Zeitgeist Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 I'm finally ready to tell a part of my story. So I broke up with a girl a couple weeks ago. We tried for several months, but in the last month or two, it was clear she wasn't over her ex and wasn't ready for a relationship (she broke up with her ex 7 months ago - they were together for 5 years). She even said this up front in the beginning, but I was willing to take things slow. I think she took advantage of this and started hanging out more and more with her ex. Almost always with other people, but still. She stated that she wanted to remain friends with him and wasn't willing to let go yet. I finally couldn't take it anymore because I felt like she was prioritizing her ex over me a little too much. We had a talk about how I felt like I was being put on a backburner a couple weeks before. Got a drunken phone call from her late at night during which she told me she was totally in love with me and that we were perfect for each other. That we were so much alike in all the important ways, but different enough that it kept things interesting. We never really had any fights either. Our time together was always easy, fun, and relaxing. We communicated EXTREMELY well when it came to talking about ourselves, our fears, hopes, dreams, etc. Possibly better than anyone I've ever communicated with - including my best female friend from college. And that's really saying something. Everything about our budding relationship was good, but I guess it wasn't good enough. But then a week later she went camping with the ex and other friends. Didn't tell me her ex was going to be on the trip, but it was pretty easy to guess. This really upset me. Facebook pics resulted in more insecurity for me. So anyhow, I broke up with her over the phone a couple of weeks ago. We talked for an hour or so. It was fairly civilized though we were both emotional. I was upfront and told her the reasons I was upset and unhappy. Told her I loved her, but that I couldn't make room for someone who couldn't make room for me. She admitted that she wasn't ready to make a decision and that it wasn't fair to me. Said she understood. I said that the only way I could see a possibility of a future together was to let go of her NOW. She cried and we both said good-bye. And that was that. It's one of those situations where I may be the dumper, but I feel more like the dumpee. I've been down but actually been dealing okay. For once, I didn't start freaking out about what I did or could've done differently. I honestly think I did my best. I was ready to "move mountains" for her. But she wasn't ready to reciprocate or have to accept responsibility for another's feelings. Haven't had any contact except when we went to a mutual friend's birthday event and even then, we were on friendly terms. There's a possibility that she could go back to the ex, but from what she described, I don't see how a long-term reconciliation would be possible. Their life goals are too different and apparently fought quite a bit. But of course, the heart doesn't pay attention to practical matters. Personally, I think she's harming not only harming her ex, but herself. But of course that's not for me to spell out, and of course it's a biased opinion. Feel free to comment or ask me questions. But I also have a question I'd like some feedback on because I've been doing some reading on breakups. Almost everyone seems to think that breaking up over the phone is horrible and cowardly. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong by this because I wanted to be able to remain strong and not have her see me emotional in person. But now I'm feeling guilty because I'm wondering if I owed that to her? Is breaking up via phone really that horrible? Link to comment
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