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Just need advice! Broken up, what to do next?


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Ok.... this is going to be long I'm sure and I'm sure I'll have to add in some more details as I will not be able to get everything out in one try. haha


My boyfriend and I had been dating for 5 years (beginning when I was 16 him 15). Our 5 year anniversary was July 22. We have always had fun together and have had some minor arguments in the past since we were both young. We have only broken up once before for about 3 days (last October). He broke up with me because he said the way I kept talking about the future scared him and he just reacted. He called me the day after we broke up saying he was a * * * * for reacting like that and I told him he needed to take the next couple of days to make sure he was right because I couldn't go through that again.

Well obviously we got back together. The time after that was so much better than before! We had lots of fun and talked a little about our future (nothing serious just how we wanted to still be together).

Well starting in May of this year I got an internship with a group doing summer conferences. I usually worked at least 40 hours a week and over 100 when we had an event. He got an internship also working 40 hours a week but it was 4 10's (4 days a week for 10 hours a day). Because of this we were both very tired at the end of the day when we got to see each other so we would either take a nap or just lay around and watch TV. This eventually started to bother me since I like to get out and do things, which we did do some things on the weekends I didn't have to work. Also, since we were both tired and just layed around we didn't talk anymore like we used to.

So we weren't talking much and I wasn't getting much attention from him and this started to wear on me. On top of that I was getting attention from the new boys I met at work. That, combined with growing apart from him, was making me think.

(**Bear this in mind also... I am a thinker! I think waaaay to much and tend to overthink!!**)

Well we stuck together all summer and had lots of fun still everytime we were together, I even went to the beach with him and his family again as I did last summer. After the beach my thoughts got stronger. For our anniversary though, I had asked him to surprise me with something. He drove me about 45 mins away and took me to a safari thing with zebra's and buffalo and all sorts of cool animals that I got to feed from the car as we drove through!! (It may not sound good to you, but this is something I enjoyed and he came up with it on his own)

In August I started to go out more often with the new friends I made at work and my boyfriend doesn't go out to bars or clubs so he didn't ever go with me. (this was also something that bothered me because most all of my friends had never even met him because he isn't very sociable)

All this being away from him and not talking finally pushed me too far. I sat him down one night, after confiding in my new friends and them telling me I needed to break up with him, and I told him that I wanted things to be back like they were at the beginning when he said sweet things to me and made an effort and didn't act like seeing me was a chore. We talked for a while and he said he would work on it. After a few days of getting nothing extra from him I emailed him and said I needed more that he wasn't doing anything to change. He apologized, said he thought he was but would try harder. Then after nothing for another few days I told him we needed to break up. He got up and stormed off. I know it's probably just a girl thing but if someone had asked me to do more I would have made a big noticeable effort, at least right after they said something! I would have gotten him a card and his favorite candy or something!

Well 2 days after we broke up I emailed him just to ask how he was and he basically said he was ok but we needed to not talk for a while so it wouldn't be as tough.

I left him alone. For the first week and a half or so I was happy and even went on a date and kissed a boy. The next weeks... different story!

All I have thought about was that I miss him and he is really what makes me happy.

I kept doing no contact though to let him come around seeing as how I broke up with him because I felt like he wasn't making an effort so I didn't know where I fit in to his life. He was a priority for me and it hurt that I didn't seem to be for him.

Well last Thursday I sent him, through the mail, some dvds he left at my place, a check for $50 I owed him, and a note because I did not just want to send him his stuff with no words.

I never heard anything back from that but on Saturday I got a card from his mom in the mail saying she missed me and was sorry for what was happening.

On Sunday I went out to a club with his sister, we became friends during the relationship and she initiated the get-together. I asked her some questions about my ex but they were just general because I didn't wanna know the real answers to the questions I wanted to ask in case he didn't miss me.

Then, yesterday, Thursday, I got an email from him answering the general questions I put in that note with his dvds (like what are you doing now, still riding dirt bikes, and did he get the co-op he wanted)

The email he wrote me was really rather long, which for him is saying something because he never wrote long emails, even when we were dating.

(something to note is that in the email he said he had a pair of sweatpants I left at his house and if I wanted them to call him and we could me up to get them sometime)

I texted him a little after I got the email and said "I just got your email. Do you care if I call you after I get off work or would you rather me just write back"

He said "whatever I have class at 6:15 though. you can call"

I said "Well I get off at 8 so you can just call me when you get out of class or if not then I'll just talk to you some other time"

He said "k"

Then he texted me at 2 til 8 and said "I'm out of class you can just call me whenever you get off work"

(another thing to note is that he responded to the texts like right after I sent them which is another thing he usually didn't do)

I called him and we talked for about 15 mins until he got home and then he got off to go in and eat. We just talked about what we had been doing and normal every day stuff. At the end of the conversation I asked if he wanted to eat lunch Saturday before I went in to work and he said he would call and let me know since he had a dirt bike race that day.


Ok... Here's my feelings behind all this...

I still love him with my whole heart and would love to end up with him one day. When I see my future I see him. While we were together he would jokingly say that he wanted to be like Gene Simmons and never get married just live with and have a family with me. I didn't like that and he knew it which was part of the reason he said it. I love his family and they love me. (his grandmother was so mad at him when he said we broke up) He gave me a ring last year which he said was not a promise ring as he didn't wanna give it a title, he said to think of it as me needing something pretty from him.

I want to be back together with him and I wonder if he wants the same. I haven't heard from him today, which I didn't really expect to. He's stubborn and so am I, which I'm also afraid will hurt us getting back together. He's also young and I want him to have time to be with his friends since he hasn't ever even be able to drive without having a girlfriend. I wouldn't care if he dated other people (hopefully the result being that he figures out it is me he wants) I just don't want him to have sex with anyone else. I really do want him to realize that it's me he wants. I know that I want to be with him forever (and there's no pressure for marriage, just to know we have a future) but I want to hear from him that that is what he wants. I just want him to show a little emotion.


So the main issues...

What is he thinking and how do I find out without prying and scaring him away?

What should my next step be?

Any other thoughts.....????!!!???

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