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So, in further pondering about my sexuality, I was thinking...


There is the mainstream gay crowd, with a lot of wacky hair and anorexically skinny guys and effeminate personalities.


and then there is the bear crowd, that seems like an overy manly lumberjack, hairy, tattoo, leather wearing, biker group. besides, I'm not planning on hibernating anytime soon, and i would never use the word 'bear' to describe myself. that's kind of offensive to me.


I'm not either of those, and wouldn't find a mate in either of those categories attractive either, although I find people with an effeminate personality are ok.


What's in between the two? Do I need to start a new movement, or am I invisible because I'm just like a straight guy and never want to change the way I am?

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i really wouldn't worry so much about physical apperances defining you. i'm gay myself - and i don't fit into any of the stereotypical lesbian categories. i'm not butch at all (i have long hair and femininie features) but im also not a "lipstick lesbian" - i dont wear makeup or heels etc.


so i also find myself not fitting into any of the stereotypes of the gay scene - but i'd think of it as a good thing! people never really know i'm gay just by looking at me, and they might not for you either - but wouldn't you rather they like you based on who you are, not on what gay category you fall into? whatever style you pick is your style, and i personally prefer people who are just themselves, and don't use their sexuality to define them. to me, the gay scene often seems quite superficial because of that.

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You don't have to invent any new "catagories." I think most people don't fit the stereotypes in their behavior or appearance--so you can't pick them out in a crowd. For some, that's good, others don't like it. As a feminine woman, you would never know that I'm gay, which I like. I agree...don't write off possible friendships because of differences. But, at the same time, I understand the desire to be around others who understand where you're coming from.

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For me anyways, some of the things I do are fairly physical and the friends I do them with have a faily high level of fitness to be able to do them. Whitewater kayaking, skiing etc. I do also have other friends one guy he's quite large but throws awesome house parties, some friends I go to the movies with for example and dont require a high level of fitness. As long as there are enough things that keep the friendships interesting and fresh is what is important. Living in a smaller city, we really dont have much choice but to find common ground within a more diverse community. It is either that or stay home alone.

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