Good people don't always end up with a good relationship

[MD Geist]

These last couple of weeks I have undergone like a series of rejections of the oppsite sex after working on my life these last two years and its been great.

 

I concider myself a good person, I have a positive attitude, working towards my future my carrers, just recently got my spritial life on track, don't have the best job in the world at the moment but I don't mind I don't hate it, my body frame isn't exactly small but for being full figured I think I look better than most guys with my weight just need to hit up the weights again. Iam also very confident that my life will be great it will only getter better not worst. Iam not a very picky person but it does seem like the woman iam looking for doesn't exsist. I have never had a girlfriend and never kissed anyone.

 

However I do feel that having a relationship is just not possible ever in my life dispite my efforts and attitude it won't happen. My out comes have aleast improved from really bad to atleast a peaceful rejections but thats about it. Finding any good women around here is very difficult because most women around here are single moms even those in my age group. I also attend a large church here the largest one in CS to be exact and its got a wonderful event there on fridays for 20somethings and yes its a great place to meet women however most have a habbit of putting you into the friends zone. I do other things outside of that and iam constantly meeting people of both sexes of all ages so theres no exuses as to why I shouldn't be meeting anyone.Iam out there everyday I never stay home and do nothing Iam always out there!.

 

Could it be the avalabitlity? Its very difficult to meet a good woman out here most of them are taken, either married or in a relationship or just not interested in me. Then the ones that are avalable are either single moms or girls that don't carry themselves very well.

 

I make the best effort to look great but this past week it just becomes more discouraging to the point where I don't want to even try anymore. I look all nice and such use proper posture only to see a gorgous woman be with some jobless slob wearing riped up cloths and smells funny or some wannabe gangster who can't even say "Thing" the right way and its like what the hell?.

 

I have thought about my options over these last couple of days. Perhaps going to another state and spending time over there but I have no disere to leave Colorado, been here my whole life and starting somewhere else new would be very difficult for me at this point.

 

Since one night stands are popular these days it seems like experience counts and everybodys doing right?

 

 

I always wanted to be a great partner to a woman, now I feel like all these years of maturity of personal growth and development have been a waste.

 

Donno where to go from where to be honest I think I finally hit the glass ceiling in this part of my life where nothing will ever change nor get better regardless of how hard I try and change things nothing ever will change. I guess its that thing in life where you can't have it. Not having a partner in life to love I guess was mine.

 

I can't complain atleast the rest of my life is better than most people I know at my age and with all these accomplishments and where iam going I can't complain about it.

 

I guess the next step is to close my mind off completely from women, dating, sex, love and become like a monk and try cutt off these emotions completely for life.

[madmarten]

Ignoring the dramatic stuff the end, yeah I am not going to lie, the dating world is brutal. Just a couple points. One, quit taking stuff personally. I mean, nobody cares about the big chip on your shoulder. Not the people here on ENA, not your family, not your therapist, not even your future girlfriend. Two, make the changes in your life necessary to get where you want to go. You are young enough and it it seems smart enough to do that.

[BrokenJoy]

Hey bud,

Don't be too hard on yourself. I wouldn't close all options right away just because the 'right woman' hasn't come along as yet. It's commendable that you've been working on yourself for the past few years and you're ready to be in a relationship, not a waste. Try not to set your expectations too high, in general, that way you can't be disappointed. It will happen when you least expect it, at least that's what "they" say, right?

Best of Luck,

BrokenJoy

[gcollier2002]

I'm right with ya, pal. It's like going to the Wal-Mart and searching for a parking spot... The great ones are taken and the rest are out of reach or handicapped! LOL. I think you're going about everything the right way, so if I were you I wouldn't change too much about that. Perhaps a different venue other than church? If Colorado is similar to S. Illinois, that's probably easier said than done; but just a thought. -Just hang in there and have faith that things all happen for a reason whether you want them to or not.

 

-Take care!

[MD Geist]

Two, make the changes in your life necessary to get where you want to go. You are young enough and it it seems smart enough to do that.

 

Been there done that.

 

Try not to set your expectations too high, in general, that way you can't be disappointed. It will happen when you least expect it, at least that's what "they" say, right?

 

 

I highly doubt that. That will only set me on track to becoming a 40 year old virgin.

