resentment or justification?

[olive]

about 6 or 7 months ago i went on a trip to jamaica with my sister and her husband...aside from their age difference (he's 46 and she's 21)...i don't agree with their relationship...they have what they call an "open relationship"...to me, it's just an excuse to cheat and have sex with who you want when you want and COMPLETELY defies the point of marraige...but i guess that's neither here nor there...

 

anyway, after the trip, she was mad at me...she wouldn't directly say it, but it was there: she was mad at me because i didn't have sex with her husband...a day later we got into a huge fight...she sent me terrible text messages and voicemails...but i tried to just stay away from it...finally when she told me how i was just a loser and was going to end up with 6 kids in a trailer park and just be a stupid * * * * * and threatened my life....i had had enough...there was a big brew-ha and i haven't spoken to her since...i'm waiting for an apology (that i know will never come...she sees no wrong in her actions or words)

 

...am i holding too much resentment or am i justified?

[riley123]

I think it's unreasonable of her to be mad at you for choosing not to sleep with her husband.

 

It's one thing to expose others to your beliefs -- it's another to force those beliefs onto others.

[Love_Music]

WOWWWWWWWW....... let me get this straight. your sister is mad at you because you wouldn't have sex with HER HUSBAND?!?!?! are you kidding me? Uhm.....well gosh.... I don't think you're holding too much resentment. That's weird to me. I've never had that kind of thing happen to me, but i'm preeety sure I wouldn't talk to my sister for a while either.

 

I wouldn't wait on an apology though. You said yourself that your sister sees nothing wrong in her actions, so yea. As hard as it may be, just try not to worry too much about it. Your sister might come to her senses sooner or later.

[Steve 7745]

If anything, it strikes me as a weird sign that she is the one who is resentful. That she wants you to be jealous of her by flaunting what she has and trying to lure you with it.

 

....Tsk. There was one woman I saw on a dating site. She admitted she was "A wee bit crazy" and said that she wouldn't mind if any other women tried to sleep with her husband. She had two conditions: No man tried to sleep with her, and no woman try to steal her husband.

 

The more I analyzed the profile, the more I came to the conclusion that this woman was effectively brainwashed into these circumstances. That someone had taken her self esteem and twisted it into some accepting parody, a puppet of his desires. I remember reading stories as to how pimps do this with their women- the younger the woman, the more easily she is "trained" into this arrangement. A combination of beating them physically for bad behavior and "rewarding" good behavior with sex, or letting them have sex.

 

I've seen first hand the effects this has on a girl who is young enough. Some men deserve death for what they do.

 

If I were you, I would start looking at the dynamic between her husband and her, and picking up any signs of psychological abuse. One is not normally rendered to a state of "acceptance" like this without being subverted into it. It maybe a situation you will have to present to the police someday.

 

I want to say more, but I don't know the details.

[Xetra Dax]

What the hell? Your sister has an extremely different perception on the concept of marriage.

 

Because I honestly have NEVER heard of a woman getting angry on her sister for NOT cheating on her with her Husband. It sounds like the upside down world. (not trying to offend Australia here ,lol)

 

I think it is without respect to shovle her perception of an open marriage into your mouth. It is on her behalf without concent and without asking. Everyone has to agree on the open relationship, and it baffles me why she is married, because marriage in all traditional cases confirms to an 'exclusive' relationship with one partner, that is in christanity. Was she raised religiously? Who,how or why do you think she has such a different perception on marriage?

[olive]

well...we all had a pretty effed up child hood...and we never had a decent relationship with our father (who was abusive)...but she ALWAYS wanted to be "daddy's little girl"...i think that's why she basically married this guy (besides for the money....)....by the way...she's a stripper too (and totally doesn't need to be...)