melpa Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Hi, I have been dating a guy on and off for the past 3 years. We seem to hit a wall whenever we start to get close. Deep down I do honestly believe that he cares for me. We have been through alot together. His last relationship which ended about 4 and a half years ago ended badly and I dont think he has ever got over the pain he experienced during the break up. He has also mentioned that he doesnt want to end up like his mum and dad who got divorded after his dad had an affair. He has told me in the past that he doesnt want to get into a relationship with anyone as they always go wrong. He said he misses some aspects of having a girlfriend but is still not willing to risk getting hurt again. He has also said that if he did want a relationship, he would want it to be with me. He has also said that he doesnt want to be like this forever and doesnt want to go from girl to girl. He said he thinks we are both similar people and have problems with relationships because we grew up without our dads. We have a nice time going on dates and spending time together. We have slept together many times. Whenever we seem to be getting closer, and it looks as though we may be getting somewhere he seems to distance, I am used to this now as it has happened so many times now. I try very hard to stay calm and keep my cool when he gets distant, but it usually results in me getting anxious and confronting him. I am quite insecure myself which is perhaps why I find it difficult to trust that he really cares for me. (I had a difficult childhood and one of my mums partners used to try it on with me) Although I do believe he cares deep down, the feeling i get is that he is frightened to show this in an obvious way. I think that he wants to stay in control of the situation and avoid putting himself in a vulnerable position where he may get hurt. Although, I genuinely do believe this, I still have my insecure moments where I think, well maybe he isnt into me and maybe he just sees me as a back up plan so wants to keep me close and this is when i get upset, as i dont want to waste my time. He also seems to struggle with his feelings for me and shuts down during arguments and gives me the silent treatment. It has been very difficult over the time ive known him, i think he is a wonderful person and i feel that i understand why he is the way he is. But it has been very hard for me, I long for a partner who can be affectionate and offer me a stable committed relationship. Unfortunately, this guy always seems to push me away. Many times that I have started to move on, go out more, date other guys....and every single time he wants me back and will start being very nice to me and telling me he misses me. I go back to him, only for the same thing to happen all over again. its very hard getting close to him and then losing him again so many times. I feel that I have reached a stage now where I know that I cannot go on like this. I am not that happy in my job at the moment and I am thinking of moving away for a while, maybe stay with a friend for 2-3 months to clear my head and get a break from this situation. Do you think that doing this will help? Maybe it will show me that there is more to life than him. or maybe it will make him realise how much he cares?? I guess that if he really cares he will ask me not to go/beg me to come back. (i said i was moving away once before and he changed my mind and told me i shouldnt run away) Perhaps this time he wont even ask me to stay and that way I will know that he doesnt really care enough about me for me to invest this much energy in him. xx Link to comment
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