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Last year this week my 3 year relationship with the girl who I thought was the love of my life ended. She broke up with me suddenly and unexpectedly after she could not come to get over my alcohol abuse and depression even after I had been cleaned up for nearly 6 months. Not a day goes by now where I don't think about her. I used to think we were perfect for each other. It still hurts. Since that day I have successfully completed one year of grad school and am starting on my second and last year, I've moved out of my parents house and although have struggled with money, I have made enough where I can support myself at least somewhat, I've seen my favorite sports teams win championships, gone on a great family vacation to the Caribbean, and I am in the best physical shape of my life. Still I feel lost. She has moved on to a new man whom I think she left me for. I still am in shock over the loss and saddened. I lack self worth and enjoyment of life. I date, but have not found anyone I am even interested in pursuing seriously. What should I do? Help me I've tried everything

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As much as someone loves you, they are killing their own life to stay with someone who is an alcoholic or is depressed and doesn't get help. She deserves a life with someone who is healthy and taking care of themselves. She didn't break up with you suddenly , she went through 3 years with a depressed alcoholic, she was probably at her wits end.

Are you going to AA weekly ? Have you dealt with the depressed successfully? Are you taking medicine or doing talk therapy? Have you found what it is you really want to do in life, like your purpose or career?

Use this break up as a reason to be the healthiest person you can be. And you will attract someone who is right for you. You may still get depressed but you will use your skills to minimize it and not have it wreck your relationship. You know you can never drink again . And that if you have an addictive personality you will need to take steps to deal with it effectively in all your relationships.

Don't expect anyone to get over your addiction and depression, that is your job to do.

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Ha! Wow, yet again I can never seem to get over the amount of diplomacy and tact that steers this way of the internet.


bulls03, I think I have an idea of the emotional turmoil you presently experience. You probably feel like you had given her every inkling of effort from your side of the fence and that despite the fact that you had your issues now-and-again, you were not given enough effort from her side to maintain the love you two were believed (by you) to have had for each other. In other words, I bet you feel "screwed over and cheated" or that you had been given "the cruddy end of the stick", right? Also, I bet you feel that the investment which was made is now all for nothing.


By the way, were you the one who admitted to alcoholism (referring to your alcohol abuse statement)? Do you honestly believe that you have problems with alcohol consumption? ...I had a naive girlfriend at one time who managed to manipulate a college-level counselor into believing that I may have been schizophrenic. Needless to say, not only was the mental health professional incorrect with their initial assumptions but so was my ex of that time. I guess what I am trying to elude to here is the act of taking precaution with one who could be deemed as manipulative or scheming.


Allow me to offer an alternative way to look through the gem with your situations... While she may have in fact "endured such horrible injustice by forcing her perfect self to experience the life of a manic-depressed alcoholic in the name of love" (as some may see it as being), you have personal say in this relationship as well (it takes 2 to tango).


Have you ever asked yourself why you resorted to alcohol and depression?


...Maybe she was causing it...


Regardless, we have to accept that our decisions are the ultimate factor in any product we produce throughout our lives. What this equates to is the simple law of life that states "we cannot blame others for our negations". In spite of this, we can also increase our healthy productivity within ourselves by focusing on our inner principles and emotional translations.


While I do not doubt your love for this women was strong, I personally believe that she was worthless to you. Sorry if I appear to be disrespectful of her. Sure, she gave a little for you during your episodes or down times, but I would be willing to bet that she had more than enough faults to write a list longer than a quarter mile herself.


Regardless, focus on yourself. Make yourself a better person in every facet of reality that you can think of. Spiritually, physically, emotionally, psychologically, etc. Join some clubs, lose the sulking loneliness that I bet you feel sometimes and make yourself the silver bullet of dudes! I think your anxiety is getting the best of you here because of what she did to you and the mess you may be forced to clean up. Acknowledge this aspect of you and your life and realize (or try to) that what took place, whether your fault or hers in the end, is in the past. Wake up tomorrow with a mindset that you still feel pain and remember that this pain may be around for awhile, but that it is okay to feel it and that your pain represents the fact that this women took too much of your life and that you now have way more time to work on yourself (and way more money).


It's time to take your life back.

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