Trip McNealy Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Hey all, new to the site...been reading here for the past couple of months and that alone has helped me clear my headand think straight, so thank you. Anyway...I've known this girl for a few years, developed into pretty good friends- never really anything more than that besides harmless flirting...then around last Christmas that changed. We ended up sleeping together and have been doing so on and off since. Now my feelings for this girl are crazy(which is obviously not good). Constantly on my mind etc... Now the monkey wrench here is that she's had a boyfriend of 5 years. When we first started hooking up their relationship was pretty badand it was obvious. To make a long story short this summer her and her man have had some sort of reconnection. Now keep in mind she's told me a lot about how much she loves me and wish things were different. I've attemped to go no contact with her a few times, but she ALWAYS eventually texts me and like the idiot I am I end up responding. Just wish I could wake up tomorrow and not care anymore. I have my good days and bad days, but all in all it drives me nuts. And I realize this is entirely my fault- as it was my dumb decision to get involved with someone who was spoken for. ugh Link to comment
amipushy Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 I've attemped to go no contact with her a few times, but she ALWAYS eventually texts me and like the idiot I am I end up responding. It's not because she can't live without you or is having second thoughts, its because she is a b**** and she knows she can play with you. She's loving the secrecy and the drama, but even worse is that her ego is that massive she thinks that you can't live without her -poor, poor trippy baby I've hurt him sooo bad so I really must go back and mess with his head some more because it makes me feel better (boo hoo) It's always going to be one big game to her and you are always going to be the loser. If you want it over, change your number- no excuses. If you don't then you really are doing this to yourself. Link to comment
redhearts Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Hahahaha, sorry. But she loves you and wishes things were different? Shes not married and she can leave this guy anytime she wishes for if she loved you enough. Shes a cheater, she did this to this guy, if you guys were to possibly ever get together, she may do it to you. Not to make matters worse, or make you feel worse, but yes very bad decision. Maybe change your number? She has no business talking to you. uggh. Link to comment
Trip McNealy Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 Hahahaha, sorry. But she loves you and wishes things were different? Shes not married and she can leave this guy anytime she wishes for if she loved you enough. Shes a cheater, she did this to this guy, if you guys were to possibly ever get together, she may do it to you. Not to make matters worse, or make you feel worse, but yes very bad decision. Maybe change your number? She has no business talking to you. uggh. Well she actually lives with the guy. But yeah,I feel you...I need to grow a pair and just gut her off completely. Nothing but bad usually comes out of this and Im the one thats constantly getting hurt. I'll admit it though- receiving attention from this girl made me feel good about myself. I think that's what keeps me going back. Link to comment
redhearts Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Sorry but to me people have no excuses. She shouldn't have cheated, she should of at least separated, broke up with this guy. She needs a place to go? I'm sure in the 5 years shes made friends if its a new town, or shes had friends or family to go to. Nothing is impossible. Thats just down right disgusting, I actually feel bad for her bf. You need to completely cut her off. Do you not know how many girls will give you attention?! So if she knows exactly how you feel, how your just really liking her and all, thats her little ego boost. That could be why she talks to you to keep you stringed along. Link to comment
Trip McNealy Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 Sorry but to me people have no excuses. She shouldn't have cheated, she should of at least separated, broke up with this guy. She needs a place to go? I'm sure in the 5 years shes made friends if its a new town, or shes had friends or family to go to. Nothing is impossible. Thats just down right disgusting, I actually feel bad for her bf. You need to completely cut her off. Do you not know how many girls will give you attention?! So if she knows exactly how you feel, how your just really liking her and all, thats her little ego boost. That could be why she talks to you to keep you stringed along. Well thank you for the advice. Im just at a weird stage- Im 25, have a great group of friends but it seems like I woke up one day and they all had girlfriends. Just makes it a little more difficult- theyre not as into going out and if it is out its nothing more than the local rather quiet bar where I already know everyone. But yeah, I need to finally just put an end to this. I allowed myself to be treated like a doormat. I know I deserve much better- just been in a funk girls wise and the one I fell for has someone. Im an idiot. Link to comment
redhearts Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Well all your friends had gf, this girl was just an F buddy. She doesn't even respect herself. Try a dating site! Link to comment
Trip McNealy Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 Well all your friends had gf, this girl was just an F buddy. She doesn't even respect herself. Try a dating site! Never gone for the dating site...decent idea I guess. Who cares anymore, right? Link to comment
redhearts Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 What do you mean who cares anymore? If you want a gf then I say do that. Because if your just not meeting girls in public, on-line isn't really bad. You can get to know someone over the net for a few days before meeting them. & make sure as hard as possible they truly are single, lol. Link to comment
