16 year old son & his rage

[Hopelives]

Help?

 

Short story:

 

Straight A-B student through 5th grade.

 

6th grade "drama" moves in...

 

7th grade "drama" moves out... grades are Fs and a one or two Ds.

 

Find out "drama" was physically and mentally abusive to both my son and I.

 

8th grade, failed. Son starts beating on me. I'm bruised once in awhile. (Son is about 6" taller than me and outweighs me by about 50 pounds.) My parents, however supportive they are, feel bad for him and his own pain, they take him shopping...

 

9th grade, failed. Son pummels my backside kidney, and I call the police. They see the large bruising on my back, haul him to jail. It's the weekend before Thanksgiving. He is released reluctantly to me, the judge fears for my safety. Son starts weekly counseling sessions with licensed social worker who only works with teenage boys.

 

10th grade, failed. Son has not hit me since the incident in 9th grade. Son is still in counseling. He is also diagnosed with ADD and depression (FINALLY!!!) and put on Concerta and Lexapro by a psychiatrist who works only with children. Son is also sent to outpatient therapy for two weeks to help learn more appropriate coping skills.

 

Son comes home, I ask about homework and where he's at with making up a class online. He gets violent with the walls in my house; so far, I've got about 10 holes, the size of large softballs, or small basketballs in my house.

 

Tonight, I got three more holes in the walls after I found out he lied to me about his homework and played video games instead. He screamed at me, threw some stuff, broke a chair. I stayed very, very calm. When he got further in my face yelling, I calmly walked away and said I would talk to him when he was calmer. I did. I stayed in my bedroom for about 20 minutes.

 

He goes to the regular physician tomorrow to get his Lexapro increased. I'm hoping it will take the edge off the depression.

 

He went to bed tonight as asked, I went in after a few minutes and told him that I loved him no matter what and would not give up on him.

 

Help... I feel like I can't help him. I feel like he's never going to know what "normal" is like or how to cope appropriately.

99% of the time = he's an AWESOME kid.

 

](*,)

[Angel_baby]

Did something traumatic happen to him around the time his anger problems started?

 

I can't imagine what it must be like to have to go through this. I have a son (still a toddler) and my heart would break in your position.

 

Have you thought about doing something that would involve a bigger intervention for his anger? Their are programs for it out there. If therapy and meds don't start working soon for him he will go back to being physically violent to you. It always escalates.

 

Does he want to change?

 

My husband, who is abusive because of anger problems, takes medicine for it. Worked slightly but it isn't enough on it's own.

[Hopelives]

He has always been "rageful" when he doesn't get his way - even as an infant.

 

When he was an infant, he would go from smiley, cuddly to "pissed off" in a flat 2 seconds. There was never a "build up" - like a gurgle or a "wah" there was smile to p'oed in short notice.

 

I read books when he was in elementary school on the rageful child - I have tended to be more heavy handed; my way or the highway sort of deal. I have boundaries with him.

 

The trauma came when my then bf lived with us - the abusive guy... the abuse suffered by both of us was/is unmentionable... I got through and over it, my son learned some really horrible coping behaviors at the age of 11 - 13.

 

I think the depression is what causes him to trigger like he does... How others would just walk away from a fight over small stuff, he fights and get violent. He also suffers from a lack of self-esteem which I think largely stems from my ex bf but also from me and my lack of intervention when my ex was being a jerk (I did not know what he was doing until shortly before we broke up).

[Angel_baby]

Yes that would explain where he learned from your ex how to let out anger with violence. Being a teenager with raging hormones doesn't make it any easier for him. And I would be willing to bet that he hates himself for his anger and what it does to him and you.

 

How often does you go to therapy?

 

What concerns me is how he could seriously hurt you and not mean to with his blind rage. If things start looking like it is going back to before, do you have any sort of plan?

 

Just reading from your posts I can see everything he does is screaming "I need help". But he needs to be willing to let that help in also... which is hard to do as a teenager because they want to find there independence and place in this world.