What does "settling" actually mean?

[Karmageddon]

Amen. Took me a long time to get over what I'd subjected myself to. Time I'll never get back. And time is precious, so I screwed myself doubly!

 

If you learned from it sweetie, then you are ahead of the game.

[May_It_Be]

If you learned from it sweetie, then you are ahead of the game.

 

Heh heh, yes, I definitely learned my lesson on that one!

[LAYAAN]

you are settling when you are letting your non-negotiable areas turn into your negotiable ones and deep inside are not happy about it.

I agree with May It Be. You can never quiet down this tiny voice in your head that asks you, "Had I not given up hope, Had I tried a little harder, Had I waited." And then you try to change Mr. Wrong into Mr. Right. He feels insulted, gets into defensive mode and before you know love has evaporated out of the relationship. All b'coz YOU settled. No fault of the poor guy. He is who he is. If deep down you dont want someone like him, dont get together with him, but don't try to change him. It will only bring frustration n resentment.

So, like I said, your non-negotiable areas should be few but should match and the negotiable areas should be truly negotiable and in worst case scenario, if the guy never changes, you want to still be at peace about those areas, certain quirks that he may have. And this cuts both ways.

[StrawberryYogurt]

When your brain, heart, and gut do not all say yes and you're still marrying that person, that's settling.

[anggrace]

Settling isn't always a bad thing. Think about it. Is it bad when you are looking for a home, find one you like and decide to settle down in it? When I "settled" with the one Im with, I did it because Im happy with him. I accept his imperfections and I don't have any interest in continuing my search. If you settle for someone who you aren't happy with, you are settling for less. I find peace in the word settle.

[DaBladeRoden]

Settling means realizing that you have flaws and stopping demanding a partner be flawless themselves.

[lady00]

To me, settling simply means staying with someone that you are not into or not in love with, just for the sake of being with someone.

 

I think it's entirely different from having reasonable expectations of a relationship, being happy with someone, and accepting their flaws.

[greywolf]

Settling isn't always a bad thing. Think about it. Is it bad when you are looking for a home, find one you like and decide to settle down in it? When I "settled" with the one Im with, I did it because Im happy with him. I accept his imperfections and I don't have any interest in continuing my search. If you settle for someone who you aren't happy with, you are settling for less. I find peace in the word settle.

 

You're right. Settling isn't bad. But when it comes to relationships, people usually use the term settling as in 'settling for less'.

[lady00]

Well, of course, there is a difference between settling (being with someone just to be with someone) and settling down with someone you really want to be with (committing, moving in together etc.)

[ImThatGirl]

I think I've looked at settling in different ways over the years.

 

I used to believe in that "fairytale" type of love. Refused to settle for anything less than the fairytale relationship.

 

Settling to me now means..... being in a relationship with someone that you know deep down you won't always be happy with. Ex: A girl that has much going for her, good head on her shoulders, settling for a guy that says he loves her, lives with her, doesn't pay a dime of the bills.. (this is an extreme example. Both my sister and cousin are involved in relationships like this - apparently they are scared to be single.)

[madmarten]

I think I've looked at settling in different ways over the years.

 

I used to believe in that "fairytale" type of love. Refused to settle for anything less than the fairytale relationship.

 

Settling to me now means..... being in a relationship with someone that you know deep down you won't always be happy with. Ex: A girl that has much going for her, good head on her shoulders, settling for a guy that says he loves her, lives with her, doesn't pay a dime of the bills.. (this is an extreme example. Both my sister and cousin are involved in relationships like this - apparently they are scared to be single.)

 

Fairytales are unrealistic, but this seems reasonable.

[May_It_Be]

There's a MAJOR difference between being realistic about the inherent flaws in the human condition, and settling for someone that you aren't in love with. When you're truly in love, the flaws can even be endearing. When you're "settling", you're afraid that you can't find anyone better and you'd rather have security than be alone.

[ImThatGirl]

There's a MAJOR difference between being realistic about the inherent flaws in the human condition, and settling for someone that you aren't in love with. When you're truly in love, the flaws can even be endearing. When you're "settling", you're afraid that you can't find anyone better and you'd rather have security than be alone.

 

Stated perfectly!