Really need some advice

[duchesstigerlily]

Well, I need a bit of advice on a situation with my husband. We spent all of yesterday together and everything was fine until we started to discuss an upcoming Doctor's appointment that he was taking the day off to attend with me. That night he is also going to a concert to see a band that he has been looking forward to seeing (I'm not going). A friend of his knows the band personally and my husband wanted to go down early to watch sound check, talk to the band etc. etc. which is totally fine with me. The only appt I could get was for 3:30pm and my Doctor sometimes runs a bit late. I didnt realize when I made the appt that he would want to go down early...it was also the only available appt my Doctor had that week and its for an on-going health issue. I asked him why he wanted to go early and he snapped at at me which I wasnt overly thrilled about. I kept offering to try to change it and he kept brushing it off. Finally, I just told him that I would try to change it anyway and while I was on my way to use the phone in our bedroom he yells that he's sick of our relationship and that he doesnt see this as "long term" and that he's "done".

 

He does tend to say stuff like that every 4-6 months and usually when he isnt getting his own way or its about something stupid. Anyway, we ended up having a blow out where he told me to f-off and f-you about 4 times even though I wasnt speaking like that to him. I asked him why he bothers making all these future plans and talking about building a house etc. if he's just going to cr*p on it all and act like our relationship means nothing to him when we have a fight. I also told him it is unrealistic to never fight with your partner especially when you live together 24/7. He got even more ticked off and said that he is sick of my attitude that you cant be in a relationship and not fight sometimes then he goes on to say that "I know its possible, I've done it" (meaning the last serious relationship he was in that ended shortly after he moved to this province). I then said to him "Well, why arent you still with her then?" He says they split up because "long distance is hard" which is a lie because I know she dumped him after finding someone else.

 

Needless to say, that comment really, really hurt me probably more then the swearing and more then the empty threats. I was crying harder then I think I have ever cried before. He said that he doesnt really want our relationship to end but sometimes he just gets "frustrated". So basically, I have to put up with verbal and emotional abuse because he gets frustrated. Just a couple of days before this he got mad about something small and threw some candy he had in his hand in my direction and ended up breaking one of our window covering. This has happened on and off throughout our 5 years together.

 

I am to the point where I am emotionally worn down and his apologies just dont erase the pain anymore. If I am not open to forgiving him right away it just makes him mad again so I am not even allowed to be upset, angry etc. He ended up holding me while I cried and apologizing etc. etc. and then asking me repeatedly if I'm "ok". I just wanted to scream at him that I am NOT ok and I feel like such an idiot for actually even caring if he leaves or wants out of our marriage. He leaves for work earlier then me and he tried to call me at around 8:30am and I just ignored it....I couldnt be bothered to talk to him. He says and does mean things JUST to hurt me. The comment he made about his ex was not because their relationship was so wonderful but just because he knew it would hurt me a lot. He said he wasnt comparing our relationships and that he "hates" me for thinking that....well, how the h*ll am I supposed to feel about it?

 

I just need some advice on how I should handle this situation. A part of me wants to leave him because I'm sick of being treated like sh*t when I do SO much for him and never ask anything in return but I cant at the moment for work-related reasons. The other part of me still loves him very much and wants to stay. I'm so confused!

[Seraphim]

Why are you putting up with it??You may love him, but he is abusive and spoiled and if you marry him it will only get worse. It NEVER gets better. Leave him now and take care of your health issue and get over him and find a real man that can love and respect you. NO ONE needs this kind of relationship.

[Karmageddon]

When you get tired enough of it, you will make some decisions, but it doesn't quite sound like you are there. Some people have that "a-ha" moment after trying to work things out, be a more perfect partner blah blah blah... But you are only you & if he isn't willing to change this behavior, its up to you to decide how long you are willing to put up with it.

[duchesstigerlily]

We actually are already married...3 years this month but together for 2 prior. We just started counselling about a month and a half ago and he has been trying hard...buying books recommended by our therapist etc etc. It was his suggestion for us to go to counselling etc. etc. I just hate how we can go for long periods of time with no problems and lots of love etc. and then he has an "off day" and acts like an a$$ and it hurts so much. One reason why its hard to leave is because I'm waiting for full-time status at my job which will allow me to be independent. That should happen within the next 3-4 months but until then I feel like I am stuck. I just wish everything would change for the better....

[HeartGoesOn]

Why are you putting up with it??You may love him, but he is abusive and spoiled and if you marry him it will only get worse. It NEVER gets better. Leave him now and take care of your health issue and get over him and find a real man that can love and respect you. NO ONE needs this kind of relationship.

 

 

She did say in her post that he is her husband.

[Seraphim]

Sorry missed that part, but still does not make it any better what he does.