Ask a girl out? Then what...really??

[ajaxajax]

Hi all

 

I have a strong shyness when asking a girl out, even though I can get on great with some. It's probably the only problem I have with girls...and that's what's stopping me from starting a romantic life.

 

I have always thought that I don't ask because I was just afraid of rejection or, maybe, being told: "Sorry, I've already got a bf or husband." But, I have realised something else that stopped me from trying.

 

Well, two things.

 

First, I am not exactly sure how often or for how long I need to befriend or talk to a woman before asking her even for lunch. I keep hearing about how women get asked out only 2-3 hours after first meeting their guys...just like my sister (now engaged).

 

Second, if I do ask a woman out, will that mean that, if she's decent and says yes, would I have to necessarily remain with her? Also, if I kept going out with her and then I find another girl who is better in general (not necessarily with looks), then how would I approach this problem without being a sleaze, a gigolo or "the bad guy"? I'm sure that if I were in that situation, I would have an interest in the second one, but still have deep feelings for the first one - I wouldn't exactly "let go" of either one of them and I would still see each woman for who SHE is.

[robinhood]

(1) you have to decide for yourself when to ask the girl. it varies for everyone and you just need to sense the "chemistry".

 

(2) the only real solution i can think of is to tell the girl that you just want fun and nothing too serious. that way, things won't be as complicated if either of you choose to move on. obviously, if you were really into that girl, you wouldn't have the 2nd problem you mentioned. that's why i only go for girls i really like.

[ajaxajax]

But if that is the case with the first lady, then if I don't ask her out and go with her at least for some time, how else could I be sure if she is really worth staying with? That's since if I did spend a fair amount of time before asking her out, there's a real risk that she'd be swept off her feet by a "competitor".

[ghost69]

i don't need any more female friends. if i talk to a new girl it's because i need to ask her a question about work or school or something related, or it's because i find her attractive. no more friends necessary.

[ajaxajax]

I'm not saying that one I have a gf, I'd fall for another one right away. I'm trying to put it in the context like this:

What if I suddenly ask a girl out just to at least give it a try? She says yes, then it goes onto lunches then dinners then "crossing the line" into a relationship. Then, overtime, you find her to be a good, reasonable chic but is just OK...well, not bad enough to end the relationship there and then.

 

Then, I come accross a girl (I'm not saying it WILL always happen but...) who gets on with you very well, has better attitudes, personality and values and is single. You suddenly find yourself wanting to go out with that lady - at least to stop her from going out with a jerk in a potentially "eternal" relationship. But, at the same time, I know that I'd need to choose one or the other. And I end up with too much of a heart to just cut off the relationship with the first lady.

 

In this scenario, what should I do then?

 

I'm not trying to have one and the other "on the side". I probably consider myself to have much of a "loving" nature...if you disagree, that's ok. Also, I'm trying to make sure that I get the best lady for me, considering that I could end up with a potentially mediocre match merely because of circumstance...what's best for every person is not necessarily what happens in real life, after all. And that's one reason why I am not very confident with asking out now...I'm just afraid that I'd make an "unacceptable" action when I'm not trying to be.