Trip McNealy Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 What do you mean who cares anymore? If you want a gf then I say do that. Because if your just not meeting girls in public, on-line isn't really bad. You can get to know someone over the net for a few days before meeting them. & make sure as hard as possible they truly are single, lol. Ha, didnt mean "who cares" in a bad way. Just a dating site is probably something I'd never look to before. Guess I always thought there was a negative stigma attached to them, you know? I wouldnt say Im looking for a gf- just an opportunity to meet some new people and try and get away from the routine I've gotten way too comfortable with. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Ha, didnt mean "who cares" in a bad way. Just a dating site is probably something I'd never look to before. Guess I always thought there was a negative stigma attached to them, you know? I wouldnt say Im looking for a gf- just an opportunity to meet some new people and try and get away from the routine I've gotten way too comfortable with. You don't necessarily have to join them, to look for a partner. A lot of them have options asking what you are looking for and 'friends only' is sometimes one of those options. I joined a chat/flirt site, for online friends only and I met some great people on them.....and you never know who you will meet. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Another reason to end this is, If she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you. If anything were to come of this, how could you trust her to stay faithful to you? Link to comment
Trip McNealy Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 Another reason to end this is, If she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you. Thats the general rule of thumb...wish I could just flush the feelings out of me. Weird because Im usually really good at getting over this type of stuff. This one is just different... Link to comment
bostonbruins24 Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Why not see how she reacts when you express your desire to date other girls?Treat her with all the respect that she gives you.I think it's ultimatum time;give it up with your boyfriend to be with me or bye bye. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 By continuing to see her, you're probably actually helping her relationship with him. Triangles are actually very stable structures... If she only has part of what she wants/need from him, and she can find the parts she's missing in someone else, then she really has no need to leave him. She's got her needs covered. The problem is you don't have your needs coveredsince your job is to prop her (and her other relationship) up. So if you genuinely do mean something to her, there's more chance of her leaving him if you stop playing and force her to have that guy and no one else. She'll have to confront the problems she has with him if she doesn't have someone else to run to as a safety valve. So stop propping her and this other guy up. She'll either leave him if she realizes you're more of what she wants, or else you'll discover she was never serious about you to begin with. Link to comment
Trip McNealy Posted September 3, 2008 Author Share Posted September 3, 2008 At this point, I dont even want to be with her anymore. Would you suggest just completely removing her from my life or attempt the whole "friends" thing. Considering we were actually really close friends before anything ever happened. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 Yes, just put her out of your life. The temptation to sleep with her will always be there, and it will hold you back and you will compare other women to her in your mind. Just close the book and find someone who is appropriate. You can find friends without all the baggage and negative potential you have with her. Link to comment
Steve 7745 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Hahahaha, sorry. But she loves you and wishes things were different? Shes not married and she can leave this guy anytime she wishes for if she loved you enough. Shes a cheater, she did this to this guy, if you guys were to possibly ever get together, she may do it to you. Not to make matters worse, or make you feel worse, but yes very bad decision. Maybe change your number? She has no business talking to you. uggh. I agree with Redhearts feelings as to this matter. The only indication we truly have of a person is in their actions. Words effectively mean nothing- they are just words. Actions mean everything. She may say she loves you, but her actions say she would rather be with her boyfriend. If I were to read into her actions, I would say that she loves him. If you want control of your actions, mean what you say and do as you mean. Link to comment
crosstownTraffic Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 This post rather hit home to me, as I have a platonic friend who found out his GF had a husband! Well, she did not tell him right off the bat and being his first real GF, he fell pretty hard for her also... BUT... I think once he knew she was married, he needed to say this ain't cool and cut things off at the pass. You know.. all you guys who date women who have other men or have a primary SO, you are in la-la land I'm afraid. This lady, if you can call her that.. has all her needs taken care of.. her husband provides her 3 square meals and a roof over her head, she does not need to work even, and then whatever is lacking in the bedroom, her BF on the side gives her. A great arrangement for her perhaps, but not so for either the BF, or the husband, who now knows about the BF. Well, you are doing yourself a great disservice and I'm going to tell you what I told him.. find someone who's AVAILABLE! Otherwise you are just wasting your time and she's ruining your chances to find a great gal who can give herself completely to you! He's all upset now cuz his GF who is married decided to end things, but I really think it was for the best.. A neighbor friend told the hubbie what was going on, and I was most concerned that a friend of mine would take up with a married woman (Even though he claimed her husband did not care if she had affairs on him!). Well, just saw a news telecast where the estranged husband shot the lover of his wife, even though the lover had married the woman and had a child with him! You can never know what the betrayed lover is going to do either, and if the person you are dating doesn't have the guts to leave him, I say you are putting yourself in harms way! It's time, imho, to put this thing behind you and start over. You deserve better than this. Link to comment
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