 

Everybody I know has told me the same old BS of it won't happen if your looking or God is getting you and her ready and to be honest I just believe thats just another way to mask up " you won't ever have a partner in life" My standards aren't to high however I feel if I drop them I will be in an unhappy relationship for life.

 

I never come off as being negative and I have quite a few female friends I just always end up only just being friends with them and thats it.

 

I guess having a girlfriend for some is like having a life full of luxry for others. if I keep my distance from women I should be ok.

[El Argonauta]

Been there done that.

 

I highly doubt that. That will only set me on track to becoming a 40 year old virgin.

 

Everybody I know has told me the same old BS of it won't happen if your looking or God is getting you and her ready and to be honest I just believe thats just another way to mask up " you won't ever have a partner in life" My standards aren't to high however I feel if I drop them I will be in an unhappy relationship for life.

 

I never come off as being negative and I have quite a few female friends I just always end up only just being friends with them and thats it.

 

I guess having a girlfriend for some is like having a life full of luxry for others. if I keep my distance from women I should be ok.

 

I know how you feel and I totally empathise. Right now I'm licking my wounds after a string of false hopes, let downs and disappointments that have made me ponder what my romantic future will be. I've even started to consider my "insurance policy": an offer by my family to match-make me with someone from my parent's country. However at 22 you're far too young to just wave the white flag and conclude you'll never meet anyone of merit.

 

Yeah, It is BS when people say: "your dream woman will come to you when you stop looking" and it does seem that nice guys finish last. Particually judging by the amount of great women who are content to settle for head scratchingly bad choices that make you scream "why?". Of course being turned down makes you feel like crap and lowers your self-esteem, no-one likes rejection and anyone who says it doesn't bother them even slightly is dishonest.

 

We put too much pressure on expecting people to be in relationships and if you're not, then you're made to feel abnormal and weird. This leads to many people settling for bad choices out of a need to be with anyone who has a pulse rather than be alone and that's the worst scenario because you're destined for regret and unhappiness.

 

What works for me is to focus on my hobbies, interests and pastimes and take some time out from the dating realm to recharge. Relationships I think should be one aspect of your life, not the be all and end all. Continue with putting pride into your appearance because It always pays to try and look your best regardless of being single or not. After all, you're looking good for yourself first and foremost right?

 

If the availability is low where you live is there any chance that you can travel away from your city/town/state to a different area for say a weekend break with some friends and see if you meet new people?

 

Give yourself some time to recover and then try again, dating with a view to finding a SO is like the quest for the holy grail: difficult, not impossible...

[CrazyKing]

Just imagine yourself being a guitar, for example... If you don't try tuning it to "Relationship", it will always play "Rejection" when you play it...

And as soon as you meet someone new you keep on playing the same "rejection" tune all the time and you keep on wondering why the one who's going to reject you responds...

 

You may, deep inside your heart, be a Fender Stratocaster, but even such a great guitar sounds horrible if it's not tuned right...

 

Just tune yourself by feeling what's the right tune for you and which isn't...

[MattW]

Heh, I'm definitely in the same boat as you, Geist. I mean, when I think about my good qualities, I think I'd make a damn good boyfriend/ significant other/ whatever you want to call it. But, for whatever reason, girls don't look at me that way. Now, maybe that's partially because I have a bit going against me in terms of physical appearance, and also because I have lots of personal issues about confidence and shyness that I can't quite overcome. I DO think there's another big issue I just can't understand about myself, but I'll get into that in a second. Anyway, Geist, I remember you writing something about all your good qualities going to waste, and that made me chuckle, because I often think the same thing about myself! Things just feel so hopeless, to me, and that's a real bummer, because I think I have a lot to offer, but no one seems to want what I have.

 

Oh, so back to that really confusing issue I have. See, for whatever reason, I can't bring myself to be "attracted" to any girls I meet. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mean that in a "confused about my sexuality" way (I know I'm definitely straight, lol!), but every time I meet a girl, I just don't feel anything more than friendship. It's kinda interesting, because I'm actually fairly comfortable around girls, but I always end up only seeing them as friends. And to my knowledge, none of them have been "attracted" to me, either, so... But, through my life, I've had some little "crushes" on a handful of girls, but I didn't see myself having anything long term with said girls, and that's why I know that they're "crushes" and nothing more.

