Should I get involved?

[Dioufy]

I don't know if this is in the right place or not, so sorry if it's not.

 

My problem is, my girlfriend is separated from her husband and has been for a while but they live together in the same house (joint-mortgage and she has nowhere else to go). Her Husband (soon to be ex) is making her life a complete misery. She just wants to live there until she finds somewhere else but he plays petty little games, like hiding the phone, her laptop and her stuff. He is also being really nasty towards her and a part of me wants to knock his block off but I don't think that's best.

 

I want to make things easier on here and her kids, because they are the ones who will suffer by this petty little man.

 

I am always there to talk to her but I can feel her being dragged down by him and it breaks my heart. I was just wondering for any advice as I am really torn about what I can do to help her without stepping out of my jurisdiction.

 

Any advice for me or her will be gratefully received.

 

Aaron

[Seraphim]

I think you are doing great by being there for her.Stay away from him because that leads to trouble far more than you can imagine or want. One of them should really find another place to live until the assets are divided. If she has custody of the kids then he should leave, he is just doing it to be annoying and save money.

[redhearts]

Besides that I won't lecture you on dating a girl whos divorce isn't final. She probably could of gotten out of there a while ago if she wanted to honestly. Friends, family? I don't see why her ex just didn't move if she had the kids. Hes just driving her nuts to try to drive her out of that house. You shouldn't meddle in their business though.

[bikerc4]

the same thing has happened to my friend. In the end she had to move out with the kids. Her x husband and her agreed to live in the house certain days of the week. But it didn't work out and he kept walking into the house whenever he wanted. Now she is happy being in her own place.

[Dioufy]

It kinda is my business if what he is doing isn't unnecessary and is causing the woman who I really care for to be unhappy. I know it's going to be hard for her and there are things I can't get involved in but what he is doing is abuse. He won't move out to be difficult and she has literally nowhere to go. He thrives off it and it's very wrong - it's constant as well, so she gets very little time on her own to think. He's trying to make her life a living hell, and at the moment, he's succeeding.

[bikerc4]

Would she not rent a place and make her life easier. She should not have to put up with that no one should.

[hers]

I understand what you're saying, and I can see the want to get involved, but you are only hearing her side of the story. Youre getting her interpretation of it: he's playing "games" when really you don't know, nor should you. The most you can do is be there for her, offer an ear, and support her decisions, but it is NOT your battle, whether you want to save her or not. ESPECIALLY if it involves violence.

 

It reminds me of that scene in Wayne's World 2 where Kim Basinger tells Garth abuot her husband and how she wishes someone woudl kill him, and all he says is "kill him?" and she says "NO! I won't let you do it!" and then points him to the guni n her purse. I'm not saying that's how this is, but I'm saying she could be expecting you to "save" her from a situation she just doesn't want to deal with.

 

It's nto your battle. Do not get involved. There's huge drama there as it is b/c you are involved with a woman still living with her soon-to-be ex, but don't take it further by getting yourself involved. Just be there as an ear and supportive shoulder, but nothing else. It's nt your battle.

[Seraphim]

She has the kids...he should go. Can she legally have him removed some how? Because he will keep this crap up till he wins.

[Loki71]

If she is filling for divorce the court can actually have him move out when there is proof he can afford it and that he is abusive to her

[Dioufy]

If she could afford to live by herself then she would. She also is trying to move out but that will take weeks, if not months. And the kids are divided. One is living with her and the other is living with her dad.

[bikerc4]

it's a difficult sittuation to be in.Plus it will be hard on the kids. You are a good support to her.

[redhearts]

One is living with her, the other with her husband or her father? Sorry that confused me a bit! I agree though, you don't know both sides of this story and divorces one person may get really stubborn. He may not want to move a foot because he doesn't want to lose the house etc. I know this is a little okay probably illegal, for her to change all the locks and put his things out?

[Dioufy]

The kids' father is her husband.

[bikerc4]

you can get a barring order. That means he will be made leave. If he is abbusive she needs to go to the doctor and if she has marks show the doctor and he will keep a record of it and she has proof then for the police.

[Dioufy]

It's not really physical abuse - it's just constant petty stuff that's really bringing her down.

[bikerc4]

I would still advise her to go to the doctor and tell him what is going on. At least if things do get nasty it will all be on record.

[Dioufy]

Thanks, I will do that.

 

I don't mean to cause offence but I know both sides of the story here. I know what he's like as a person and a husband. Don't get me wrong, he seems like a cracking dad but the way he is treating her is simply pathetic, and horrifically wrong.

[HeartGoesOn]

I understand your concern, but you have to remember that she's separated, which means she's still legally married.

 

I'm sure that you have the best intentions, but it's best to stay out of it until she's legally divorced.

 

I'm sure if there's any physical, or mental abuse, towards her or the children, her lawyer is the one who can advise her.

[bikerc4]

is she legally separated.

[Dioufy]

I think it's best if I just stay out of their way until everything is sorted. She's going to see her family law adviser next week so hopefully they can advise her in the right direction. I will just lend an ear if needs be - I think that's the best thing I can do.

 

Does anyone have any advice to her about this petty crap that's been going on?

[Dioufy]

Still married but it's over - I am certain of that. Divorce proceedings should commence when she has seen her adviser.

[bikerc4]

Well i think you are doing the best thing by not getting involved but i bet it's hard for you to sit back and watch it happening. My advise to your girlfriend is not to take it from him. She will have a nervous breakdown. Mental abuse is worse than physical abuse.

[hers]

What sort of advice are youlooking for in regard to the petty stuff? Like how to get him to stop hiding her stuff? Just advise her not to take it from him or put up with it, but whatever she does, she shoudln't play along to it.

[Seraphim]

OK just because she is not LEGALLY divorced does not mean she not available for a relationship. She needs to report all this to a dr and her lawyer and somehow have him removed. I do not know how because I have never been divorced but there must be a way for him to be removed. She needs to imform the lawyer and what she would like to see done.

[Dioufy]

It is a form of mental abuse. I was just looking for advice for her on how to document it and use it against him in some way. Or how we could get him to stop some other way, like the police, but I don't know what her rights are or what are not.