Am I right to have this fear or am I just being stupid?

[pumpkinmoon]

Not sure if this is the right place but I thought I would post it in this section because this is where I am at the moment.

 

 

Ok so I'm 26, 27 in October and I have these fears.

 

I am worried that because of my age, all the "decent" men will be taken and will either be engaged or married off with kids.

 

I'm worried about never meeting someone who I actually like again because when I go out and look around there isn't anyone I'm remotely attracted to.

 

Are all the good ones taken at my age? Am I too old to expect to find someone who hasn't/isn't married with kids?

 

I realise that these fears may sound stupid to some of you but I think about it a lot and it gets be down.

 

Also, It seems that a lot of people my age have children from failed relationships, even if they aren't married and I don't think I could be with someone who already has a child/children with someone else.

 

Does anyone else feel like this?

 

Any advice would be appreciated as always.

[iggy320]

theshoefairy, there are plenty of women in your position at your age.

 

I've heard women much younger than you worry about becoming "old maids" but you may just need some time to find that someone. Maybe you need to learn about your fear and be able to deal with it before you are ready to be in a relationship.

 

Maybe you don't get to meet a lot of new people, but one way to get past that is to find some way of meeting lots of people. What are you doing with your life at this point, are you in school, are you working? University is probably the best place to meet someone. Just be open to hanging out with other women your age and hang out in groups, that's such a great way to meet other men that the women may know. Don't forget though.. love usually never comes if you're looking for it, so go in with no expectations.

[pumpkinmoon]

Thanks for that.

 

Well I work and am going to a new uni next month and I also go out every weekend I'm not dying to meet someone yet, I don't mind being alone for the time being but I mean for in the future

[Convoluted]

Well I'm a decent guy! single, not married, no kids. There's always someone out there that is suited for you that is single. The question is, how do you find them? You're still young though. They definitely aren't all taken yet.

[Clabs]

Hi honey

 

I think that all your fears hear and worries are perfectly natural. It is a bit scary to wonder if anyone decent will come along in the future. But goodness, girl - I have a good few years on you - you really are still very young - does that give me the right to be that much more worried?

 

I think you should keep calm - stop worrying. Of course there is someone out there for you. In my experience, someone comes into our lives when we least expect it - when we stop worrying.

 

There is nowt wrong with you darling - just give this a bit more time - this isn't a race - ok?

 

Mark

[Snoopy24]

I'm 26, and that is the least of my worries. Sure, a lot of people get married between 20-25. but to tell you the truth most of those marriages don't work anyway.

 

Of course as you get older, you will have a lot less men to choose from, but I don't think that should really be a problem until you are 40+, and even then there are still a lot of decent single men.

[Mayday11]

Most people in that age range that I know of are not only not married, but still not ready to. People are settling down later and later these days, so the 26-27 age range is still quite full of eligible single people.

 

However, I've heard a few female friends lament about the same feelings as you're describing, while it's almost unheard of from male friends. I figure it's because men tend to date girls a couple years younger than them and women are usually attracted to men a couple years older. So, for guys at that age, they still have the crowd of women who just got out of college ready for the picking. Just my thoughts.

[pumpkinmoon]

Well I'm a decent guy! single, not married, no kids. There's always someone out there that is suited for you that is single. The question is, how do you find them? You're still young though. They definitely aren't all taken yet.

 

Thank you Very good to hear!!!

 

Hi honey

 

I think that all your fears hear and worries are perfectly natural. It is a bit scary to wonder if anyone decent will come along in the future. But goodness, girl - I have a good few years on you - you really are still very young - does that give me the right to be that much more worried?

 

I think you should keep calm - stop worrying. Of course there is someone out there for you. In my experience, someone comes into our lives when we least expect it - when we stop worrying.

 

There is nowt wrong with you darling - just give this a bit more time - this isn't a race - ok?

 

Mark

 

 

Thanks Mark,

 

It's not that I'm in a hurry, I really need to get my career sorted first before I even think about marriage or kids but my concern s there won't be many left lol.

 

I think though it is easier for a man as the age bracket they can date is so much wider.

 

I'm 26, and that is the least of my worries. Sure, a lot of people get married between 20-25. but to tell you the truth most of those marriages don't work anyway.

 

Of course as you get older, you will have a lot less men to choose from, but I don't think that should really be a problem until you are 40+, and even then there are still a lot of decent single men.

 

 

Thanks Snoopy,

 

I realise that I am probably worrying unecessarily.

 

I'm not desperate for kids right now, don't even think I could cope with them really but I'd like to think that when the time is right and I meet "him" whoever he is, he will be in the same position as me with no kids of his own lol.

[pumpkinmoon]

I figure it's because men tend to date girls a couple years younger than them and women are usually attracted to men a couple years older. So, for guys at that age, they still have the crowd of women who just got out of college ready for the picking. Just my thoughts.

 

Exactly my thoughts. I think it is so much easier for men. GRRRRR! If only I were a man!

[Mayday11]

Exactly my thoughts. I think it is so much easier for men. GRRRRR! If only I were a man!

 

Haha! Well, the pros and cons of relationships that men and women have both tend to balance out. For example, my age bracket is bigger, but as a man I'm expected to be the one who makes the first move. That can be quite nerve racking sometimes.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I'm 26, and that is the least of my worries. Sure, a lot of people get married between 20-25. but to tell you the truth most of those marriages don't work anyway.

 

Of course as you get older, you will have a lot less men to choose from, but I don't think that should really be a problem until you are 40+, and even then there are still a lot of decent single men.

