guys always look but

[Cassie]

Hmm, that beach example is a toughie because he was with a girl. He might've been getting an eyeful but was still attached, so nothing happened.

 

If this is actually happening a lot, I can guarantee it's the signals you're sending. ("Uhhh, are you looking at ME? Oh noes, what do I do? Don't approach!!")

 

Next time a guy looks in your eyes and you find him attractive, don't worry whether or not he's actually checking you out. Just think to yourself, "You know you want to approach me". Make your body language playful and inviting, and don't be afraid to throw out subtle alluring vibes. If he's genuinely interested, he'll pick up on it and make a move.

[Samedy]

You can tell if they find you attractive, because men tend to stare at a woman they find attractive, it's not just a look. If you catch them looking at you, they don't look away, they hold your gaze...

 

In my experience of men anyway...

 

and/or constant looking. A guy who will look, look away, then look again. A guy finds a girl attractive, they will keep looking.

[May_It_Be]

and/or constant looking. A guy who will look, look away, then look again. A guy finds a girl attractive, they will keep looking.

 

I agree. Just because they look away doesn't mean that they're not interested, weak, or shutting you out, it means they may be shy and feel they've been caught looking, so they break contact, only to reinitiate it again when they think you're not looking. Kinda juvenile behavior yes, but I think we've all done that, before. Even me ... and I'm sure that must SHOCK y'all.

 

Also, they might be taken, and so feel guilty that they've been caught admiring a beautiful woman who is NOT their partner. I've had that happen to my multiple times. One time, the very attractive guy ended up in line behind me at the grocery store. He had been practically following me around the store for the past fifteen minutes before that, so I was expecting him to talk to me. It was funny, actually, and he got all nervous. He picked up his cell phone and started talking to someone, and I overheard his references to the woman at home. I think I turned and smiled coyly at him, and he got all flustered.

 

Yeah, I'm bad. Sometimes, though, it's fun being a woman!

[ghost69]

I agree. Just because they look away doesn't mean that they're not interested, weak, or shutting you out, it means they may be shy and feel they've been caught looking, so they break contact, only to reinitiate it again when they think you're not looking. Kinda juvenile behavior yes, but I think we've all done that, before. Even me ... and I'm sure that must SHOCK y'all.

 

isn't that weak?

[May_It_Be]

isn't that weak?

 

I wouldn't say weak, I'd say, well, HUMAN, though I s'pose human frailty could be characterized as weakness! Eh. Who knows!

[Gratsy]

isn't that weak?

 

So which one do you think it is? Why would someone check someone out if they weren't attracted to them?

[Batya33]

Maybe you remind them of an ex they are missing.

[Samedy]

Your two screen names are almost an anagram of each other.. Sorry for the digression.. but it's true.

[ghost69]

So which one do you think it is? Why would someone check someone out if they weren't attracted to them?

 

could be any number of reasons. i stated some already. batya gave you another one. who knows? only that guy looking at you does.

[Gratsy]

UPDATE***

 

So, I did what you guys told me and I smiled today. A guy said, "hey whats up?" and I said "hey," and kept walking. I was too nervous. However, its progress. Whats the next step for next time?

[ghost69]

UPDATE***

 

So, I did what you guys told me and I smiled today. A guy said, "hey whats up?" and I said "hey," and kept walking. I was too nervous. However, its progress. Whats the next step for next time?

 

don't walk away. say hey and give him a more warm, inviting look so he will want to talk more.

[May_It_Be]

UPDATE***

 

So, I did what you guys told me and I smiled today. A guy said, "hey whats up?" and I said "hey," and kept walking. I was too nervous. However, its progress. Whats the next step for next time?

 

Bravo, good for you! See! We were right!

 

And don't sweat it. Just think baby steps. Next time, work up the courage to actually stop and continue the conversation! It'll get easier and easier the more you do it, believe me!

[ghost69]

gratsy turns back 'cool shirt.'

[Cassie]

Aww. His little heart probably shattered when you kept walking, lol. But it'll feel easier next time. As Ghost suggested, try saying something that will encourage conversation.

 

Nice job, Gratsy. =D>

[May_It_Be]

Aww. His little heart probably shattered when you kept walking, lol. But it'll feel easier next time. As Ghost suggested, try saying something that will encourage conversation.

 

Nice job, Gratsy. =D>

 

LOL, yes, poor man. He'll probably be terrified to say hello to any other attractive girl passing him in the street. You've now given him a complex!!!!

[lila...]

LOL, yes, poor man. He'll probably be terrified to say hello to any other attractive girl passing him in the street. You've now given him a complex!!!!

 

Lol, hopefully they won't take it to heart.

 

Gratsy I have the same problem and I posted about it before. It's good to know you actually did something about it (smiled) and had a postive outcome! Now I won't be that reluctant to try...although it is very difficult. Today I saw the most gorgeous guy ever...I quickly looked away but when we were close he gave me the deepest gaze, it just melted me so I looked away quick. It's not till later that I react and regret not having smiled...arghhhghgh it's always the same.

[Batya33]

So your regret is based on his looks?

[lila...]

So your regret is based on his looks?

 

What do you mean? If I regret it only because he was good-looking? No, it's just that I think I've missed a lot of opportunities where I think the guy is at least attracted and I could have smiled to see if something would have resulted...I mean if I don't try anything then nothing is going to happen, right? I'm just really shy and scared.

