Do dumpers put a front on?

[maka56]

This is a question for dumpers or anyone else with experiance, today I did something stupid and looked at the ex's facebook she's uploaded a few new pictures of herself and she looks really happy in them, before I met her she never smiled in photos as she said she didnt like her smile but I said she had a beutiful smile and should smile more often. Now do dumpers put on a front to appear there moving on?, has anyone done this to to here ex?.

[JeckyllNHyde]

i haven't intentionally done this but yes. i have seen a few guys do this to girls (of course i'm not trying to stereotype).

alot of times it's not intentional.. but the dumper is also not taking any steps to take the dumpees feelings into consideration. it's like they know it may hurt you but at that point they don't really care.

[pumpkinmoon]

I think that they do. From what I know they try to go out as much as possible to escape what they are really feeling so they can just cover it up. I know this because when my ex broke up with me all he did was go out and drink and he still does. They do this as a way of coping. Maybe not all but most.

[maka56]

I think that they do. From what I know they try to go out as much as possible to escape what they are really feeling so they can just cover it up. I know this because when my ex broke up with me all he did was go out and drink and he still does. They do this as a way of coping. Maybe not all but most.

 

 

Yea weired huh!, my ex was never a really big drinker when she was with me but damm a few weeks after breakup she became this alcoholic overnight! I was just gobsmacked of the change of character!, even saying on facebook status "the pub is my new home" "cant wait to get drunk" etc etc.

[pumpkinmoon]

Yeah my ex wasn't a drinker either. He would be quite happy sitting in a pub with a coke instead of a beer. He didnt like to drink because it messed up his gym and hockey training but now he is out drinking every other night, doesn't go the the gym and doesn't go to hockey training as many days a week as he used to. Basically he is going downhill. All his friends are losers and he is the only one i feel can make something of himself but they are dragging him right down and it is shocking to see how much he has changed. It makes me quite sad to think about actually but it's his choice and there s nothing I can do about it.

[D_Lish]

I would've thought that a dumper was more likely to put a front on, if they still had feelings for the ex and trying not to show they have. This is the dumper, that is likely to come crawling back eventually...

 

Most dumpers and when they dump, are actually past caring about the dumped anyway...hence is why they dump.

[pumpkinmoon]

I would've thought that a dumper was more likely to put a front on, if they still had feelings for the ex and trying not to show they have. This is the dumper, that is likely to come crawling back eventually...

 

Most dumpers and when they dump, are actually past caring about the dumped anyway...hence is why they dump.

 

Good point. I think that if they were glad they were rid of the dumpee and had no feelings left their lives would not change just because they dumped us. They wouldn't need to go out drinking more or do other things that are out of character to fill the void.

[Up and Down]

This is a question for dumpers or anyone else with experiance, today I did something stupid and looked at the ex's facebook she's uploaded a few new pictures of herself and she looks really happy in them, before I met her she never smiled in photos as she said she didnt like her smile but I said she had a beutiful smile and should smile more often. Now do dumpers put on a front to appear there moving on?, has anyone done this to to here ex?.

 

The one thing you need to recognize about Facebook and Myspace is that everyone is putting a front on. No one is going to put a picture of themselves up there crying or looking beat down. All of the pictures will be of them looking good or doing something fun. You can't base how she feels on a picture you saw of her on a website controlled by her.

 

In any case step away from these kind of websites as they will only hinder your progress. Hard to do I know, every time you get an inkling to look, go do something else, like go for a run, read a book, call a friend.

[gee]

Yea weired huh!, my ex was never a really big drinker when she was with me but damm a few weeks after breakup she became this alcoholic overnight! I was just gobsmacked of the change of character!, even saying on facebook status "the pub is my new home" "cant wait to get drunk" etc etc.

 

 

I know exactly what you mean! She rarely drank. As soon as she walked out she starts drinking excessively! I was in shock to learn that, but hey thats what they want..so be it.

[Mayday11]

Sure they do.

 

In the few times that I dumped someone, it was not a pleasant experience at all. Sure, I had thought it out in my head over and over and over before actually doing it, but that's quite different than the reality of actually doing it.

 

If anyone has had a grandparent or knew someone who was going downhill in their health, it's the same thing. You know they don't have long left and you prepare yourself for it mentally. You tell yourself "They're most likely going to die soon and I've got to be strong and will be prepared for it." But then, when they actually do die, you're overcome with quite a bit of grief and sadness, despite how much you mentally prepared yourself for it.

 

Same thing goes here. Breaking up with someone that you still care for very much, but don't feel that a relationship is good for either of you, hurts a lot. You've run it through in your head so many times, but actually seeing the look of sheer sadness and dread on their face as you say those words can also rip your heart out, too. After all, while you don't want to continue a romantic relationship with them, you still care for their well being and their happiness and want the best for them.

 

When people say the dumper has already dealt with the grief of the breakup before after doing it, so they move on quicker, I've found this to be quite wrong, at least for me. Anyone who can not be effected by seeing someone they shared a lot with and wish the best for crumble before them is a cold, cold person.

 

And the worst thought of all is the "Did I do the right thing?" Even though I thought about it for such a long time, the question still entered my head. It would be absolutely horrible if you crushed this person you cared for very much for questionable reasons. So, what did I do? Well, I guess I kind of tried to convince myself that it was the right idea. I didn't do it to rub it into my ex or to make them feel worse, I did it because I wanted to reinforce my decision to myself. I wanted to prove that I did the right thing.

 

I would 'live it up', I would party, I would do things that would make me believe I did the right thing. That while I hurt this great person so much, it was overall for the better. I never jumped into another relationship, because I I knew this 'convincing myself' period would be temporary and any relationship I started during this period would most likely be temporary, too.

 

I only actually went back to someone I dumped once (and honestly, it was the only one I dumped that actually made an effort to better themselves for reconciliation. The others cried and were hurt, but pretty much cut me off and started moving on). The other times, I really had made the best decision. I'm good friends with the large majority of my exs (although, it's taken awhile to get to this point) and the few I dumped are in relationships with guys that are much better matched for them than I was.

 

While this hasn't happened, I'd imagine that if I dumped someone I had absolutely no feelings for or didn't care for at all, I wouldn't need this 'convincing myself' period. I really would just move on with things and be content with living my life as usual.

 

So, as much as it hurts seeing your ex living it up, dating around, having fun and acting like they don't have a care in the world, they're most likely doing it with you sitting in the back of their mind.

[pumpkinmoon]

 

So, as much as it hurts seeing your ex living it up, dating around, having fun and acting like they don't have a care in the world, they're most likely doing it with you sitting in the back of their mind.

 

Very true!!!!

[Marton04]

Why would the dumpers write stuff on their Facebook page like my ex just did yesterday "feel used and loving it!" if they had you in the back of their mind? I just think his true colours have shown now as I read that to say he's slept with someone already "feel used"

[pumpkinmoon]

I think he is putting stuff on there because he is fairly certain you will be reading it, thereforee you are in the back of his mind.

[Mayday11]

Why would the dumpers write stuff on their Facebook page like my ex just did yesterday "feel used and loving it!" if they had you in the back of their mind? I just think his true colours have shown now as I read that to say he's slept with someone already "feel used"

 

Why are you reading his Facebook page? Work on a bit of self control, reading his facebook or myspace isn't doing you any good at all.

 

And yes, there's a good chance he's putting that on there to get some sort of reaction out of you, especially if you haven't been contacting him. Don't take the bait. When people are truly happy, they're content. And when they're content, they have no interest in making sure everyone knows just how happy they are.