How do you talk your s/o into doing couples therapy?

[scared and alone]

I think many couples could benefit from couples therapy. Just so that way they can get a better understanding of each other with a neutral third party giving them their point of view to help the couple see how the other thinks without fighting. But if one thinks its stupid, but it really is necessary, how do you convince them to at least try it ?

[redhearts]

Say you want to strenghten your relationship and dont call it couples therapy.

[Whiskers]

I think many couples could benefit from couples therapy. Just so that way they can get a better understanding of each other with a neutral third party giving them their point of view to help the couple see how the other thinks without fighting. But if one thinks its stupid, but it really is necessary, how do you convince them to at least try it ?

 

Tell him that at least trying it is important for you, that all you're asking is for a few sessions and then if it's clear it's not helping, you'll find something else.

 

If he loves you enough, he'll want to do something to help you relationship and something that means a lot to you.

 

XXXX

[nutbrownhare]

If they don't want to do it, there's no talking them into it. If your S/O has issues around control, they will most likely really NOT want to do it.

[rocio]

I've heard that you can start going and they will most likely tag along because they will hate the idea of you going and talking about them behind their back.

[nutbrownhare]

I've heard that you can start going and they will most likely tag along because they will hate the idea of you going and talking about them behind their back.

 

This is true - and then they really sabotage any efforts you're making at honest communication, in the guise of supporting you.

[Aurian]

Why does your SO not want to go? What is the underlying issue?

 

Different SOs will have different reasons for not going. Some are afraid, others think it is unnecessary, others want to handle things on their own as a couple. What is his reason? Can you understand it and try ease his fears?

 

The best thing to do is to say you would like to give it a try, and ask him if he would come for a couple of sessions and give it a shot. I would think that most loving, caring people would at least try.

 

Ultimantums should only be used when the relationship is going to break apart without some outside third party helping. Resort to this only when you will have to end it anyway if nothing changes.

 

If there is no major issue and you just want to discuss things and suss out any potential troubles, there are books out there that a couple can work through together on their own. I think one is called "Emotional Intimacy" or something like that.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Sometimes they have to be convinced of how serious you are that you think the two of you either need to work on the relationship with a counselor, or else you might be unhappy enough to leave.

 

Lots of times you read posts by people who've been left who say, 'if only i'd know how seriously unhappy my partner was and that they'd leave, i would have gone to counseling with them.'

 

Sometimes they call your bluff and refuse to go, and sometimes they are bluffing and are just trying to avoid going until you show them you are serious about making changes one way or another.

 

But I agree that if they won't go, go for yourself, and go as long as you need to either feel comfortable staying in the relationship (and learn how to deal with the partner), or recognize that it is better that you leave.

[scared and alone]

Oh we both know we need help. We fight WAY too much over stupid stuff and always read each other wrong or he will get mad over any little thing. We need SOMETHING or SOMEONE to help us get along better. We need someone to help us understand each other and convince each other both our sides.

[loulee]

have you considered going on your own first and learn different communication techniques that you can bring into your relationship conflicts with your partner better. The more he sees you handling the tiffs in a mature calm way it will make him more aware of his short comings..Also by doing this you can bring home ideas and tell him about it and IMPLEMENT them and remind him when you argue badly about the better and healthy way to do it..Its worth a try if your at wits end this could make a difference...not many people argue healthily as they simply DO NOT have the skills..but there are definite positive ways to learn to do this and trust me they make a HUGE difference..sometimes to the point of what you may discover over time that your thoughts or feelings may change for your partner for better or worse...good luck

[gracerules2008]

I think couples therapy is good for everybody no matter how good or bad things are going in the relationship.

 

I believe there's always room for improvement in everyone's relationship. I've recently suggested to my girlfriend that we get couples counseling down the road even if our relationship gets better and better before then.

[notsoanonymous]

I am currently 'separated' from my boyfriend of two years (whom I own a home with) and we are in counseling. Counseling is NOT easy, but extremely beneficial. I also went the route of LC (due to house / dog issues, NC wasn't an option) for a while after he moved out, until finally I said one day "Will you go to counseling with me tomorrow at 2 pm?"

 

He went. Things are getting better now and I easily see us back together in the long term, but we have a lot of learning to do and much to work through in the meantime. It took a couple things to get him to go:

 

1) I gave him a LOT of space after the initial break up - move out. Like I said it was very LC for the first three weeks, just this bill is due, that bill is due, etc.

 

2) I made it very clear that it was counseling or nothing. For me, this was absolutely imperitive. It was not an ultimatum in the sense of me trying to manipulate the situation - our relationship was completely broken and there was no way to repair it without that help.

 

3) I asked about the counseling over and over again, in a non-confrontational manner but just put it out there. After getting brushed off three times in one month, I finally said this is genuinely the last time I will ask, gave him the appt time and said "will you go?". He agreed. Now, it's all up to him. He knows her name, number, etc. It was his job to make that contact once we bgan going. He initiates all the appointments, etc.

 

I wish the best for you, but ultimately I also would advise seeking some counseling on your own. I did that as well, and having the two things - the work on ME AND the work on US - has been the best solution to the situation.

 

And really in the long run if he doesn't go, you are worth more than that.