Marriage and professional sacrifice

[theWalla]

Is it possible to maintain a marriage between two career oriented people? Say those careers may require the two to work in separate states or nations for the long term. Can a marriage be preserved without one sacrificing their career?

 

If the marriage cannot be preserved without that sacrifice, then who must sacrifice? How can one ask that of the other?

 

Is entering a marriage where this scenario could occur foolish? Can these issues be resolved absolutely before two people marry?

 

I know marriage is about sacrifice and compromise. But if you feel your career is your life's purpose on this earth, can you ever sacrifice that? Can you ever marry but refuse that sacrifice?

 

Thanks for any opinions on the issue

[redhearts]

I think it could be possible, its kind of like being a military spouse. You don't see your spouse so much they disappear months at a time. But in some ways aside from that you do marry to be with each other and wake up next to each other.

[karvala]

Yes, it's possible to have a marriage and two successful careers, but not easy. Even less easy to do with children in the picture, but still possible. Determination, luck, and above all an acceptance on both sides that things must be that way I suspect are the key ingredients. As long as both parties accept that the other has an equally important career, and it's possible to keep both careers going without needing to work all hours of the day, then I don't see why it shouldn't work.

[i_win]

My boss has this type of a relationship with his wife. Works just fine. But I think there is an underlying understanding between the two that their careers come FIRST before eachother. Very difficult to find two people that are willing to maintain this view of the relationship, but for some people it works. As someone said in regards to someone involved with a person in the military. That person must be 100% okay and continuously okay that their partner puts his job before them when duty calls.

[redhearts]

As for sacrifice, I'm kind of in that boat. I'm putting my dream career on hold and doing one I'm fine with for now.

[theWalla]

My boss has this type of a relationship with his wife. Works just fine. But I think there is an underlying understanding between the two that their careers come FIRST before eachother.

 

If you put your career before the other person, doesn't that contradict the spirit of marriage? I always thought marriage was all about putting your spouse above all other things. Or is marriage really how two people define it for themselves?

[theWalla]

As for sacrifice, I'm kind of in that boat. I'm putting my dream career on hold and doing one I'm fine with for now.

 

Do you plan to pursue that career again or is there the possibility you never will? Did you discuss that with your spouse?

[redhearts]

Do you plan to pursue that career again or is there the possibility you never will? Did you discuss that with your spouse?

 

When I'm 30.=] It'll just be a lot easier to go to school for it and pursue the career I want.

[i_win]

If you put your career before the other person, doesn't that contradict the spirit of marriage? I always thought marriage was all about putting your spouse above all other things. Or is marriage really how two people define it for themselves?

 

I think the spirit of marriage is two people that have a love and understanding that is unconditional. A team/unit. For my boss it is how two people defined it for themselves. I think it works for them because they aren't defined by how their marriage should work. They as a couple came together and agreed on the rules that they can live up to and follow. The rules, essentially allow themselves to be more true to how they act and work as people. Not trying to conform to rules of how a marriage should work (spouse above all or not).

 

I think it is somewhat similar to having two parents discuss and agree on how they are going to raise their children. It is better for them and the children if they make the rules between the two of them on what they believe and carry out parenting as best as possible. Instead of having to constantly analyze and readjust your actions compared to how society or others might feel you sould be raising your children.

[rocio]

If the marriage cannot be preserved without that sacrifice, then who must sacrifice? How can one ask that of the other?

 

It's up to the two of you to negotiate a solution that you're both comfortable with.

 

Is entering a marriage where this scenario could occur foolish?

 

What ever happened to can't-live-without-you love?

 

Can these issues be resolved absolutely before two people marry?

 

Not absolutely. People grow.

 

But if you feel your career is your life's purpose on this earth, can you ever sacrifice that? Can you ever marry but refuse that sacrifice?

 

I'm a firm believer in the idea that things happen for a reason. What comes first is love for my family. Whatever is meant to happen, will.

 

I don't know where my life will take me but I'm confident that I have something to offer society matter where I go, and I'll have no trouble advancing my career in nearly any country, province or state.

 

Also, if we have to spend a bit of time apart, I'm ok with that. My life won't stop.

[SimplySasha]

What ever happened to can't-live-without-you love?

 

Isn't that co-dependancy?

 

Being physically separated can be hard on people, but its all about their personalities. Some types of people put their careers ahead of their SO's but that does not mean they don't love them as much as people who do it the other way around. If you are a couple that both focused on your careers you would understand each other and I don't see how it would be a problem.