Why do some think they know it all....

[Stars_n_Guitars]

when they actually know nothing at all?

 

I've seen it a lot on here. Threads asking for advice on who, what, when, where and why about relationships. I get it, this IS what the forum is designed for. But my question is to those who think they know all there is to know about relationships yet YOU ARE NOT IN ONE!

 

Here's the question: WHY DO YOU THINK YOU ARE QUALIFIED TO GIVE ADVICE TO SOMEONE IF YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAS FAILED?

 

I'm really ticked off right now and this is all I can think to write!

 

The only people I could trust to give relationship advice are those people that have been married for 30+ years!

[Dave11]

If someone has been blissfully married for years without any problems then they will have less insight as to how to overcome them. Whereas if someone's relationship has failed for whatever reason then they can help others to avoid similar situations occurring for them. Comes down to personal experience I guess.

[CallingAllAngels]

Well, I think everyone is just generally trying to offer their opinions based on what has happened to them. Don't think anyone is trying to steer you wrong.

[barbielovesmac]

Well, I think everyone is just generally trying to offer their opinions based on what has happened to them.

 

I agree with this.

 

You don't have to be married for 30+ years to know a thing or two about relationships.

 

We all speak off our own personal experiences.

[CallingAllAngels]

I agree with this.

 

Thanks Chica

[JadedStar]

SO, when you created your threads/posed your questions did you state that you only wanted responses from people who have been in a relationship successfully and who never broke up or ever had any problems?

 

If not, what are you complaining for?

 

if you had, I doubt you would have gotten any responses at all.

 

So again, whatcha complaining for?

[Mending 08]

What does being married 30 plus years have to do with being "right" about giving advice?

Even happily married couples have issues and struggles. And those who aren't in relationships probably had to learn the HARD way, what to do and what not to do.

 

Everyone will have opinions on your situation, but you can choose to listen to them or not. I find the advice from people who have screwed up in their relationships very invaluable because they ARE speaking from experience and a place of hurt.

[CallingAllAngels]

SO, when you created your threads/posed your questions did you state that you only wanted responses from people who have been in a relationship successfully and who never broke up or had problems?

 

If not, what are you complaining for?

 

if you had, I doubt you would have gotten any responses at all.

 

So again, whatcha complaining for?

 

As always, Ms Star is spot on....

[DropToZero]

Just because someone has been married for 30+ years doesn't mean they've seen it all... they may have had a happy marriage from day one with all the normal problems, but nothing like abuse, or neglect, or being led on, or bad communication, they may not have seen much of the bad side in order to know when they have it good...

 

But I do agree with you, people should only be giving advice on the things they know about...that's how I've always tried to be, why I've been here so long, but I only do my best to stick my nose into things I've experienced myself first-hand. Many of you don't know it, but if you haven't been through something first-hand, then you should not be giving advice on subjects... that's as if I've never flown my own plane and I asked some random person on the street to teach me how to fly even though they're a market analyst for some huge company. ...I'd probably be dead.

 

Try to calm down a little though grace... be open to everything too, but part of life...is to learn how to sift through the things you're told, be your own judge on what you think will be best... you don't always have to listen to others advice, it's always a lot easier from the outside looking in.

[CallingAllAngels]

There is a GREAT mix of people on this site who have been through a SERIES of devastating events. We can ALL learn from each other.

[Stars_n_Guitars]

If someone has been blissfully married for years without any problems then they will have less insight as to how to overcome them. Whereas if someone's relationship has failed for whatever reason then they can help others to avoid similar situations occurring for them. Comes down to personal experience I guess.

 

Well, I don't believe that someone could be BLISSFULLY married for 30+ years without having any problems! I'm sure they've had their share of fights, had temptations to cheat, had financial issues, parenting issues, housing issues, in-law issues. There's no doubt in my mind, that someone married that long has had many ups and downs. They would be more qualified in giving advice to someone wanting to stay in a long-term relationship.

[Stars_n_Guitars]

Well, I think everyone is just generally trying to offer their opinions based on what has happened to them. Don't think anyone is trying to steer you wrong.

 

well allie, no one has tried to steer me wrong personally. I just read threads and noticed the same ones that are giving advice to others on how to stay in a relationship are divorced/single/wanting to be single.

[HeartGoesOn]

That seems to be a question that you should be asking yourself.

 

I've seen in your posts that you have been giving plenty of advice.

 

Have you been married 30+ years?

[Karmageddon]

So are you saying that those people with the 30 plus relationships, didn't date ANYONE else before they found the loves of their lives???

