CordelliaG Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Personally, if two adults both like each other and want to get it on, does that automatically mean it can only be a fling (in men's eyes)? Personally, I don't see the point of waiting just because it's what society expects from you. Men, if you sleep with a woman early on, do you automatically categorize her as non-marriage or non-LTR material? It would be interesting if you could note your approx age/age group as it would be interesting to know if the hang-ups about timing, sex, etc. are accross the generations or if it's more of a younger male (or older male) thing. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taking The Lead Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 generally speaking, sex early on can mean many things. My girlfriend had sex with her ex 2 days after they started dating... formula for disaster. They broke up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CordelliaG Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 . My girlfriend had sex with her ex 2 days after they started dating... formula for disaster. Why formula for disaster? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 It really depends on the situation. Being an adult has nothing to do with getting it on or not getting it on. It is a matter of what the two people value...do they value short term gratification or do they value restraint and getting to know someone first. Relationships have indeed developed between people who ripped their clothes off for each other on the first date. It doesn't matter what 10 men say, it really matters what that particular man in that particular situation feels. In other words, if people want to have sex before any kind of relationship gets established, they have to be prepared for the fact that it may not necessarily translate into a relationship. There are no cut and dried answers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tethys Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 It depends on the man. Some think if you sleep with them early on it means you make it a habit -- meaning, you sleep around. That makes you non-LTR material. I am not saying I agree with that. It's how some think, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D_Lish Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 It depends on the man. Some think if you sleep with them early on it means you make it a habit -- meaning, you sleep around. That makes you non-LTR material. I am not saying I agree with that. It's how some think, though. Well...which decent guy wants a woman who will rip her clothes off and have sex with all and sundry and at every opportunity? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tethys Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 D_Lish, I don't know, you tell me. Just because you sleep with a man early on does NOT mean you rip off your clothes and have sex at the drop of a hat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D_Lish Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 D_Lish, I don't know, you tell me. Just because you sleep with a man early on does NOT mean you rip off your clothes and have sex at the drop of a hat. But that's what the man would probably think....that you were having it with all and sundry and at the drop of a hat... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D_Lish Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 I was thinking though... What about if you were in an online relationship and you'd known the guy for months, talked by phone and then you met. Would sex be ok, on your first real life encounter? Or might he still think of you as a 'tart'.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tethys Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 But that's what the man would probably think....that you were having it with all and sundry and at the drop of a hat... Right, which is what I was trying to say before -- but I also said that doesn't make it right or true. Honestly, I would have zero patience for a man who thought that way. Just because a woman sleeps with a man early on doesn't mean she has slept with EVERY man early on, so that should not be assumed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Right, which is what I was trying to say before -- but I also said that doesn't make it right or true. Honestly, I would have zero patience for a man who thought that way. Just because a woman sleeps with a man early on doesn't mean she has slept with EVERY man early on, so that should not be assumed. This is true. If two people click and have awesome chemistry, how long are you supposed to wait? Sometimes, you just know the person is right for you very early on. Anyone agree with this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProtestTheHero Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Right, which is what I was trying to say before -- but I also said that doesn't make it right or true. Honestly, I would have zero patience for a man who thought that way. Just because a woman sleeps with a man early on doesn't mean she has slept with EVERY man early on, so that should not be assumed. The guy will always make this assumption. We will also make the assumption that you've probably slept with someone else recently, and that up to this point we aren't yet sexually exclusive. It's a general rule to assume the worst and expect nothing better until it's established that both people are wanting more. I think that's why sex early can be bad at times...one or both involved enter into the mindset that this might not go any further. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tethys Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 This is true. If two people click and have awesome chemistry, how long are you supposed to wait? Sometimes, you just know the person is right for you very early on. Anyone agree with this? Exactly. I slept with a guy on the second date because the chemistry was there. It was not something I typically did. And that guy ended up being my husband! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Exactly. I slept with a guy on the second date because the chemistry was there. It was not something I typically did. And that guy ended up being my husband! What a refreshing post! And hope for the future! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tethys Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 The guy will always make this assumption. His loss then, if it's not the case. If a guy would dump a great woman because she had sex with him...oh well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 The guy will always make this assumption. We will also make the assumption that you've probably slept with someone else recently, and that up to this point we aren't yet sexually exclusive. It's a general rule to assume the worst and expect nothing better until it's established that both people are wanting more. I think that's why sex early can be bad at times...one or both involved enter into the mindset that this might not go any further. What if you've discussed this first and decide to wait until you get to know each other for a few weeks? Certainly he can't think you jump in bed with everyone then...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tethys Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 What a refreshing post! And hope for the future! I found a really great guy! We had a lot in common, plus TONS of sexual chemistry -- fortunately for me, this was a PLUS in his book, NOT a minus! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProtestTheHero Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 If you already made it past the whole "Will this lead anywhere" stage, then you've already successfully made it through the difficult part of sex early on in a relationship. If you discussed it already you should be in the clear as well. "His loss" is debatable. We can't formulate much of an opinion when we've barely known someone and yet here we are sleeping together. It's just something we're doing because we want to get off. Like I said, if this has happened to you and the relationship has already survived then you are fine. It's not like early sex will tear apart a connection that was really strong to begin with. It's situational. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D_Lish Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 His loss then, if it's not the case. If a guy would dump a great woman because she had sex with him...oh well. How would he know she was a 'great' woman though, if he's sleeping with her, before he even knows her? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tethys Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 I was saying -- if a man dumped a great woman for the MERE reason she slept with him early on, then it is his loss... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
D_Lish Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 If you already made it past the whole "Will this lead anywhere" stage, then you've already successfully made it through the difficult part of sex early on in a relationship. If you discussed it already you should be in the clear as well. "His loss" is debatable. We can't formulate much of an opinion when we've barely known someone and yet here we are sleeping together. It's just something we're doing because we want to get off. Like I said, if this has happened to you and the relationship has already survived then you are fine. It's not like early sex will tear apart a connection that was really strong to begin with. It's situational. So would he think any the less of a woman, if he'd got to know her online beforehand, do you think? As in they had been chatting for months and got along and had this connection.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tethys Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 D-Lish, are you in relationship that started online? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobsiesprincess Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 i agree that its completely situational. i dont agree that men will always make an assumption as one of the other posters said. in this day and age alot of men will not assume if you sleep with them straight away that you are easy or not marriage material or whatever. my bf and i started off in the most unconventional way.... I slept with him straight away and we became f buddies as i wasnt ready for a relationship (first time id ever done either of those things). luckily he wasnt judgemental, and we are now in love and in a happy committed relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CordelliaG Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 hmmm...I am throwing this situation out there because it happened to me and inspired me to ask the original question...hope this is not digressing too much (if it is, please tell me and I will move it): I met someone online from out of town (but not too far). We chatted sporadically but I saw it more in a friendship way. We met once and didn't kiss or anything and then the second time we met it was to go on a weekend trip together near my city (I saw it as friends with chemistry thing at that point and honestly I was kinda looking for a rebound). Anyway, we ended up having fun hanging out and also sleeping together and we are seeing each other again next month when I am back in the area, for another trip. I just wonder if he thinks that I am easy, ESPECIALLY given that we met on facebook. I guess it's more or less acceptable to meet people on the internet these days, abut I still feel a bit weird about it. To me it sounds like it could be nothing more than a travel f*** buddy situation waiting to happen, but it could also be an adventerous way of getting to know eachother better.. we'll see Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallingAllAngels Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Well, if men don't "want that type of girl", then why do men always try for sex? Any answers guys????????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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