I'm tired

[cichlid]

Well, I'm not tired but that's the excuse that my BF always gives me. Last time we had sex was Monday. Every other day I have seen him he has been dead tired to have sex...even with me on top. The MBA program he is in has been running him pretty hard. They run him from 8:30 to 5:00 with the amount of work he has to complete. It's only the 2nd week so we'll see what happens later on in the semester. He usually struggles with insomnia 95% of nights too.

 

I feel...neglected in the sex. I want more sex than just once a week. I want it like 3 days a week!

 

Ugh...how do I explain this to him? Should I start keeping track by putting a dot in my planner when we do it? This way I can show him that we really aren't doing it as often as he thinks.

[healthseeker]

Ugh...how do I explain this to him? Should I start keeping track by putting a dot in my planner when we do it? This way I can show him that we really aren't doing it as often as he thinks.

 

OMG! Don't do that!!! I too suffer from insomnia and feel exhausted a lot. He is just starting a new program and his body is just getting used to it. Insomnia takes it's toll too. I would be supportive, rather than "grade him" with a dot system. That is just going to knock him down! Look, you had sex this week...so you are not deprived. I understand that you want more. Have you tried just more physical contact first and seeing if that helps ease tension/fatigue...rub his back, just snuggle more. Give it time...it is about BOTH your needs!

[dogwood]

you could also try to spice things up in the bedroom a notch. lol who cares if he's tired - show him what he's missing! be seductive.. catch him off guard

[cichlid]

Have you tried just more physical contact first and seeing if that helps ease tension/fatigue...rub his back, just snuggle more. Give it time...it is about BOTH your needs!

yes i have.

[sharsachan]

honestly, exhaustion can cause a man to not be able to maintain an erection. and if you start 'proving' to him the lack of sex, that will make him either resentful or self conscious and neither of those are going to make it any easier or desirable for him to be intimate with you.

 

if your drive is that high right now, i would suggest masturbating when he's tired. it's hard when drives don't match but there are ways to make it better or worse. it's hard to wait [my drive is seriously like 4 times that of my husbands] but if you complain and nag at him about sex it will get worse, not better.

[cichlid]

We had sex on Sunday and then nothing so far. I don't think wanting sex 2 to 3 times a week is even that high of a sex drive. I don't like masturbating. It doesn't feel good to me at all.

[Godless_Heathen]

When I'm in a relationship and we're only doing it 2-3 times a week, I feel like she isn't interested. So yeah, that's not high a sex drive.

[cichlid]

We had sex on Friday and then sex today. I feel better but it's only sex on the weekend it seems.

[amethyst exchange]

We had sex on Friday and then sex today. I feel better but it's only sex on the weekend it seems.

 

The man is working a new job (which is riding him hard) and ninety-five percent of the nights he's not sleeping for a good chunk of it.

 

If I was him, you'd be lucky to see me even sociable, let alone even wanting to be intimate.

 

I mean, as it stands, I don't have sex at all...with my significant other because of other problems but, being pressured when I'm already stressed to my limit would make me even less likely to want sex, let alone sex that is mutually satisfying.

 

I mean if it was you, not sleeping very much in a demanding, new job that is tearing you down and stressing you out, do you really think you'd be wanting to be badgered by your bf for sex?

[dragonzeyez]

all you can do is wait and let him get used to his new job. you are having sex once a week, and if you pressure him for more with how he is now, i guarantee you he will not even want that. i have been in his spot. your choices are to give him time and take it once a week. or to do without it completely.

[i_win]

Transitional periods, for me, as a man, are really bad times for me. It can often kill my sex drive pretty quickly and in a few cases relationships have ended because of it. There is just too much adjustment and things to worry about and sex is the last thing you take notice in when your brain is so filled up with new adjustments.

 

My advice...if you love him...give him a few months and let him adjust. If things don't improve then say something. My thought is that it isn't so much the sex, it's your insecurity that he doesn't spend as much quality time with you.

 

If you don't care, then let him be and he can have as much study time as possible.

 

I wish a few of my gf's had stood by my side during tough times instead of bailing. I woudl have paid it back 10x fold.

[dragonzeyez]

Yup, this is one area a lot of women need to be a little more supportive with. I have had women dump me for the same reason. For women if you are stressed out, you can still perform. Everything you need to perform with down south still works. For us men though... if we are stressed out about things, things down south will NOT work and there is NOTHING we can do to help that.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I think you're being a bit mildly... inconsiderate. Imagine if you where in his shoes and where tired as hell from work.. you just want to maybe snuggle, and cuddle with your partner.

Watch a movie, kick back, etc. It doesn't mean he doesn't want to have sex with you. After all. It has only been 2 weeks.

Of course I understand you don't want things getting into a pattern and staying the way they are.

 

I would maybe try giving him oral. This way he gets aroused. And if your lucky maybe he will want to finish off with sex. If not.... you may be left a bit frustrated. But it's worth a try.

But don't keep nagging him by pointing out all the occasions you do/don't have sex...

Like I said before.. picture yourself in his shoes.

[blessed be]

i think there will be times in relationships when the sex suffers, your partner is obviously working really hard right now so i would be grateful for the once a week.

Maybe try having a talk about your frustration and see if there is anything you can do to make him more open to the idea of having sex more often but be prepared for him to say this is a phase and he can't focus on sex right now and if you love him hopefully you will be prepared to do other things instead.

[cichlid]

I mean if it was you, not sleeping very much in a demanding, new job that is tearing you down and stressing you out, do you really think you'd be wanting to be badgered by your bf for sex?

Yes, because it brings me back to reality. I've been there and done that at the end of the semesters when my workload is at it's heaviest.