 

Now, there IS one girl that I feel soooooo strongly about, but... things are really complicated and messed up, and I just don't know if things will ever really work out for me and her. And it's really sad, because she's the only girl I've ever met in my whole life that I believe could really have a future with, and that's what I'm looking for right now.

 

So, I dunno. I'm moving forward with my life, and my education, and pursuing my goals, but what I really want is a relationship, and it's looking bleaker and bleaker as time goes on. IF I ever find some one, I'll probably end up with a woman like my one uncle ended up with; for him, he was totally in love with this one girl, but she had to move away, and he was totally heartbroken. He started seeing a very loose girl who slept with pretty much every guy she met. Even while she was with my uncle! She slept with both his brothers, my mom's ex-husband, even people that were helping with her wedding to my uncle! Even today, she's probably cheating on him, and he's either totally oblivious or, more likely, he knows, but he just doesn't care, because he needs some one in his life. So, unfortunately, if anyone, I'll probably end up with a woman who cheats on me and all that stuff, and like my uncle, I just don't know that I'd be strong enough to put my foot down in that situation.

[CrazyKing]

What I'm going to reply now is the same old advice that says don't wait

 

Most people don't explain it enough... Don't wait means not to stop thinking about closer relationships with the opposite sex, it's all about feeling that you're the perfect partner and realizing that you're complete enough to meet THE ONE...

[MD Geist]

After all, you're looking good for yourself first and foremost right?

 

If the availability is low where you live is there any chance that you can travel away from your city/town/state to a different area for say a weekend break with some friends and see if you meet new people?

 

Give yourself some time to recover and then try again, dating with a view to finding a SO is like the quest for the holy grail: difficult, not impossible...

 

Availability is very low because all the girls around here want military men and theres lots of military men here so thats where they all go either that or the older men like in there 40's. There's not many places where the youth is big here in this city it consist of mainly middle aged floks or like I said military people the rest are either way to ghetto or are single moms. Sadly though even the slobs are more lucky to find a good ones and land a date.

 

I do take alot of time in my appearance and extra effort especially when going out with friends. My shoes, my cloths, hygene is high on my priority list you know cause iam not like most men. Heck even my ride is alittle tricked out.

 

Could I date someone out of state yes and no I just don't want to travel out of my city and relocate somewhere else it would be very difficult on myself to do so.

 

The only way I might concider trying again and thats if I go out there and get some experience from FWB or something otherwise I just should quit while iam a head. There's so much in life I want to accomplish and I feel once I do ill never meet anyone after that point.

 

Just imagine yourself being a guitar, for example... If you don't try tuning it to "Relationship", it will always play "Rejection" when you play it...

And as soon as you meet someone new you keep on playing the same "rejection" tune all the time and you keep on wondering why the one who's going to reject you responds...

 

You may, deep inside your heart, be a Fender Stratocaster, but even such a great guitar sounds horrible if it's not tuned right...

 

Just tune yourself by feeling what's the right tune for you and which isn't...

 

Maybe iam not the right tunes for any woman.

[shy2cool]

You are right. I am a good person, but no one likes me.

[MD Geist]

Its not that nobody like me I have lots of friends its there's not a woman out there for me.

 

I felt like that time has come and gone and all id get at this point is nothing but bad relationships. I have met nothing but single moms over the last year.

[KAT MOMMY]

/'honey you kepp throwing the phrase single mom as if it is a disease or something, I am a single mom and I take good care of myself and my child and I feel as if I am very attractive and a very good catch. So if you turning your nose up at a woman because she is a single mom then that may be the reason you are having a hard time finding a compatiable mate. Alot of the times the fathers of our children are worthless laxzy pieces of shi* and we'd rather be on our own then to go throught the stress, and drama with the father of that child. You shouldn't view it as a bad thing you should look at it as a positive in the sense that she is responsible enough to raise her child and the strength you should admie because it's not easy. SO instead of you writing them off you should be commending them for carrying such a heavy load. Most of the time those women have far more going on then the sinlge, kidless breed.

 

Going to church to find a woman is so played. You need to be going there to hear the word not looking for chicks.

