Does anyone else overanalyse themselves to the point of depression?

[TBE_1989]

Over the last few months, I've realised that I'm really, really hard on myself in terms of analysing my personality. When I'm out with friends, or meet new people, or am in any sort of social situation, if I'm less than 100% nice, charming, fun and eloquent to absolutely everyone, I get really depressed, my self-esteem goes to hell and I overanalyse everything to the point of getting really down.

 

It's turning social situations into a nightmare. I LOVE socialising, meeting new people, etc, but if I can't be, like, the world's coolest person in front of everyone all the time, I look back on the situation until the next social situation occurs, beating myself up over it.

 

If I'm tired, stressed, nervous, I feel I have to apologise to absoultely everyone over it. If I talk too fast and someone asks me to slow down I get really upset. If I have a few drinks and go on a ''bad buzz'' (you know how alcohol can have that affect sometimes) I blame myself and feel indulgent and hedonistic for having a drink or two in the first place.

 

Does anyone else get like this? Feeling like sh!t cos you can't be perfect all the time?

 

I try so hard to be a good friend, a cool person to be around. I try to be friendly to new people, to look attractive to members of the opposite sex, to try make everyone around me feel good, but whenever I fail even slightly at this, I start thinking I'm the world's worst person

 

Am i crazy?

 

Any ideas on how to stop this?

[girl friend]

Oh yeah man i do that too all the time.

 

Are you a psych major by any chance??

 

You're not crazy. You've just got high emotional intelligence.

Try to allow yourself to be ''off guard.'' Just existing. Don't try so hard to please. Be yourself, rather than the person you feel you ought to be.

 

Do you hate yourself?

 

girl friend

[TBE_1989]

Hey,

thanks for your reply.

 

No, I'm not a psych major at all! I am taking some psychology classes though but that's all!

 

I don't hate myself at all, that's the odd thing. I just love making people happy and feeling that I'm a cool person to be around, and when I fail in that, I just get down.

[maka56]

Im actually the same OP, im trying to combat it by just being myself and relaxing around others I know it's hard but try it.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

I think a lot of people must do this because I do it too!

 

Its our heads trying to make sense of the turmoil!

[GottaLetItBurn]

I do this sometimes, over think my behavior and look back on what I said in a conversation. I think when you just stop thinking of that stuff and just let things flow it's best. I always try to imagine I'm with someone like my mom or brother. Then I can just be myself.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Alcohol in itself is a depressent. One component of depression can be obession or getting stuck on a particular idea.

 

So i suggest you first try not drinking for a while and seeing if this kind of obsessive thinking alleviates a little. Next party you go to, don't drink.

 

And you also have to make a constant effort to put your 'censor' to bed. That kind of self monitoring can really feed on itself.

 

Practice thought stopping, and when those type of thoughts start, tell yourself stop, and remind yourself that you're there to have fun, not obsess about yourself. If you're focusing on these kinds of thoughts, you're not focusing on other people, so it's a self fulfilling cycle.

 

Make it your goal to not think about yourself, but totally focus on the other people. Ask them questions about themselves until you stop thinking about you.

[theWalla]

You are not crazy. I am the same way myself.

 

I have an obsessive personality. I strive to be perfect. I over-analyze everything that people say, and the things they don't say.

 

It has driven me to failures and depression. It causes me to have low self esteem, and to attack others for not meeting my standards of perfection. It has caused me many problems in my professional, academic, and personal life.

 

What you must realize is that a person who strives to be perfect will always fail. Despite how they may exceed the expectations and achievements of others, they will always fail to be perfect because they are human. And that will always depress you if you think like that.

 

I've begun to learn "how to fail". What I wasn't getting before is that failure is the way we learn. Failure is how we become stronger. Learning from failure is one of the most valuable assets humans have available to them.

 

This means taking yourself out of your comfort zone sometimes. This means quitting sometimes. This means making a fool out of yourself so many times that you no longer feel foolish.

 

This is no easy task. But it is the only way you get out of this self-defeating attitude and out of the depression. Once you get out, and realize that you had it in yourself to get out, then you feel tremendously empowered, which allows you more success than you had previously allowed yourself.

 

----

 

Edit: In just 10 minutes of posting, I've read my own post about 10 times to look for errors. See, you are really _not_ alone

[TheSmilingTurnip]

Yes, when you are obsessing about yourself, it can be depressing. What is the best antidote? Get out and do something for someone else. STOP thinking about yourself so much.

[TBE_1989]

Alcohol in itself is a depressent. One component of depression can be obession or getting stuck on a particular idea.

 

So i suggest you first try not drinking for a while and seeing if this kind of obsessive thinking alleviates a little. Next party you go to, don't drink.

 

I know, I'm really aware of the affect alcohol can have. I rarely drink, that's the thing. this happens even if I haven't been drinking.

 

Thanks for all the replies!

[Gray Fox]

I know how it feels. Even after an exceptionally good night I tend to remember the things I did wrong in detail. I replay them over and over in my head, like I'm trying to punish myself for being imperfect. It takes a while but i get over it.

 

Maybe it's important to us how we exist to others. If you don't know me I don't exist. We want to be remembered as prefect but little to we know it’s our imperfections that makes us unique.

[Jelina]

I do this all the time. And sometimes I am really nice to people but then after wards I start analyzing the conversation and wonder if I was nice enough. I have developed a great fear of people I like not liking me as a person. I analyze myself so much that I get depressed and cry about it, then I realize that I might just be over reacting and then I go back to analyzing everything and then crying again. It's a cycle, my mind is SERIOUSLY my worst enemy. I also analyze everything people tell me too.

[Jelina]

I know how it feels. Even after an exceptionally good night I tend to remember the things I did wrong in detail. I replay them over and over in my head, like I'm trying to punish myself for being imperfect. It takes a while but i get over it.

 

OMG I do the same exact thing.

[TBE_1989]

Well, at least we now know we're not the only ones!

 

It's a form of idealism and tyring to be the best person you can be, I guess.