Not Sure What To Do

[scotty1001]

I guess I know the overall answer to this question, but figured I would post it first to get some opinions as to what I should do.

 

Anyway, I have been married for about 2 years. She had 2 kids before we married, and then we also have one together. Anyway, I feel like there is nothing between us, I feel she just stays with me because I pay the bills. She has gotten to the point where she can be very disrespectful to me which seems to get worse and worse.

Since we first got together, she quit work and stays home with the kids. She had promised going back to work after she had the baby, but its been 7 months now and she still hasn't returned to work like she promised she would. She promised she would go back to work since we purchased a house, which she wanted, because the house was more than we could afford on my income alone.

 

We put our house up for sale, have a contract from a buyer and we are now searching for another house. We live in a city that has been growing rapidly and the housing market is really expensive, so to find something more suitable to the family I have opted to look at adjoining cities where you get more house for your money. Well, she isn't up for that all that much, says she doesn't want to move her kids and make them start somewhere new all over again. The kids are 8 yrs old, 3 years old and 7 months old.

 

Its really hard trying to talk sensibly to her. Its usually either her way or she wont even stay in the room and listen to what you have to say.

 

I dont claim to be a perfect husband, but I have given her a lot in life as far as support and a better father figure for her kids than what their real dad is. I guess what worries me the most is her not being able to make it if I do decide to call it quits. I know thats not my problem, 2 of her kids aren't my responsiblity, but the 3rd one is, and I wouldn't want to see him have to do without. Her Ex doesn't pay hardly anything in child support and with 3 kids that would require daycare if we divorced and she had to work, she wouldn't make enough to pay daycare and have anything to live on, and her family is very unreliable if she had to move in with them.

 

I dont want to get wrapped up in another mortgage with someone thats not going to workout. The way she has acted over the last 3 or 4 months has really made me lose my feelings/love towards her.

 

I guess Im just looking for other peoples opinions on this as I dont really want to turn to family right now and share my problems with them.

[notsoanonymous]

THERAPY. COUPLES COUNSELING.

 

GO THERE.

 

Basically it sounds to me like your wife has an underlying issue within your marriage. Some women who might act this way are angry or upset with something but rather than confronting the problem, they are acting out. She appears to be doing that here.

 

Marriage and vows are SUPPOSED to be forever, and when you took them you should have known what kind of person you were marrying. Now, you have what you have - so give it your absolute best effort in the world before you walk. She should be doing the same.

 

Good luck to you and yours.

[kuhl282000]

I feel like there is nothing between us

 

She has gotten to the point where she can be very disrespectful to me which seems to get worse and worse

 

 

She promised she would go back to work since we purchased a house

 

Its really hard trying to talk sensibly to her. Its usually either her way or she wont even stay in the room and listen to what you have to say.

 

The way she has acted over the last 3 or 4 months has really made me lose my feelings/love towards her.

 

Nothing sounds to promising to me .........and you have a choice you can be happy or miserable. The kids are aways a tough call ......but they are not reaping anything good from an un-happy marriage ....... As far as her working, she has more then likely fallen into a stay home pattern .......she may like it that way .......in modern society nowadays it takes two serious incomes to make it ......those are just facts.

 

If you've lost it for her, you are just going to end up getting depressed ..........more then likely she will have a difficult time making it. But she will find a way .....more then likely another man will come into the picture at a later date ......you'll need to protect yourself and your child and help as much as you can and still get on with your life .......

 

If you want to save the relationship ..........seek professional help ....easier said then done ........some people just don't want to go seek help .....plus its not cheap.

She may resent you for even asking .......she may not even think she has a problem.

And you know the bills and money pressures build up and people change in a real hurry when money comes into play .......

 

If it were me I'd go rent my own place or hook up with a roomate and get my life together ........it takes 2 in a marraige and if she is not listening to you......well whats the point .......she has lost respect for you just like you have for her.

 

When the talks break down ....so does the relationship ....or you can just say what Kirk says in Star Trek .....Scotty beam me up no sign of intelligent life

[jennyc]

I think you should make a fair attempt to try and work things out before making any drastic changes. One of hte big problems in today's society is that everyone is so quick to jump ship. I made that mistake and left when I felt we were losing ocmmunication and spent less and less time together. If you want to try to make this work, try talking to her and expressing all your feelings, and I'd definitely consider couples counseling.

[redhearts]

I think that you want to divorce her because you feel shes just using you. That is what it sounds like. She just wants to be the house wife and for you to magically make two incomes to pay the house she wants in the city she wants thats pricey. You think your just a convenience to her to make her life a lot simpler. What I suggest is not getting into another house until this matter is resolved. You apparently don't think its going to work solely on the fact that you believe she doesn't want to work, hasn't found work. But has she made an effort? No? Well there she wants to play house wife.

[lostinthoughts]

As has been mentioned, I would try counseling first. You want to be sure you did all you could.

 

I understand the other concerns and they will do a number on your mind as you sound like a decent person. It is similar to what I am going through and there are no easy answers.

 

Also, I would advise not moving out, as this could have implications down the road. Check with a lawyer before you do that.

[kuhl282000]

you move out ....and you'll more then likely .......have a whole new situation to deal with ..........I did .........trust me its no fun ........