 

That is what dating is.... It's learning from your life experiences so you can find the proper person to spend your life with. That is what we are all doing here. Not everyone has a big sister, mom or gramma to bounce things off of. You seem to be kinda narrow minded about this.

[Stars_n_Guitars]

I agree with this.

 

You don't have to be married for 30+ years to know a thing or two about relationships.

 

We all speak off our own personal experiences.

 

I know barbie, but if your personal experience is your relationship failed, dispite trying to do whatever you thought was best, how can you give advice to someone that's trying to keep the one they are in alive?

[JadedStar]

Maybe those people who are not in a relationship saw the light a bit too late and have something valuable to bring to the table.

 

I have seen you give a lot of advice, yet you are having relationship troubles. Is that fair ?

[CallingAllAngels]

well allie, no one has tried to steer me wrong personally. I just read threads and noticed the same ones that are giving advice to others on how to stay in a relationship are divorced/single/wanting to be single.

 

Well, with all due respect, next time you post a thread, why don't you ask that only people who have been together for 30+ years respond to it? Is that what you are looking for????

[Stars_n_Guitars]

SO, when you created your threads/posed your questions did you state that you only wanted responses from people who have been in a relationship successfully and who never broke up or ever had any problems?

 

If not, what are you complaining for?

 

if you had, I doubt you would have gotten any responses at all.

 

So again, whatcha complaining for?

 

I'm not complaining. Just wondering why someone thinks they have a right to do this. let me say again, no one has wronged me on this site.

 

Curiosity and frustration is all this thread is about.

[Seraphim]

There is a GREAT mix of people on this site who have been through a SERIES of devastating events. We can ALL learn from each other.

 

Amen!!Everyone has advice you have to decide if it fits you.

[barbielovesmac]

I know barbie, but if your personal experience is your relationship failed, dispite trying to do whatever you thought was best, how can you give advice to someone that's trying to keep the one they are in alive?

 

well, grace, at one point i was trying to "keep my relationship alive." sure, i failed. but it wasn't because of anything i was doing wrong. it was simply because my SO was already gone, our relationship was already gone and i was just holding on.

 

just because you try at something and you fail at doing so doesn't make you incapable of offering some sound advice.

 

i know that most of us here can dish out EXCELLENT advice but when it comes to our own stuff we can't take it.

[CallingAllAngels]

I'm not complaining. Just wondering why someone thinks they have a right to do this. let me say again, no one has wronged me on this site.

 

Curiosity and frustration is all this thread is about.

 

We have a right to do it because we are asked our opinions. And everyone, by our life experiences, has learned a little something that we hope to pass one to someone else so they don't make the same mistake.

 

We are only trying to help.

[Stars_n_Guitars]

The 30+ years thing is because I believe someone in a long relationship like that has had problems, come out of it, and are still together-committed to one another. Preserverence? maybe(if i even spelled it correctly).

 

I agree with what you said Droptozero!

 

I hear ya Mending but personally someone can tell me what to do but if I haven't learned the hard way, i'm not going to learn the lesson they've learned...not just by their telling me.

[Stars_n_Guitars]

That seems to be a question that you should be asking yourself.

 

I've seen in your posts that you have been giving plenty of advice.

 

Have you been married 30+ years?

 

I may have given advice on relationships but I try not to because I don't know how to save one, how to be in one that lasts a long time.

 

I try to only give advice on things that I've been through such as suicidal tendencies, self-injury, body, mind, spirt...

[Seraphim]

Just because someone has been married for 30+ years doesn't mean they've seen it all... they may have had a happy marriage from day one with all the normal problems, but nothing like abuse, or neglect, or being led on, or bad communication, they may not have seen much of the bad side in order to know when they have it good...

 

That is not true either. I have been with my husband for 20 years married for 15 and we have seen it all. It has not been all roses and sunshine let me tell you. But today we are stronger than ever.

[lostandhurt]

I will tell you what I have found to be true on this forum. If a reply to a post is a 3 to 5 word response, you know the quick "dump them and move" and nothing else kind of thing just read it and don't use it. But if someone takes the time to put some thought and you can feel the words as you read them, then take a moment and ponder what they have said, even if it isn't what you want to hear. In all truth, I was in a 20 yr relationship and I wish I would have learned some of the stuff I just learned years ago. As the famous quote goes we do not learn from our mistakes, then we are destined to repeat them" I don't think it matters how long it takes us to make the mistake or learn the lesson.

 

lost