tests that determine ability to get pregnant

[gracerules2008]

Are there any tests that I can take or that my girlfriend can take in order to get positive proof that she cannot get pregnant or that I cannot get her pregnant?

 

She says she it's unlikely that she'll ever be able to have kids but I'm not going to take my chances. I'm abstaining from intercourse unless I can somehow find positive proof that she's unable to have children.

 

I'm just curious. I've gone 6 years without going as far as sexual intercourse and I'm prepared to go another 6 years if necessary.

 

If there are no tests that can positively prove that she can't have children then I want to do everything I can to make myself sterile. Right now I can't afford surgery to get myself "fixed".

[Silvery]

use a condom.

[karvala]

Well you could visit a fertility clinic and each undergo the usual battery of tests there, although they might be a bit curious about why you want them, but in any case, I think you want a level of absolute certainty that is not readily attainable in matters of fertility short of a hysterectomy, and not really necessary. A combination of oral contraception for her and condoms for you will in all likelihood prevent pregnancy, so these more drastic measures are not really necessary unless you can't use that for one reason or another.

[Batya33]

Unless she had a hysterectomy, or chemo that killed all her eggs - something like that, or she lacks basic female reproductive organs from all that I know there is no test of absolute certainty.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Unless she has had a hysterectomy or had her ovaries removed there is always a chance she can get pregnant. She may have been told it is unlikely to get pregnant for a variety of reasons, but as long as she has her plumbing and hasn't had her tubes tied (and verified they did not grow back together) then there is always the possibility.

 

And unless you have a zero sperm count (which the doctor can test), there is always a possibility with you.

[purpleduckie]

you can't afford birth control pills or condoms?

[sharsachan]

if she still has ovaries with eggs, there is a chance. it may be small or microscopic but unless she is lacking the organs needed, it still exists.

 

i also wonder why you couldn't use a condom+pills/patch/shot? if you use both correctly added to the fact she has a low risk of getting pregnant in the first place, i think you would be fine.

[gracerules2008]

Because no birth control method is 100% effective. Condoms are known to break very often of course especially during aggressive sex.

 

There's no reason for me to get sexually intimate until I'm ready to have children. That's just the natural way sex works unfortunately. 20 seconds of pleasure only to pay for it with 20 + years of hard work.

 

Like everything else in life part of the package of making a choice is accepting where the choice leads. No sex unless I want children.

[annie24]

that's life, there are no gaurantees. if you don't want her to get pregnant and was no chance of pregnancy, then i agree, no sex, and don't let your ejaculate get near her either.

[RockabillyLove]

Did you ever consider for a second that she might want to be intimate with you because she loves you?

 

Not ever having sex in a relationship will quickly sour things, especially if you accompany it with "sorry honey, no pleasure for you! I don't want children"

 

Oh, and getting 'the snip' isn't always reversable. Keep that in mind.

[sharsachan]

I'm not entirely positive condoms break as often as you think... I've been having sex ten years and have only had ONE incident when a condom broke, we were also using spermicide on top of the condom and i did not end up pregnant.

 

but it is your choice and if that's the birth control you choose, more power to you. my drive is far to high to just stop having sex.

[gracerules2008]

Did you ever consider for a second that she might want to be intimate with you because she loves you?

 

Not ever having sex in a relationship will quickly sour things, especially if you accompany it with "sorry honey, no pleasure for you! I don't want children"

 

Oh, and getting 'the snip' isn't always reversable. Keep that in mind.

 

 

I am 100% certain that I don't want kids so I'm not worried about the fact that the snip cannot be reversed. But thanks for the warning.

[friday]

Are there any tests that I can take or that my girlfriend can take in order to get positive proof that she cannot get pregnant or that I cannot get her pregnant?

 

She says she it's unlikely that she'll ever be able to have kids but I'm not going to take my chances. I'm abstaining from intercourse unless I can somehow find positive proof that she's unable to have children.

 

I'm just curious. I've gone 6 years without going as far as sexual intercourse and I'm prepared to go another 6 years if necessary.

 

If there are no tests that can positively prove that she can't have children then I want to do everything I can to make myself sterile. Right now I can't afford surgery to get myself "fixed".

 

I dont know which country you are in, but its unlikely a doctor would *fix* a 28 yr old guy. Its almost impossible to reverse, and you might feel completely different at 38. As much as you are against it now, you really dont know how you will feel later.

 

There isnt a test for her, the proof is in the pudding... so to speak..... or if she gets a bun in the oven........LOL

[friday]

I am 100% certain that I don't want kids so I'm not worried about the fact that the snip cannot be reversed. But thanks for the warning.

 

 

You are 100% at 28, not 32 or 38.

 

You really dont know how you will feel later. I would be 100% sure you will change your mind to some degree. Your reproductive life is pretty much indefinate as a male. Consider that as well. What if you change your mind at 48? 68? Men have kids at this age.

[hers]

As someone who also does not want children (yes, people, we can be sure even in our 20s), I can understand the paranoia and desire to take all precautions possible. But like others said, unless you are sterilized (one or both of you--both to be safe!), there's always a chance.

 

You CAN find a doctor who will do it if you're under 30. It's hard but not impossible. Visit a planned parenthood clinic--they can point you int he right direction.

 

I'm nearly 26 and my doctor won't sterilze me b/c I "may change my mind". I can understand that, sure, but if I really want to go through with it, thorough searching for that right doctor will land me with a non-baby baby-maker. Keep looking if you want to get snipped. They're out there.