GEt Focused

[KAT MOMMY]

Its not that nobody like me I have lots of friends its there's not a woman out there for me.

 

I felt like that time has come and gone and all id get at this point is nothing but bad relationships. I have met nothing but single moms over the last year.

 

What is wrong with single moms? Take a look at yourself and see what YOU can do to change the type of women you attract. You are only 22 and you have a lot of living to do-you just getting your feet wet! The fact that a female had a kid early in life doesn't make her less than a commodity.

[MD Geist]

What is wrong with single moms? Take a look at yourself and see what YOU can do to change the type of women you attract. You are only 22 and you have a lot of living to do-you just getting your feet wet! The fact that a female had a kid early in life doesn't make her less than a commodity.

 

There's a number of reasons why i won't date single parents Iam young kind of irresposible still at this age dispite my maturity. Ultimately I just can't do it iam not father matrial yet I can't take care of children this early in life. and iam being straight forward and honest.

 

I want to grow and be with someone from the beginning and start from scratch and work towards my future with that person. Dating a parent her mindset is going to be on a completely diffrent level you know and me not having absolutely no relationship experience let alone fathering experience is only a repie for a disasterous relationship, I truthfully don't see any success from doing it. Again just being honest and straight forward.

 

I was brought up with a single mother myself as well as know many single mothers in my age group. I have nothing against them however I just can't date them. Its not for everyone and I know its not the relationship for me.

[KAT MOMMY]

I am not trying to promote you to jump into a relationship with a single mother-but all I am saying is you can't knock it if you've never tried it. I understand you 110% indeed I do. It seems like you are mature even at 22 and I had my daughter at 21 and there was no other choice but for me to put that H on my chest and handle it. Love is not bias and it does not discriminate, what will be will be.

 

Good Luck

[MD Geist]

I have no choice but to put that H on my head. Girls don't want inexperienced men especially with our society today.

[CrazyKing]

Maybe iam not the right tunes for any woman.

 

Nobody's going to tune you for them...

 

If you'd really want a relationship of some kind with women, you'd already have it... obviously you want everyone to reject you, so that's what you get...

 

Complaining to others about having problems won't help ya, only you can...

[galaxy71]

I have no choice but to put that H on my head. Girls don't want inexperienced men especially with our society today.

 

MD Geist, have you tried using the advice that you received in this website??? A lot of people have given you some good advice. Yet for some reason, you keep on complaining about the same things over and over again. A lot of women in this forum don't care about a guy's prior experience as long as she likes him. If she is totally crazy about you, she won't care about your lack of experience. In a way, it will be a plus, because she doesn't have to worry about the fact that you might be a player who will use her for sex. There are also plenty of posts in this website that give good advice on how to get the girl interested in you in that way.

[MD Geist]

Nobody's going to tune you for them...

 

If you'd really want a relationship of some kind with women, you'd already have it... obviously you want everyone to reject you, so that's what you get...

 

Complaining to others about having problems won't help ya, only you can...

 

Your right if it was meant to be it would have happened along time ago liek ages ago.

 

Do I want everyone to reject me? no but it seems to be going that way regardless of my personal changes and adjustment I end up with the same results. I feel as if Life is slowly passing me by.

 

 

MD Geist, have you tried using the advice that you received in this website??? A lot of people have given you some good advice. Yet for some reason, you keep on complaining about the same things over and over again. A lot of women in this forum don't care about a guy's prior experience as long as she likes him. If she is totally crazy about you, she won't care about your lack of experience. In a way, it will be a plus, because she doesn't have to worry about the fact that you might be a player who will use her for sex. There are also plenty of posts in this website that give good advice on how to get the girl interested in you in that way.

 

 

I have used all the advice that everyone has givin to me since being on this forum and the only thing to be honest that has changed is the way I get rejected rather than being so painful its not as bad as it used to be.

 

otherwise I have had very little sucess.

 

On the forum women don't care but its a diffrent story on this side of the world. If you don't know what your doing women don't want to be with you.

[CrazyKing]

Your right if it was meant to be it would have happened along time ago liek ages ago.

 

Do I want everyone to reject me? no but it seems to be going that way regardless of my personal changes and adjustment I end up with the same results. I feel as if Life is slowly passing me by.

