friend mentioned mate swapping in jest

[enlightenme]

Okay, maybe I am being too sensitive. So you guys be the judge. My friend that I haven't known incredibly long, said something to me in jest today that is not sitting with me well. Have you ever had the feeling that one of your friends likes your boyfriend a little too much? And says things like oh, I can't wait to see him. Even though they have only interacted with your significant other twice? Then in jest today asks if your boyfriend is into mate swapping? and covers it by saying just joking.... Let's just say now I am feeling a little uncomfortable and want to distance myself from this person. Now do I tell my boyfriend why? Or am I completely over-reacting? My gut is saying distance distance distance bad situation. What do you think?

[JadedStar]

- I wouldn't bother even telling your boyfriend.

- I think she was out of line.

- I wuoldn't blame you if you ended the friendship.

 

There is truth in jest and she crossed a line IMO.

 

Maybe I am a hard ass but I wouldn't find it very funny at all.

[MorrowJ]

If she continues to show signs of interest in your boyfriend, I'd want to discuss it with her in confidence if I were you.

[redhearts]

I say you shouldn't have a friend like that.

[_Asti_]

I say you shouldn't have a friend like that.

 

Yea, pretty much.

I experienced the same thing..and I let it go on too long, to the point where she actually tried a little hard to break us up.

 

It was hard to end the 10 year friendship, but she clearly has no concept of respect and I didn't need it.

 

Keep an eye out, and speak up. I know it may be hard, but just try and distance yourself from her, and her interacting with your guy, if she asks about it, be clear and honest.

[HellFrost666]

Does this person joke around a lot? If so she probably was just joking.

 

I agree it's probably not a good idea to tell your boyfriend. That could blow up in your face.

[_Asti_]

I don't see whats the big deal about telling her boyfriend?

If this is someone she interacts with on regular basis, telling him that she's not comfortable with the way she's acting, the things she's saying, etc and would rather distance herself, I don't think is a big deal for him to know.He could also keep an eye out for inappropriate behavior, as thats what occurred in my situation and made him open his eyes to my friends behavior and how far she was actually going in trying to make something happen between them.

[redhearts]

About telling your bf I don't see any harm, hes eventually probably going to ask why you aren't hanging with that girl anymore.

[itsallgrand]

Distance is good.

 

Nah, I wouldn't bother telling the bf unless this gets to be more of a problem.

 

You can probably handle this as is by simply cutting her out. I don't blame you for feeling uncomfortable.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Her behavior really isn't appropriate. If she told you once your boyfriend is nice and a great catch (as in making you feel proud to have him) that is fine.

 

But if she keeps making references to her own feelings of attraction to him, that is a big red flag.

 

I would not bring her round him again, and i would distance myself from her.

 

There are some people who are unscrupulous who can and will try to 'steal' someting they see and want. Of course your boyfriend may always rebuff her if he is loyal to you, but it is better to never even go there.

 

I don't think you have to mention it to your boyfriend at all. Just deal with it, and cut off your friendship with her so it becomes a moot point.

[JadedStar]

I don't see whats the big deal about telling her boyfriend?

If this is someone she interacts with on regular basis, telling him that she's not comfortable with the way she's acting, the things she's saying, etc and would rather distance herself, I don't think is a big deal for him to know.He could also keep an eye out for inappropriate behavior, as thats what occurred in my situation and made him open his eyes to my friends behavior and how far she was actually going in trying to make something happen between them.

 

Its not a "big deal" telling him. I suggest not because there is no need to drag him into her nonsense. I would migrate away from the friendship and not mention it to him as to not cause any unnecessary alarm. In other words, she isn't WORTH mentioning this to him.

[bijoux27]

I'd tell her to stfu.

[JadedStar]

I'd tell her to stfu.

 

LMAO!

 

SCORE!

 

Best post on the thread. LOL

[greensleeves]

You mentioned in your first post that you haven't known her incredibly long, so I'm guessing she's not a very close friend. I just think that she's being very obvious that she has a thing for your boyfriend..."I can't wait to see him?"...maybe she's hoping that you will say something to your boyfriend and is manipulating you. If you mentioned the mate swapping comment to him, it would be hard for him not to look at her in a different light and she probably knows that. If it were me, I'd just distance myself from her.

[ghost69]

I'd tell her to stfu.

 

beat me to it.

[enlightenme]

Yea, pretty much.

I experienced the same thing..and I let it go on too long, to the point where she actually tried a little hard to break us up.

 

It was hard to end the 10 year friendship, but she clearly has no concept of respect and I didn't need it.

 

Keep an eye out, and speak up. I know it may be hard, but just try and distance yourself from her, and her interacting with your guy, if she asks about it, be clear and honest.

 

Yeah, you pretty much nailed it. And yes, I have had this happen in the past with other boyfriends. That's why I found it so disturbing. And posted this for a gut check. And most of you confirmed what I was feeling. And I appreciate it. I talked to him about it last night. If I can't tell him why am I with him? I am taking the distance advice. But, felt the need to tell him because we will still have to interact with her a few more times because of the business that I run. She is temporarily involved in my event production business. I told him last night to please do nothing to encourage the friendship. Be courteous and polite like he would to anyone but, not make efforts like she is going to stay in my life. With this stage of what I am doing I need to have people around me that I can trust, and that won't bring drama. I thought she was turning into a good friend but, yeah... more like a jealous friend that wants what I have. I hate those. My boyfriend was sweet and said, she is the only one talking/joking about the swap, You don't want it, I don't want it, and I bet her boyfriend doesn't want it either. I also explained to him that I have had this happen several times in my lifetime, and I can usually smell a rat. And back to what Asti said, if you let it go....worse things can happen. And before you know it she is trying to put her hand on his knee at the dinner table. (true example it really happened to me) He said he trusted my judgment. And that he wouldn't befriend her on any level. And you have to understand my bf if he thinks someone is my friend he will try to befriend them ten times over. In this instance by not telling him, it was like I was sending him into the lion's den with no ammo.

 

Thanks for all of the posts. You made me trust my gut instinct. Even though the post was quick and a little emotional and I didn't give you all of the info.. all of your initial reactions reconfirmed what I was thinking. So I really really appreciate them!

[enlightenme]

oh, and LOL at stfu! Best advice on the board. haha

[allypally]

No TRUE friend would ever contemplate doing that or suggesting such a thing.