Only children?

[Cadence_oO]

I am an only child.

 

And I have to say I was very lonely when I was little girl.

So once I had my daughter I swore to myself that there's no way I would let her feel the same.

She is 2 and a half now and idealy this would be the perfect time for me to start trying for another little one.

 

BUT,me and my husband have separated and started our divorce proceedings...

And honestly at this point in my life I can't for the life of me imagine getting so close to someone,falling in love and marrying.

 

So why am I in this crazy baby-fever?

Plus I'm very sad that my daughter won't have a little sister or brother...

 

Why am I feeling like this?

 

And what are your experiences with siblings or as only children?

Is it just me who felt lonely?

[emmie_g]

Just becuase you havnt found anyone yet doesnt mean you wont, 4 years between children isnt a big age gap, neither is 6 really.

[Cadence_oO]

Yeah,I know that...

 

I'm just in a phase of my life where I can't imagine marrying again...

[rocio]

Do you have a good network with other moms and kids? Your daughter shouldn't get too lonely if you do lots of activities with other children.

[Steve 7745]

Do you have a good network with other moms and kids? Your daughter shouldn't get too lonely if you do lots of activities with other children.

 

This is an excellent idea. You won't have to worry about your daughter feeling lonely, and you can decide if and when you starting dating again with prudence, instead of feeling slightly forced to conceive a sibling.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Listen.

 

I was an only child until I was about 11. Parenting is not situational. The only childs of the world are not lonely, the middle ones don't seek attention, the babys don't never leave home. The values and lessons taught to your child are the direct result of your relationship with her.

 

I do love my sisters, but I believe that being an only child and watching my mother struggle as a single parent strengthened me. My mother is a very strong woman and I learned that from her. I learned independence, how to entertain myself, and a thirst for knowledge in absense of siblings or close neighbors. I would now consider myself a strong woman.

 

The fact that your daughter is an only child means NOTHING. The only thing that matters is the connection that she has with YOU.

 

Also, do not try to find a man for the sole purpose of finding a father figure. My mother did this for me but all it left me with is 6 men that I couldn't call father and me being afraid of most guys till age 16. Only then did I get a boyfriend and realize that guys didn't run the first sign of trouble.

[ImThatGirl]

Cadence - you are going through a major life change / adjustment here! You had all these ideas of how you wanted things to go, plans, thoughts for your child/children.

 

Now everything has changed. You have to create a new path and future for your and your child. Baby fever has hit you which may be more of a panic a "nooo this isn't how it was supposed to go! We should be having another child, not separating."

 

Try to take comfort in the fact that you are only 25 for one.

Secondly, this isn't the end of the world, your life, or your time to have additional children.

There are many groups, clubs, sports, even for your childs age right now. Get her involved - some of them may even be "mommy and me" type classes.

Do you have siblings, nieces, nephews?

 

One more thing.... One of my best friends sent me a text yesterday "Why didn't you tell me 2 kids were so much harder than 1???" lol My other best friend (her youngest is one now,) I seen her go from "completely on top of everything" with baby one to "oh this will do" with baby two. Point being, YOU can focus more on one child, giving everything she needs right now. Embrace that.

 

I am so sorry you are hurting and going through this. Hugs to you!

[Karmageddon]

Cadence, I was an only child & was rarely, if ever lonely. I had plenty of neighborhood friends to play with & when I didn't I had no problem entertaining myself. I feel this independence has really helped me into my adulthood.

 

I know I can rely on myself, I do not need to have someone around all the time to occupy my mind away from lonliness, if I fall, I can pick myself up dust myself off and move on. I have been doing it all my life. That being said, I do enjoy my time with friends and family, I love them dearly. They are my rock, but I don't have to see them or be around them 24/7 to know that.

[thejigsup]

My son is an only child and his biggest fear was that he would have a brother or sister (no way!). He is now a happy adult going to college and seems fine. I was one of three and had a miserable childhood and I wish I HAD been an only child. I am as close to my brother as he lets anyone get,which is not close at all. My sister and I do not communicate at all. We really don't like each other. Being an only child has advantages. I think you want a baby for you, not your daughter. Nothing wrong with that. Who knows what the future will hold.

[Cadence_oO]

Thanks guys...I know it's different for everyone.

I am just a bit confused with how my life is gonna go now...

 

All these plans I had don't apply anymore.

 

I don't fel like I could ever marry again but I still feel like I want another baby.So this is Catch 22 I guess.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Thanks guys...I know it's different for everyone.

I am just a bit confused with how my life is gonna go now...

 

All these plans I had don't apply anymore.

 

I don't fel like I could ever marry again but I still feel like I want another baby.So this is Catch 22 I guess.

 

I think it's because this is something so unplanned.

 

We are brought up that we SHOULD stay married and we SHOULD have 2 to three kids.

 

However, we just have to accept that that is more the exception that the rule now-a-days and that life doesn't go as planned.

 

I hope you and your daughter find your own plan that works for you. And if that plan changes, that you both have the strength to be more than okay with that too.

[rocio]

After a few years if you still feel the same way about marriage and are financially and emotionally secure, you can also think about adopting a second child.

[Seraphim]

Just take the time to grieve and get your life in order. I am positive in time you will find someone to love and have another child with. My son is an only too, and he is very good at entertaining himself. I too worried he would feel alone, but he is very lucky. He gets all the attention.

[nightlady]

I am an only child and didn't mind up until a few years ago. WHen things startd happening in my life that went for the worst, I had no sister or brother to talk too. My DH's siblings didn't want to be bothered with me and my problems. AS i get older I see friends and relatives having that "sibling" relationship and really wish I had that. Now as my parents are getting older I want it even more to have a sibling.

 

I do see it from your stand point...I really do. My son is an only child..not by choice and sometimes I think I am setting him up for the same lonliness I feel sometimes. Even having close friends is not the same as a sibling.

 

There is still time in your life. There is still options for a step or half sibling or adoption. You are not alone.

[Cadence_oO]

Exactly how I feel!

 

And you know how it is...You always want your child to have better than you did.

 

I know I'm still young and have time but at this point in my life I can't imagine it.Ah,well...Thanks for everyone's point of view.

Alexis is an extemely happy child now,I'm pretty sure she has nothing missing (I mean,now she's a bit confused and I'm sure sad because of her parents' divorce),I'm just worried what will happen later.

Especially being an only child of a single parent,and one parent with what I'm sure is extreme guilt(her dad).

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Research shows that most only children do have a distinct advantage and tend to be very self confident and do very well in the world. The reason behind this is that the parents tend to give more time and attention to an only child.

 

So you are not 'damaging' her in any way because she is an only child. There are benefits to having siblings, and benefits to having no siblings.

 

Plus you can't always guarantee that she'll like her siblings or benefit from them. Children all have their own personalities, and you can have 2 kids that grow up really hating one another and constantly squabbling. It happens all the time.

 

So don't focus on her only child status, just on making her life as full and loving as possible. That's what makes for a healthy happy child. She will have plenty of children to play with in her life if you make those opportunities for her, so i wouldn't worry about it at all, just love her and things will work out fine whether you have more children or not.

[Seraphim]

Most Presidents are only children or oldest children. My son is an only not by choice. But he has 13 cousins and many to share his life.

[Ceremony]

I'm an only and I never minded it. I never really gave it much thought when I was a kid. My mom is smothering and that might have something to do with me being it but who knows maybe she would have been smothering even is she would have had more kids!