Back together, but why is it different? Need advice.

[TrueBlue27]

My girlfriend and I got back together a little over a month ago after 4 years apart. Way back when we met and started dating - she was 17 and I was 22. I was her first love, and she loved me so much. She would never have left me. We were together for 2.5 years, but I had started getting bored and looking to get out and at the same time she confessed that she fooled around with another guy, and I was shocked. She felt terrible about it, but it was the last straw and I told her we should see other people.

 

She was crushed. That was 4 years ago. I just couldn't get past her cheating, and it took a LONG time for me to be able to trust her again. We kept in contact, and hung out every few months for the past 4 years. I still loved her so much, I just needed to get that trust back.

 

Now we are back together, and it seems totally backwards now. I am so in love with her, and it seems like she doesn't feel as powerful of love as she did before. We both miss what we had. She knows how much I care about her, and only wants to be with me. But can it ever be like it was before? Will she ever feel as strong of a love as she felt back then for me?

[redhearts]

She probably lost any love by cheating on you and misses the way things were how she had a strong bond or a good relationship, maybe not necessarily you but the idea of what you two had. But she did mess it up and some things are just unfixable. Besides she probably can't get over the fact on how many guys she messed with between the years and during the years together.

[TrueBlue27]

Thank you for the response. I don't think it's unfixable because we are happy with each other. I am just insecure because I feel, unlike before, that her feelings of love just aren't as strong as mine. Oh, and about the messing with other guys... She fooled around only one time with one guy who is no longer in the picture and she knows if she is ever around him again, we are through. She had two relationships during the years apart, and she said she felt used in both relationships and they didn't treat her nearly as well as I do. I had a 2-year relationship in between as well.

 

She is not the kind of girl to mess around with lots of guys. Each of us have only had 3 lovers in our life.

[redhearts]

I was not saying she went and messed around. I am saying that she naturally would have other relationships and guys she probably slept with. So there you go, she felt used in those relationships, so now shes going back upon the one guy she thought she had a good relationship with. That may be the only reason, shes trying to find some kind of love, but just doesn't feel it. She may have moved on, but wants that good relationship. So what I'm trying to say is, she doesn't want to be with you, but she wants to have the good relationship and the way you treat her. So she wants to TRY to love you.

[Seraphim]

What is different??? It was four years ago right??? Well she is fours years older. More experienced. Did you grow older in four years?? Change your perceptions?? Of course you did. Well so did she.People are not static, they change. Maybe she does not love you like she did before. That may be the reality. My husband and I are not the same people we were 4 years ago, every one changes.