tina-rocks Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Hi everyone I am crying as I type so excuse the poor judgment A quick recap of my situation is my husband annouced he no longer loved me 4 months ago just as I found out i had to have a hysterectomy. I have the operation on Thursday this week and he went away this weekend just gone for a short tour. Before he went he had been saying about loving me still. Tonight he came home and said no he really does not love me at all. I have agreed to let him stay in the house for my 2 girls as they need to be with at least one of us I think If I die during the operation on thursday I want people to know I was a good person in life and that I counted for something not wasted. I am sorry to all the ENA members I posted too I thought I was helping and yet I can't help myself I hope you are are all able to find peace I will wish this even if I am dieing on the operating table Thank you all so much for being so nice to me and making me feel loved Tina Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 I pray that you wont die. I have a feeling you have a lot of life to live and a lot of love to give yet. Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 Sorry about this just loosing everything I love all at the same time is too much apart of me will be happy if it ends on the operating table Peace at last I pray that you wont die. I have a feeling you have a lot of life to live and a lot of love to give yet. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 HUG. You will not die my dear. I know operations are scary I have had 4 and I am still here. You will come out of it great and to hell with him. HUG Your kids need you so never say that! They are worth 10 billion of him just remember that. You are not losing them. Link to comment
redhearts Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Tina!!! Your not going to die!!! Your going to wake up the next day from surgery and be like mmm some pancakes and hasbrowns be damn good right now & if I could bring that to you with some orange juice I totally would! Your daughters do need their mom too! So if anything you have them to live for!=] Life goes on after divorces. Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 Why I feel like this I have to loose Dana and cookie. My 2 cats because the vet said they are fragile and need to stay where they are. He has agreed tonight if I leave the house he will pay me off and he agreed to sign a contract stating he will look after my girls. I have pre/op today and in on Thursday. I gave up the chance of having children for him as he could not have them and he was never wanting to do anything about it. now the surgeon will take it all away and for what. Him to now not love me I still ovulate and now I'm loosing everything There is nothing left god can take from me as he has taken everything in this world I care about Oh god I feel so sad and lonely it's over. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Believe me no man is worth dying for. My was divorced 3 times and still kicking and remarried again and very happy. Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 I am losing everything and I am not sure if when on the operating table something goes wrong I will fight it. No love no life Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Let me tell you he is not the only man in the world.It just seems like it today. There are many great men in the world and you will find someone more worthy to love than him. Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 What about my 2 cats. Dana and Cookie they love me as I love them and I have to let him keep them for their sake. the vet said they would be better as they are a little fragile. Honestly you are all really wonderful people here and I am so happy I got to find ENA and you all. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Tina I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this, and I don't have any answers except to tell you that taking slow deep breathes can help. I'm sure your surgery will go well, and you'll be in my thoughts. Hugsssssssssssss! Link to comment
thejigsup Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 If you truly wanted to die, you would not have this operation. I've known many women who have had this done. My brother's wife was cleaning the house 4 days later! Most said it sounded worse than it was. Have the operation, recuperate, take your two precious girls, and RUN! Link to comment
greensleeves Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Hi Tina...you'll get through this okay. Try not to worry...surgery can be scary but you'll be in the hands of skilled doctors surrounded by the best medical equipment available. I'm sure you're feeling overwhelmed right now because of everything that's going on in your life...it's alot to deal with. Keep your chin up and think about the great future you're going to have, because you will. You're going through a very bad patch right now, but you have much better days ahead of you. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 I am losing everything and I am not sure if when on the operating table something goes wrong I will fight it. No love no life Don't you have children? Come on now, to say you won't fight to live when you have children...well that is unspeakable. You will carry on. You will live. And you will get thru this. You are a mother; your husband is not the sole reason for your being. At least i surely hope not. As for apologizing for giving advice when you can't figure out your own life, come on, even psychologists need counsel at their darkest hour, but that doesn't mean they can't continue to GIVE counsel. Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 I'm having a hysterectomy on Thursday and no I do not have children my girls are my 2 cats Dana and Cookie. Karl could not have children and now he does not want me it's too late for me. I had my pre-op today and whilst in the hospital he gave me back his wedding ring. I sobbed the whole time I was there even when they took the blood test. I'm sorry if you have read my thread wrong as I must have been a bit vague only I was crying when I created it. Thanks for replying Don't you have children? Come on now, to say you won't fight to live when you have children...well that is unspeakable. You will carry on. You will live. And you will get thru this. You are a mother; your husband is not the sole reason for your being. At least i surely hope not. As for apologizing for giving advice when you can't figure out your own life, come on, even psychologists need counsel at their darkest hour, but that doesn't mean they can't continue to GIVE counsel. Link to comment