[Batya33]

I was reacting to what you wrote about this guy:

 

Today I saw the most gorgeous guy ever...I quickly looked away but when we were close he gave me the deepest gaze, it just melted me so I looked away quick. It's not till later that I react and regret not having smiled...arghhhghgh ,

 

Seems to me that your regret was because you thought he had a gorgeous appearance. That's fine of course but it was interesting that your focus - at least from the words you chose -- was on his looks and that your regret was because you believe you missed an opportunity with a gorgeous guy.

[lila...]

I was reacting to what you wrote about this guy:

 

Today I saw the most gorgeous guy ever...I quickly looked away but when we were close he gave me the deepest gaze, it just melted me so I looked away quick. It's not till later that I react and regret not having smiled...arghhhghgh ,

 

Seems to me that your regret was because you thought he had a gorgeous appearance. That's fine of course but it was interesting that your focus - at least from the words you chose -- was on his looks and that your regret was because you believe you missed an opportunity with a gorgeous guy.

 

Haha, well, it may sound shallow but looks are very important to me, it's the first thing I notice and what grabs my attention. I know it isn't exactly what I should be looking for, but it's something that's gotta be there.

[Batya33]

Haha, well, it may sound shallow but looks are very important to me, it's the first thing I notice and what grabs my attention. I know it isn't exactly what I should be looking for, but it's something that's gotta be there.

 

That's interesting since you were complaining that men are intimidated by your looks - so, you don't want to be judged by your looks -- you want men to give you a chance despite being intimidated by your beauty -- but a man's looks are a top priority to you. Perhaps they get the vibe from you that your focus is on looks and that is a turn off to them.

 

Having looks be the first thing you notice (which is normal, although you could notice a warm vibe, an intelligent air, a warm smile) is one thing, a focus on looks is another thing. I am only mentioning this because of your trouble meeting people - perhaps your focus on looks (as opposed to attraction, which is differetn) is keeping you from meeting someone who might not look "gorgeous" but who is reasonably attractive or presentable and gorgeous inside.

[May_It_Be]

What do you mean? If I regret it only because he was good-looking? No, it's just that I think I've missed a lot of opportunities where I think the guy is at least attracted and I could have smiled to see if something would have resulted...I mean if I don't try anything then nothing is going to happen, right? I'm just really shy and scared.

 

Gotta get over that shy, scared thing. It'll cripple you in the dating game!

 

And what the heck is wrong with gorgeous guys??? Not getting what the argument is about, here. Oy. Physicality is always a factor in choosing a mate. For better or worse (mostly better, especially when you find a gorgeous partner -- LOL!).

 

Hey, just being honest, here.

[Mustang]

I think for some people, shyness can come off as snobbyness. Especially if the shy person is attractive because it's not expected for such a person to be shy.

 

I couldn't agree more.

 

I tend to have a bit of a Liam Gallagher-ness to the way I walk around and people have commented that I give off a "I'm better than you" vibe. Which is not the case at all.

 

It's annoying being a guy at times because we're expected to do the chasing. If we don't, then girls assume we're not interested. There's girls that I like that I don't go after because I might be reading the signals wrong. So I don't bother. To the girl in question, it might look rude, but in reality I'm just scared * * * * less!

[Batya33]

Gotta get over that shy, scared thing. It'll cripple you in the dating game!

 

And what the heck is wrong with gorgeous guys??? Not getting what the argument is about, here. Oy. Physicality is always a factor in choosing a mate. For better or worse (mostly better, especially when you find a gorgeous partner -- LOL!).

 

Hey, just being honest, here.

 

It's the degree of focus on the gorgeous aspect, as Bubalu acknowledged. of course looks matter to a certain extent, as does physical attraction (which is essential) but from what she wrote and explained, her focus was on his looks and her regret was based on passing up a guy who looked gorgeous - knowing nothing else about him.

 

Saying that "physicality matters" is irrelevant to my point, although I agree with you, of course it does. and, at least for me, it wouldn't be better to have a man who could be a male model or who most women found "gorgeous" or "hot" according to media or conventional standards- that would make me uncomfortable and would not increase the physical attraction for me. However, I would never compromise on a beautiful character or beautiful person on the inside - that is the "better" part not what his features or body are like. Nothing wrong with gorgeous guys either - that was not my point at all. Sorry if my post wasn't clear.

[lila...]

That's interesting since you were complaining that men are intimidated by your looks - so, you don't want to be judged by your looks -- you want men to give you a chance despite being intimidated by your beauty -- but a man's looks are a top priority to you. Perhaps they get the vibe from you that your focus is on looks and that is a turn off to them.

 

Having looks be the first thing you notice (which is normal, although you could notice a warm vibe, an intelligent air, a warm smile) is one thing, a focus on looks is another thing. I am only mentioning this because of your trouble meeting people - perhaps your focus on looks (as opposed to attraction, which is differetn) is keeping you from meeting someone who might not look "gorgeous" but who is reasonably attractive or presentable and gorgeous inside.

 

I never said men were intimidated by me, I said I don't know. I think I know the reason though. There are a lot of girls who are waay more beautiful than I am and I'm sure they get approached and asked out often because they're more outgoing and they look approachable. I, on the other hand, don't really have that welcoming vibe, I don't smile unless I see somebody I know, so I think basically the reason I don't get approached often is because I don't look approachable, which I'm trying to change.