blondy Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 I was with the same guy all summer, so two months (which seems like nothing considering I was with someone almost 7 years prior). I am absolutely crushed over this, we just broke up a few days ago. And we broke up through a text message of all things, so I have no closure! There was no final discussion, no goodbye, nothing. We started off so strong, completely head over heels in love, when I was with him it just felt so right. I have been in love before but it never felt like this. We really connected like I never have with anyone else. We even discussed a future together, met eachother's families, etc. And then, the past few weeks, something changed with us. Its like all of a sudden he grew cold and the spark died out and it was the worst feeling. I knew when it was happening and I tried to ignore it and tell myself it was all in my head, until I actually brought it up and he agreed that he felt the change too. I feel like not only did I lose a man I loved but a good friend too. It hurts and I am just so sad. I feel like we were together for years, not just a few months. And having broke up through text messaging leaves absolutely no closure, nothing. The 'what-ifs' keep running through my mind, I keep thinking back to all the wonderful moments we shared together this summer, those intense, incredible moments you share with someone your in love with....and you think it will never end. This hurts worse than when I ended my 7 year relationship. I know in my heart it obviously was not meant to be, but the pain is there. This is different from past breakups. If I were looking at myself now six months ago, I would have laughed at myself for getting this attached to a man in only two months. I miss him terribly, its like an ache that wont go away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Sometimes it hurts more when it's during the infatuation stage and you've chosen to put your life on hold for this person. That's happened to me many years ago but I learned not to do that - put my life on hold that is - for another person - also because once the infatuation stage is over the risk is high that a well adjusted person will start to feel a bit overwhelmed or crowded. I am sorry things didn't work out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeStrongBeHappy Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Yes, the early infatuation stage is so full of promise and hope and excitement and all kinds of 'love' hormones. You haven't had time for the reality to set in and to quit thinking every little thing he does is magical and perfect. So really this is more about that than true enduring love. Obviously he certainly had something lacking, in that he was rude enough to break up via text. It could be as simple as he just wanted a summer fling, or perhaps he had a 'real' girlfriend who was traveling or someone else for the summer and she's back again. So remember these are just strong infatuation hormones and it will pass. Since you only knew him 2 months, you will forget him a lot quicker than someone you knew for a long long time, though the withdrawal pain can be intense when you're coming down off those hormones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondy Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 Sometimes it hurts more when it's during the infatuation stage and you've chosen to put your life on hold for this person. That's happened to me many years ago but I learned not to do that - put my life on hold that is - for another person - also because once the infatuation stage is over the risk is high that a well adjusted person will start to feel a bit overwhelmed or crowded. I am sorry things didn't work out. That is the mistake I made. I completely put my life on hold. It was all about him, what he wanted to do, where he wanted to go and when he wanted to see me. I felt like I was just going along for the ride. Maybe things weren't as good as I thought, not really sure. I feel quite pathetic actually having gotten this attached to a guy only after a couple of months. I will know better next time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leo_s84 Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 I think it's about the what if's.. In a seven year relationship i bet you said to yourself that you tried everything and there was nothing else to do but breakup. In this short relationship it's different Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atelis Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 agree with all the comments. you have had a taste and you like what you tasted and you want more and more and then it is suddenly taken away. a new, short relationship is fresh and fast moving and the excitement of meeting a new person and all that goes with it is very intoxicating. to have it pulled away can be more hurtful than a tired, longer relationship Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daegas Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 If you become intatuated your brain releases large amounts of dopamine (same stuff as with cocaine) whenever your thinking of him & are with him. It is actually hard to stop thinking about that person when your infatuated, because it makes you feel good. You are experiencing trouble because your dopamine release isn't as high as it used to be (your not with him anymore). In short: you are addicted. Your time with him wasn't all that great, but the infatuation made you think so. It also made you do foolish things, as you realize by now. The best thing to do is to control your thoughts as much as possible and not think of him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondy Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 ive been keeping as busy as possible, which helps. I'm starting to see that it isn't necessarily *him* I'm missing, its that feeling. We didn't go through all the tests and trials of a long term relationship so of course this one felt like perfection which it obviously wasn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nixee Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Completely agree with this. Infatuation is not little kid stuff.... it is an intense feeling, and when it ends abruptly, it is intense pain. But.... the good thing is.... when you do heal, the weight will lift much clearer and much easier. That is my prediction at least. I know right now that is probably hard to see, but you will. 7 years is a significant percentage of your life to spend with someone, and while it may feel easier to some ways to get used to the idea of that person no longer being your partner... their memory will stick around as a chapter of your life no matter what. 2 months... well it is hard to say. You will have memories you cherish no matter what. The relationship seemed to be short and intense, and sometimes the healing can be short and intense as well. I hope for your sake it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misspiggyfire Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 I know exactly what you are going through, the hurt the most. Its only been a day but I have removed him off facebook and deleted his number so I can't contact him. We were mates before just hope we can go back to being mates once things have settled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondy Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 I know exactly what you are going through, the hurt the most. Its only been a day but I have removed him off facebook and deleted his number so I can't contact him. We were mates before just hope we can go back to being mates once things have settled. Its only been two days for me. I did the same thing, deleted his number from my phone and all his texts so I cant call him even if I want to. Luckily he does not have a facebook otherwise I would probably torture myself checking it to see if he's with someone else. Part of me just wants to know, but I know I'm better off not knowing. Its probably better to assume things than to know the truth. I keep telling myself, get over it...it was only two months. But its hard to try and talk yourself out of your own feelings. I was doing fine this morning and now as the day goes on have been feeling pretty lousy. I just dont understand it. NC is the only way to go though. I'm glad I have a busy week coming up with work and plans with friends, the more I can distract myself the better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misspiggyfire Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 I know how you are feeling as the day gets worse I am thinking of him more. Just trying to keep busy and distracting myself. I wasn't with him for long but it got really intense with us both admitting that we had fallen for each other. I think it makes it harder just hoping we can be friends again but maybe after this we can't ever just be friends again. I will cross that bridge when I next see him as we both have a lot of the same friends. Damn me for falling for a friend lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dead Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 hmmm, i think the time period of the relationship is irrelevant. Its what it really meant to someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
atelis Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 yes, i know people that have been together for 4 years and there was little if any feeling when it was over. at the end of the day, the pain and loss will be reflective of how deeply that person got to you and what they meant to you irrespective of time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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