 

He is feeling better since his Math & Computer Skills class is ending soon. That class was pretty much an introduction to Excel.

 

To everyone wondering...he's only taking 12 hours this semester. The only thing is he has a messed up sleeping schedule and can't fall asleep until 5am in the morning and has to be in class at 8:30am.

 

Thanks but no thanks on everyone's help. You've once again proved that I am better off listening to my own advice and no I haven't kept too much track of sex.

[i_win]

Yes, because it brings me back to reality. I've been there and done that at the end of the semesters when my workload is at it's heaviest.

 

He is feeling better since his Math & Computer Skills class is ending soon. That class was pretty much an introduction to Excel.

 

To everyone wondering...he's only taking 12 hours this semester. The only thing is he has a messed up sleeping schedule and can't fall asleep until 5am in the morning and has to be in class at 8:30am.

 

Thanks but no thanks on everyone's help. You've once again proved that I am better off listening to my own advice and no I haven't kept too much track of sex.

 

 

You're awesome advice of keeping track of sex via dots in a planner? Riiiiiiight.

 

Oh and sleep deprevation is a huge reason libido decreases.

[srssatellite]

While you're at it, yell at your boyfriend and call him impotent next time he loses his erection. I'm sure that'll make him want to have sex with you so much more that he'll get his erection back...

[sharsachan]

every relationship has dry spells in sex. it does not mean he loves you any less.

 

however, he certainly isn't going to LIKE you very much if you point out where you feel he is lacking, regardless of whether you think 12 credits of college is a lot or not. making a man feel like they are failing is a sure way to make the current problems bigger.

 

but in the end, i suppose it is up to you. i just think there are better ways to go about it.

[amethyst exchange]

Yes, because it brings me back to reality. I've been there and done that at the end of the semesters when my workload is at it's heaviest.

 

He is feeling better since his Math & Computer Skills class is ending soon. That class was pretty much an introduction to Excel.

 

To everyone wondering...he's only taking 12 hours this semester. The only thing is he has a messed up sleeping schedule and can't fall asleep until 5am in the morning and has to be in class at 8:30am.

 

Thanks but no thanks on everyone's help. You've once again proved that I am better off listening to my own advice and no I haven't kept too much track of sex.

 

So he's getting three and half hours of sleep a night and you expect him to perform...and perform in a satisfactory manner. Not to mention the 36 hours that he should be spending a week on his studies and such.

 

I'm sorry but if sex is bringing you back to reality it most definitely is not your bf's reality.

 

If i was only getting three adn half hours sleep a day I'd be nonfunctional in any capacity let alone a sexual one.

[Lamprey]

That actually makes me feel a little better about myself; I have a lower sex drive than my gf; she is literally always in the mood while I have more limits. But we still manage to do it 12-16 times a week (1-2 times/day, more on weekends). Looks like we're not that badly off yet.

 

In the end, you both need to work on it. I realize that my sex drive is lower than average; I'd probably be happy with 10 times/week. But I do realize that about myself so I remember to initiate things sometimes too, so that she feels wanted. She, on the other hand, also makes an effort and tries to recognize when I'm not in the mood and leaves me alone those times.

 

It's hard to say who has it worse: the person pressured into sex by their partner when they don't want to or the one frustrated by not having it when they do want to. There are two things I'm sure of: that they won't understand each other's position, and that they will nevertheless need to accept it and make an effort to please their partner.

[JadedStar]

An MBA program is very taxing and requires a lot of dedication. Can you not just realize that for now sex might have to take a little backseat? If you think it will ease up soon, can't you wait a bit? Frustrating, but when you love someone it's a two way street. He might be thinking to himself 'can't she be more considerate and understanding at this time"?

[sharsachan]

wait 10 times a week is a low drive? like, is that seriously considered low? because even while my husband and i were dating and only about three months into sex, we were not doing it that much. i may have wanted it that much, but about twice a week is enough for him. i thought i had a high drive but maybe i was wrong. if 10 is low, i can tell my husband to stop calling me his little nympho XD

[cichlid]

The only reason I am deciding not to take anyone's advice is because I have realized that no one other than me and my good friends will know just what I am going through. Y'all can assume anything you want but maybe I have just outgrown the community. Sometimes I blame my last breakup a result of the advice that slowly made its way into my head. I was content before people started twisting reality around.

 

No one knows the full story behind what I write except those that know it personally. It is also hard to sit down and explain everything to everyone.

 

I'm just bitter with some of the advice thrown out there who do not take my feelings into consideration.

[srssatellite]

Here's some advice, before you dismiss everyone's advice, start forcing yourself to get 3.5 hours of sleep every night, and see how much sex you want. Once you realize that, then factor in school, studying, and working, perhaps the tables might turn.

[cichlid]

Here's some advice, before you dismiss everyone's advice, start forcing yourself to get 3.5 hours of sleep every night, and see how much sex you want. Once you realize that, then factor in school, studying, and working, perhaps the tables might turn.

 

I never said that's how much sleep he gets a night. I was simply giving an extreme example. He probably averages 7 hours.

 

BTW, compared to his mechanical engineering degree (he also has a business minor and is working towards an industrial engineering degree accelerated MBA), this is all easy work...busy work but easy nonetheless. The busy works comes from all the meetings and crap that they make him attend that has no point. I'll be getting me M.S. in Industrial Engineering that's for sure.

 

BTW, he doesn't "study". He's the student that can party the previous night, walk in hung over and ace a test. He did that for our ergonomics final and for his GMAT (got a 730 and never prepared). Been in college for 6 years so it obviously isn't affecting his ability to do well. ](*,)