left me for another woman? The moment he did that, he has not been worth your time. Of course, your pain and hurt will be there for you to go through, but in terms of missing him?

 

No, he was not worthy of your love, that's why it didn't work out, it's his loss. Whether he's going to be with this other girl for good or not shouldn't even be an issue with you. After initial passion and feelings, all relationships, to succeed, involve two mature, growing people willing to COMMIT to the relationship no matter what. NO, no one can "change" this guy. That's something HE needs to do. So, the answer to that question about whether this girl can be the one to change him? NO.

[HoTung]

Hey I am exactly where you are - everything you wrote i can relate to and i am on 8 months of break up

 

so yes this sodding relapsing can go on for a while

 

man you literally took all the words from my mouth

[beeter64]

God, everything you said is just how I feel. Although, I am much older and I was engaged to mine. Yes, it hurts like hell. I still relapse, even after two years. I have gone out with others but feel the same way you do. I'm seriously considerng counseling so I can finally let go. Maybe this could help you also? Hang in there. You are young. I know it still hurts but you have so much a head of you. I'm 44 so if feels a lot worse. Everyone I know is settled with someone and now he is too. Anyway, take care. You will still relapse ever now and then but it does get better over time.

[knightingale]

Thank you for the reply, lisa. At this point my heart just needs to catch up with my head, but it's taking its precious time.

 

To HoTung and beeter---I'm sorry both of you have been going through a similar situation. It sucks. I'm really sorry you were so hurt, beeter. I hope you are able to move past this. I did counseling for the first couple of weeks, but I haven't been back since he started seeing the new girl. I might go back. We'll see.

[Nearwater]

I'm with you all too, if that makes anyone feel better. My ex GF is with the guy the dumped me for, and was just home here for a week and did not check in. I too have been hoping her would treat her as badly as all his other ex's and she would miss me, but that is just holding me / you from healing up.

 

I am so sick of crying over her in the middle of the night...

[knightingale]

It's just so annoying to KNOW you are wasting tears on someone but still being unable to stop yourself from mourning someone who just doesn't care.

[HoTung]

my ex's new gf isn;t a rebound - he has known her for 4 years - can you suddenly develop feelings for someone overnight

[knightingale]

Just because he already knew her doesn't mean she's not (potentially) a rebound. I was a rebound for my friend of four years for a short while. You turn to something familiar after a break up. It happens. Feelings don't develop overnight, but they don't take too much longer. My ex was in love with me still (so he said) two weeks after the break up but he was still pursuing the new girl. Eventually he left me in the dust for her. And by eventually, I mean it took another week. Four weeks later they're in an official relationship.

 

Don't focus on whether or not it's a rebound. Fact of the matter--and this is painful for me to say to you because I have to say it to myself: if he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. He's going to do what he's going to do and there is nothing you can do about it. It's a harsh truth and I hate it. But it's the truth, nonetheless. So whether or not they only last another month, in the end he chose someone else. It was a stupid decision, but it was his to make. And I am speaking a collective "he" for both of us.

 

I'm sorry. For all of us. We don't deserve to hurt like this.

[brokenheart1]

god, i know it hurts =/ it'll get better

[exploding head]

Im so sorry. I really understand how you feel. Im going through the same thing. Lately it seems all I do is cry.

[HoTung]

you were a rebound for your friend of 4 years - how long did that last? and are you still friends?

 

I doubt my ex's new girl is a rebound as they dated 4-5 months after we broke up

[phoenixgirl]

I almost thought I wrote the initial post--things seem so similar. Being replaced immediately by a girl who's totally different, dreaming about one day he would want me back and I would say "you screwed up, and I don' trust you anymore", all the problems he had that I could hardly bear but now they don't seem problems at all, and hoping they won't last long but knowing they probably will last pretty long....

 

What I am trying to say is, I feel your pain, and it's very normal for us to feel angry. I have also been trying to figure out all the questions you asked. And I am so exhausted.

 

Now I tell myself it's not important. Why he chose to leave me, why he chose her, are they going to be happy everafter....should not be important. What's more important is that i get myself back.

 

Time will heal.

[Panda2008]

I mean. Can this relationship really change him? Will he really do a 180 and be the man he needs to be for her? He thought I was the one who would make him get a hold of himself and be who he needs to be, but I wasn't. He wasn't ready for a relationship with me, so will she really make the difference? It's not going to be her, is it? Isn't that something he needs to do on his own?

 

It's been two months. He's moved on, why can't I? He did it in two weeks.

 

 

Hey there, sorry you are hurting, it stinks hey?

 

Just wanted to reply to this bit of your post. I don't think another relationship will change him, more than likely he will continue to do exactly as he pleases without having to change (ie drinking) and that's why he's found a new drinking buddy g/friend.

 

My ex also moved on two weeks later, some men will always be like this, replacing one with another without much thought. Be pleased you are free to find someone else who is right for you.

[ahop]

I too feel your pain. I contacted my ex this Friday for the first time in over 3 months and she told me that she was seeing someone. I hurt but a couple hours later I found out it was a guy that I know. A friend of mutual friends of ours. The guy is a scuzzball drunk that she used to help pick up nasty girls as his wingman and we would have laughs about it. I'm sick and appalled by it.

 

But it's made me realize that she isn't worth one second of my mind anymore after her behavior and decisions. The same is true with all of us on here. WE SHOULD NOT LET THEM CONTROL OUR MINDS FOR ONE SECOND. They don't give a sh*t about us, why should we about them?

[knightingale]

you were a rebound for your friend of 4 years - how long did that last? and are you still friends?

 

I doubt my ex's new girl is a rebound as they dated 4-5 months after we broke up

 

Yeah, he's one of my best friends still. He's now actually interested in me again (started being interested in me while I was with the ex), and it's been a year since his break up, but now I am trying to avoid him becoming a rebound for me. It's really complicated . . .

 

I don't know what to tell you about your ex and his new girl. Only time will tell at this point. I'm sorry.

[knightingale]

Hey there, sorry you are hurting, it stinks hey?

 

Just wanted to reply to this bit of your post. I don't think another relationship will change him, more than likely he will continue to do exactly as he pleases without having to change (ie drinking) and that's why he's found a new drinking buddy g/friend.

 

My ex also moved on two weeks later, some men will always be like this, replacing one with another without much thought. Be pleased you are free to find someone else who is right for you.

 

Yeah. I just need to keep telling myself to be grateful I'm not stuck in a relationship that probably wouldn't have worked anyway, and that I am free to find the right guy for me.

 

He just always talks about how he never seems to be ready for a relationship but he keeps jumping into them anyway. It's ridiculous. It's frustrating. Ugh.