 

They are all the ones who are divorced with children.

[redhearts]

I remember when it used to be 25-27 to find the right person, 27-28 to get married, 29-31 to have kids before they get any older, hahaha. These days anything goes, mostly teens getting knocked up. (Saying from example a celeb and a governors daughter) So if anything you should relax and just be thankful your not pregnant, because it makes it harder being single and pregnant to meet someone.

[pumpkinmoon]

lol this thread is starting to make me laugh!

 

Mayday,

 

I am not too bad with making the first move, esp when I've had a drink

 

 

CAD,

 

I KNOWWWW!!!!! Exactly what I DO NOT want!!!!

 

 

And yes Red, thank goodness I'm not preggers!!!

 

I suppose that there are some men out there wanting the same things as me right? Like they want a decent woman to settle down with and they haven't found her yet so they're waiting just like me? Or is that just wishful thinking? lol

[Mayday11]

Mayday,

 

I am not too bad with making the first move, esp when I've had a drink

 

LOL, neither do I (most of the time) and I agree, it's much easier with a healthy dose of liquid courage.

 

I just always thought it would be pretty sweet to just stand around and look handsome and have all the ladies approach me. But alas, I am cursed with this masculinity...

[pumpkinmoon]

LOL, neither do I (most of the time) and I agree, it's much easier with a healthy dose of liquid courage.

 

I just always thought it would be pretty sweet to just stand around and look handsome and have all the ladies approach me. But alas, I am cursed with this masculinity...

 

Do you not think a woman looks desperate if she approaches a man though? Men like to do all the chasing don't they?

[route1]

no shoe. it depends on the man but the main thing is if its right no1 should be chasing anyone it should just all fit. if i like a girl it would men so much to me for them to ask me out. but that fear you have im 25 male and feel like that too

[pumpkinmoon]

Thanks route,

 

I am sure you have nothing to worry about though, 25 is young!!!

 

You are right though, it should just fit, I am sure it will when the time is right. Just hace to find someone I am interested in now, it's not looking good and it doesn't help being picky either but I can't help it lol

[route1]

its not really about being picky. in the months i have been single i have been asked out with girls and hooked up with some others but i never fancied them nor did i click with them. if you dont mind me asking what age r you? the more people you go out with that dont work seems to make you rhink of your ex lol that sucks. its the mind playing tricks

[Mayday11]

Do you not think a woman looks desperate if she approaches a man though?

Not at all. At least, not in my opinion.

Men like to do all the chasing don't they?

Well, it does have it's pluses. First and foremost being that you'll only be talking to people that you're attracted to. As much as the idea of having all the girls doing the approaching seems cool, I keep forgetting that this just means I'd be approached by a lot of unattractive girls, too.

[pumpkinmoon]

its not really about being picky. in the months i have been single i have been asked out with girls and hooked up with some others but i never fancied them nor did i click with them. if you dont mind me asking what age r you? the more people you go out with that dont work seems to make you rhink of your ex lol that sucks. its the mind playing tricks

 

I'm 26, almost 27. And that is the trouble, I can't seem to find anyone attractive lol

[pumpkinmoon]

Not at all. At least, not in my opinion.

 

Well, it does have it's pluses. First and foremost being that you'll only be talking to people that you're attracted to. As much as the idea of having all the girls doing the approaching seems cool, I keep forgetting that this just means I'd be approached by a lot of unattractive girls, too.

 

Oh I know what you mean. I keep being approached by men who wouldn't stand a chance in hell and it's depressing!

[Panda2008]

Maybe you should spend less time worrying and just try and think 'what will be will be'.

 

I do understand your state of mind though - if it's any consolation I was single throughout my twenties and met my first serious boyfriend when aged 29 and a half!

 

Now I'm nearly 35 and considering a future without children but if I'm not meant to have them then I'm sure there's another plan which will be just as great... what will be will be...

[route1]

maybe but someday you will find someone who you would not normally find attractive but there personality makes you attracted to them. the one for you may be the last person you think it will be.

[pumpkinmoon]

Maybe you should spend less time worrying and just try and think 'what will be will be'.

 

I do understand your state of mind though - if it's any consolation I was single throughout my twenties and met my first serious boyfriend when aged 29 and a half!

 

Now I'm nearly 35 and considering a future without children but if I'm not meant to have them then I'm sure there's another plan which will be just as great... what will be will be...

 

 

Thanks Panda,

 

If you don't mind me asking... are you not with him anymore? It is crappy but you are right, what will be will be and I am sure everything will turn out fine in the end

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Remember that you only need ONE! So if there used to be 20,000 single men in your town and now there are only 10,000 single men, that is 9,999 you don't need and only one you do!

 

I think everyone goes thru these 'numbers' games in their head, but honestly, everyone i know who really wants to get married at any age does eventually find someone if they make it a goal.

 

the biggest mistake people make isn't about not being able to find someone, it is about wasting too much time with someone who is wrong for them. Become much more businesslike and focused about dating.

 

Try to meet as many people as you can, and go on dates where you spend some time getting to know them, but if you see any big red flags, don't wait 2 or 3 years before finally getting rid of them (or they you).

 

Keep an open mind and date all kinds of people for 3 or 4 dates, and maybe someone you'd initially reject as 'not perfect' might actually attract you. Remember than when you date only on the initial 'hot guy' factor, you are making your first cut by something that isn't as important as other things, like is he a good guy with lots in common with you.