[SamiJayne]

If a person isn't ready for the conseqences of sex, then they shouldn't be having sex. Which is what he's doing.

 

I hold my hat of too you, i wish more guys thought like that.

[gracerules2008]

If a person isn't ready for the conseqences of sex, then they shouldn't be having sex. Which is what he's doing.

 

I hold my hat of too you, i wish more guys thought like that.

 

 

Well it's like joining the military. The reason I don't join is because I don't want to take the risk of going to war and killing someone in combat or being killed in combat.

 

Anyone who is looking into joining the military is informed of the risks that they would be called out to war. If a person doesn't like the idea of going to war then they better not sign their name on that dotted line at the recruiting office!

 

That's why it's called a "volunteer army."

 

Granted there are some who join the military just to get money to pay for college or because of the wonderful health and retirement benefits but to me that's not a good reason to join. There's other ways one can get money to pay for college. The only good reason to join is if you want to die in combat for your country.

 

The same can be said with sex. To me there's no other reason for me to go that route unless I want children. Going that route because I can't control my sexual appetite is not a good reason. I can satisfy my sexual appetite through masturbation.

 

It all goes back to what I was saying earlier about the package of making choices is accepting where the choice leads. If I don't like where the choice might lead me then I'm not going to choose. I think the majority of people operate that way.

 

Having said all of that I'm sure those who choose to go the route of sex but don't want children have thought things through as well and feel like the benefits outweigh the risks. I didn't start this thread for the purpose of condemning the choice of others who don't want children but still have a regular sex life anyway.

[Cadence_oO]

Well,you can never know for sure.If she has ovaries,tubes and a uterus she can get pregnant.Unless you had 'the snip' you can get her pregnant.

 

Personally I believe that a condom plus contraceptives for her are more than enough.

 

And just to reply to the post you wrote '20 minutes of sex for 20+ year of hard work'.

 

It's probably more than 20 years of hard work.That I wouldn't trade for ANYTHING in the world!

 

Why do you live your life all subordinated to your fear of having children?

Don't you think it's stopping you from living your life the fullest?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Your fear of having sex and pregnancy seems rather extreme. Modern birth control is quite effective, and if a condom breaks, there is always Plan B which can be purchased at drugstores.

 

have you ever even had sex with someone you care about? You can't even begin to classify sex in the same category as masturbation only. It is like living on a McDonald's hamburger rather than having a full banquet of sexual experiences.

 

I also think that you may have real trouble finding a woman who is willing to go without sex forever. Many conservative girls who want to wait for sex til marriage also want traditional families with children. And women who don't want children usually do want sex.

 

Have you considered counseling to explore your extreme fear of pregnancy? i don't at all question your desire not to have children if you so choose, but to go without sex your whole life due to fear seems rather extreme and unnecessary with the alternatives available to solve the problem of adequate contraception.

[Cadence_oO]

Exactly!

Couldn't agree more with every single point made in this post!

[Seraphim]

Yes, well the "snip" does not always work either. I can tell you MANY stories where some swimmers still get through even after the snip. My brother is one of them. He still has a sperm count even after a vasectomy. The only way you can be positive is to have sex with women that have no uterus, which severely limits your choice. Also tests to determine reproductive ability are expensive. If you want to be entirely 100% SURE, the 2 answers are, 1. never have sex. 2. find a woman that has no reproductive organs.

[gracerules2008]

I know that I'm unlikely to keep a woman around forever if I don't take the relationship to that level of intimacy. I know that someday I may have to let my girlfriend go.

 

The other alternative is to let her find a friend with benefits to get her sexual needs met. I have already suggested she do that if she's that unhappy. I would be ok with it. If she gets pregnant by her FWB then it won't be my problem.

 

But even still I think it's better to go through the pain of letting go of several good women than it is to take the chance of getting them pregnant and sacrificing my freedom for a minimum of 20 years. Probably more than 20 years. I'd rather spend time in jail than have children.

 

There's nothing wrong with feeling the way I do as long as I'm not leading women on. Yes I was honest early on in the relationship about not wanting to go all the way with her. I have to choose the path that I believe is the lesser of 2 evils.

[gracerules2008]

You are 100% at 28, not 32 or 38.

 

You really dont know how you will feel later. I would be 100% sure you will change your mind to some degree. Your reproductive life is pretty much indefinate as a male. Consider that as well. What if you change your mind at 48? 68? Men have kids at this age.

 

If I decide to go through the snip and change my mind later in life about not wanting children then I can always adopt kids. There are plenty of adoption agencies out there. Actually adoption may even be a better option for me if I can skip all that baby stage stuff.

 

But I'm going to go ahead and get the snip done ASAP.

[karvala]

There's nothing wrong with choosing not to have children, and there's nothing wrong with being a responsible adult, but the probability of oral contraception + condom failing at the same time is very low. In addition, you can have sex at non-fertile times of the month, which together with the previous two protections, makes for a method that's about as safe as you're going to get (and as safe a vasectomy, which is also not literally 100% successful).

 

The problem here is that the risk assessment has gone wrong; I understand you don't want to be a parent at any price, just as you don't want to go to jail. You probably don't want to get killed either, but you still cross the street, and the chances of you getting killed doing that are many times higher than the chances of your gf getting pregant when taking the above precautions. It's about putting things in a proper perspective and evaluating likelihood realistically.

[annie24]

I'd say that the chance of dying during a vasectomy due to a bad reaction with the anasthesia is also about as high as the chance of him getting his gf pregnant if he is wearing a condom, and she is on the birth control pill.