i need some serious help

[takinitslow]

ok i am new at this so i really dont know where to begin.i am a widow a young one have been for 4 years, im ok with it now, i pretty much blocked out the pain, i tryed this internet dating thing, found someone that i thought could be the one, he came down we spent time together yes we did the sex thing. he says now he needs time,it hurt, and i told him so. he began talkin to me again,sayin we need to slow down ,and again he says he needs time,he just divorced his wife 3 or 4 months ago,he says i need to come on here and open up that it would help.so here i am, what do i do,i really like this man,am i wishfull thinking

[Xetra Dax]

Honey, your not doing the right thing. By making your heart a murderhole , you are bottling everything up, and as time progresses the issue will eat you alive. You've rushed into a new relationship while you haven't processed the last one yet, as well as the decease of your husband. You should get a theraphist whom you can talk these things over with. For now i want you to 'vent' and write down the story of what happened to you and your husband. That way you can start processing the event instead of blocking it, its ok to let it all out, allow yourself to let it all out.

[Karmageddon]

Oh I am so sorry for your loss. To tell you the truth, if I were you, I don't know that I would be dating anyone who is only a few short months out of a divorce. ususally people don't have thier heads on straight for a while & it sounds like you are putting yourself at more risk for getting hurt, which it sounds like you just don't need. Is there anyone else that may have been single for a bit longer??

[Mutley]

Any one who is just out of a divorce 3 or 4 months is still probably crazy.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

If you dont' mind me asking ... how long ago did your husband pass? was it sudden?

[takinitslow]

ok here i go i am about to vent. havent done this. I am 38 my husband was killed by electricution at work 4 years ago, we were married 2 years and 2 days, .we had been together for 2 years bfore we got married,and knew each other years before that.he was so outgoing,always laughing,joking, and a damn truck driver over the road alot, i told him i didnt want a part time husband so he switched jobs,for me.we had it all planned out how we were going to grow old together,he used to hit me,but that happens i probably deserved it, but i was so in love with him. he had settled down and showed me more affection.i am still in love with him.why God had to take him from me is my question.why couldnt i be happy for once with someone i love. we were sapposed to have went on vaccation that year,i had switched jobs so i didnt have vaccation time built up.so we didnt go,we were workin that day when we should have been on the beach. i got the phone call at work,from my daughter,and he was found dead.i blame myself always will. if i didnt change jobs or make him quit his he would still be here, i havent dated or slept with anyone since,until last week, which that is probably my fault too that it wont work out,.ok that is some of my story, i have to admitt that was hard

[Gratsy]

It sounds like you're gonna need some therapy. If he hit you, maybe its better that he's gone in a way.

[DenialTwist]

he used to hit me,but that happens i probably deserved it

 

Unless you hit him first then you did not deserve to be hit. Thinking that way is doing you no good either and I think that is why you seem to have ended up in a sort of similar situation.

 

What I don't seem to find healthy though is the fact that you had sex and then he distanced himself from you. I think the guy needs time to get his head together.

[Xetra Dax]

It sounds like you're gonna need some therapy. If he hit you, maybe its better that he's gone in a way.

 

NO one deserves to get hit,the whole he hits me cuz he loves me is non-sense,for no one is allowed to violence, because what will those things solve? Nothing. Wishing someone dead isn't a good thing either. People always need to bring love and light into eachothers lives, not darkness and hatred. Negativity leads to nowhere so people need to steer away from that.

 

God doesn't take away loved ones in the sense of 'retaliation' that once you feel happy, they die. Before you are born, the time that you will die here on earth is already set. So if he died of a natural accident, then his natural time to die on earth had come. Unnatural deaths as a result of suicide,murder, will cause forced reincarnation until you have naturally forfilled to live the time you had to live here on earth.

 

So don't blame yourself hon, you aren't the cause of his death. You didn't want it right? Then you shouldn't blame yourself for all the could have beens and should have beens that you think you should have done to prevent his death. If you would have done something else and gone on a vacation he would have died his natural time anyway, so please be at peace with your heart.

 

I always say it like this. If you had died instead of him, would you like to see him in agony and pain ,grieving in misery for many many years to come? Of course not, you would want him to be happy and live your life to the fullest. He wants the same for you Hon, so instead of dying for your husband , start living for him.

 

It was couragous that you wrote that all down, i hope you have found a theraphist. To talk all these things over with, keep venting in here too by the way.