 

Huh, I had no luck when I was walking all the time around thinking that "if it is meant to happen, it will"... That is a terribly wrong way of thinking because it lead me to depression all the time because of the "IF"...

If you really want it to happen, BELIEVE that you already have a girlfriend - that may sound curious, but it works... Don't waste even a second for thoughts like "it isn't meant to happen" & so on... I'm meeting a very nice girl currently and she appeared only after I spent a lot of time believing that she's already here...

 

You'll see that as soon as you replace the "I end up with the same results" with "I have a cute person to cuddle up with" everything will change quite fast...

[MD Geist]

Huh, I had no luck when I was walking all the time around thinking that "if it is meant to happen, it will"... That is a terribly wrong way of thinking because it lead me to depression all the time because of the "IF"...

If you really want it to happen, BELIEVE that you already have a girlfriend - that may sound curious, but it works... Don't waste even a second for thoughts like "it isn't meant to happen" & so on... I'm meeting a very nice girl currently and she appeared only after I spent a lot of time believing that she's already here...

 

You'll see that as soon as you replace the "I end up with the same results" with "I have a cute person to cuddle up with" everything will change quite fast...

 

 

Thats great stuff.

 

 

Its very difficult to even think that way anymore because when realitly sets in its extremely depressing when it slaps you in the face.

[Luke Skywalker]

As you've said before, maybe for whatever reason, you are not meant to have a relationship. I feel the same way as you do, however, I tend to look at things in a positive way. That is, I'm not totally discontent being single as a relationship cant really fit in my life and I'm quite solitary, and meeting someone you are really comptable with is difficult.

 

That's why, in a few weeks, if I still cant find anyone, I'm going to go plastic. I'm taking the fleshlight back out of the basement, and possibly going as far as getting a blow up doll probably later this month. From what I've heard from people who are successful with women, it's just one small step above these things anyway.

[Luke Skywalker]

There is this song you can pick up on youtube, called 'all my life I prayed for someone like you', put that on the youtube search engine and you can see a bunch of stuff on there. It's a nice song and faith inspiring.

 

I think I'm going to be listening to this song regularly because it makes you feel a sense that there is someone out there who you are really compatable with that you haven't meet yet that will make up for all the rejections and crap that you are experiencing.

 

You can always choose to listen to something positive.

[MD Geist]

As you've said before, maybe for whatever reason, you are not meant to have a relationship. I feel the same way as you do, however, I tend to look at things in a positive way. That is, I'm not totally discontent being single as a relationship cant really fit in my life and I'm quite solitary, and meeting someone you are really comptable with is difficult..

 

I to look at things from a Positive way however I can't help but be discourged from even trying when i see one of these slobs with a great woman in there live's just abusing them as if they where a tool. It bothers me that iam this wonderful person as everybody tells me and iam going places in life and yet something so simple that some absive deadbeat lowlife playa could littarly accomplish very easly is impossible for someone like me.

 

Meeting someone is like winning the lotto in my opinion if your numbers don't match well better luck next week.

 

 

That's why, in a few weeks, if I still cant find anyone, I'm going to go plastic. I'm taking the fleshlight back out of the basement, and possibly going as far as getting a blow up doll probably later this month. From what I've heard from people who are successful with women, it's just one small step above these things anyway.

 

Thats good advice however I feel I want to move past that state of a relationship you know wanting to feel the release of pleasure is something we always want to feel but for me for a change for once in my life I do want to feel what is it is like to love another human being that I actually like, go through a relationship, work towards goals and dreams and be a great partner to some woman out there which is something I have thrived to be my whole life, I never wanted to be some deadbeat who doesn't threat his partner right I wanted to be an amzing partner to some girl out there.

 

After all these years of reading books, learning very little about relationships as much as I can I feel like iam wasted talent just floating in a free agency pool not getting signed to the team I need to be apart of.

 

If only I could elminate that "need" I wouldn't have much to worry about I have thought about completely changing my life style to almost like a monk where iam in complete Isolation but I do like the every day life and not to mention I have worked very hard to get to where iam going. The only positive thing that keeps me going that I do think of is I have come this far without ever being in love I can go the rest of the journey without it.

 

You can always choose to listen to something positive.

 

Thats always a great choice.