SimplySasha Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Thats pretty poor form to give you back your wedding ring while you were in the hospital having your pre-op done. Kind of twisting the knife right there. You don't need this man anymore. There must be something you can do about your 2 little babies. What does the vet mean by too fragile? Cats are pretty resiliant little beasts. I think that at least you should keep them, they may adjust better than the vet might think. They love you unconditionally and always will. They are you babies, don't give them up. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Yeah well any man that gives back a ring at a pre op needs a kick in the balls till he hits the curb. Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Tina YOU WILL NOT DIE. The NHS is fantastic, and deals with these operations EVERY SINGLE DAY. DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING over to your husband thinking it will benefit your children if you die. (Nothing to do with your op, but if you were to pass away regardless) Please get independent legal advice as I am not a solicitor but I am a legal secretary, and I can tell you that at this stage with you having young children he is bullying you because your emotionally vulnerable. Cats are very resiliant, ask a neighbour to put food out for them. If your in for a hysterectomy you will be out in 4/5 days, they will survive. If you tell the hospital you have no one to care for you when you get home, they will arrange for the district nurses to call and/or a home help, so dont think you have to rely on your husband. Build up your confidence, build up your body and your inner reserves because your going to need them to take on this slime ball whos having you sign things away while your at your most vulnerable. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Yeah well any man that gives back a ring at a pre op needs a kick in the balls till he hits the curb. lol....you've got that right. What a jerk...that is despicable behaviour, like it couldn't wait? Tina, I think you should do whatever it takes to hang on to your cats...you don't need the added grief of losing them as well and they'll be a great comfort to you. Are you still in the house with your husband now and will you be recovering there and have you signed the contract regarding letting him buy you out for the house yet? If not, maybe you should see a lawyer first...he might be taking advantage of you right now because he knows you're in a vulnerable place right now. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Tina, you are not going to die. Women have these ops everyday and medical science is pretty advanced. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Yes and as someone else said DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING till you are better and can get a lawyer. Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 Hi I am supposed to go to a solicitor with him tomorrow only chance for me as I will be in Thursday. The nurses were not nice to him today. I was crying so much. They asked him to wait outside. They have put a block on him coming to the hospital as they also believe this would perhaps be detrimental for my health if were here. He does not want to come anyway He is so cold Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Do not see HIS lawyer, get one YOURSELF, his lawyer is not there to be fair to you. Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Tina, get advice INDEPENDENT of him. He is a separate legal entity from you even though your married. He does not necessarily have your best interests at heart (or sadly, even those of your children). Please, if you go to the solicitors together because you feel you have to, try and phone in advance and speak to them. Explain your concerns and that you need to speak privately to them and/or just tell them on the phone you dont think your husband has your best interests at heart. This is very important. Better still, just try and go alone if you can. I think this operation has obviously come on top of some marital difficulties, so the whole situation is swirling round and merging into one. The main thing to focus on is that you will have this operation, and you will get better. The nurses have obviously seen something in your husband that they dont like and are trying to protect you also. please, DONT sign anything your not happy with or feel pressured into. If necessary, tell the solicitor you wish to leave your entire estate wheresoever and whatsoever to your said children and name the children. If they are under 18 you will need to nominate a Trustee, this can be a family member (not your husband) or a close friend. good luck, Hope x Link to comment
greensleeves Posted September 3, 2008 Share Posted September 3, 2008 Tina...please don't sign anything right now!!! There's no hurry on this...it just seems that he's rushing you on this at a time when he knows you have other things on your mind....it's sneaky. Couldn't you just tell him "I can't do it today...after I'm done with my surgery and fully recovered, I'll deal with it." Don't let him push you into it. Link to comment
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