Setbacks and lessons learnt

[Imprecision]

Previously, I was working on this girl. She was taken. But I liked her anyway. For a while, the tables kept turning. Several times, I felt success in my palms, only to have it slip away.

 

I plan to reopen the project in three months. I even marked it down on my calendar. But for now, I have other things to do.

 

1. Interest level.

 

Most men pursue women. But smart men let women pursue them. Smart men mask their interest level, so that women believe that they are the ones pursuing the smart men. As my Scandinavian girlfriend says, "Women like men who are 'hard to get but available.'"

 

But it's hard to pretend you don't like someone when you really do. Your secret crush messes up your tactics.

 

Addition

 

Another thing - this girl was very popular. On the first night I met her, she turned down four other guys. And then several guys fought over her. One guy swore he would drown himself at sea if she did not see him. The next day, I talked with some other kids. These kids insisted that I have zero chance with her. They said I had a snowball's chance in hell. This dramatically increase my interest - on account of the drama and the challenge.

 

I had no social excuse (e.g. mutual friends) to see this girl. It took three weeks of persuasion and groundwork just to convince this girl to see me for coffee. Unsurprisingly, I was very excited. This dangerously increased my interest level.

 

I also wanted to be in love. All my friends talk about the joys of being "in love." I feel left out and resentful. For once, I'll be the one "in love." This, again, dangerously increased my interest level.

 

Of course, I liked her for who she was, too. I admired her and respected her. I admired her, because she was brave and adventurous. She was generous and fearless. We had a connection, because we both adventured in China for many years. She was a western brunette who spoke Mandarin, Shanghainese, and Cantonese. Not too rare these days, but uncommon enough to be interesting.

 

(My adventures were better, though. One day, when I write down my adventures, people will be astonished. Always, audentes fortuna iuvat.)

 

2. Qualification.

 

Qualification raises your social value. Then the girl is interested.

 

What is qualification? When you qualify a girl, you test her to see if she fits your standards. For instance, your criteria might be intelligence and kindness. thereforee, you test a girl to see if she is intelligent and kind. If she is, then you accept her as a potential mate. Or you might make up criteria on the spot and then test her with them.

 

When you qualify someone, you implicitly have higher social value.

 

For the longest time, I thought the girl responded to my advances because we had a connection. The connection is important. But she agreed to see me time after time, only because I kept qualifying her - she wanted to prove herself worthy of me.

 

3. Push and pull.

 

A smart man uses women's tactics against women. Usually, I'm smart. With this girl, my admiration for her overwhelmed my better judgments.

 

I liked this girl. I respected her. I admired her. thereforee, I wanted her to pay attention to me. We had a connection - I clung to the connection. Next time, I won't offer her sincere compliments. Instead, I'll alternately insult and compliment her.

 

My female friend Frizzie said that I should be a jerk to this girl. That's the easiest way to get her. Next time - I'll listen to Frizzie!

 

4. Mistaken faith in my own words.

 

This girl paid attention to me only after I sent her a long letter challenging her. I challenged her to be adventurous and brave. I challenged her to independent. That letter was very successful.

 

Thereafter, I wrote several beautiful letters. Unfortunately, my beautiful letters were badly-timed and inappropriate. I was mesmerised by my own rhetoric. Next time, I won't write letters.

 

5. Dating around.

 

I'm glad I kept practising pick-ups during the last one and a half month. This kept my options open. My resources were abundant. I dated around meanwhile. This kept my self-esteem high.

 

6. Talking too little.

 

When I first knew this girl, she talked all the time. I listened. Whenever I asked a five-word question, she made a ten-minute reply. I admired her. So I paid my full attention.

 

My tactic was to listen to the girl's words and then to ask another question based on her words. This tactic is wrong. This tactic has its benefits - sometimes you want to collect information. Information is power.

 

Unfortunately, with girls - you need to talk about yourself.

 

Next time, I'll cut her off at the thirty-second mark.

 

7. Friendship.

 

I'm glad I was never her friend. I made it clear from the beginning that we were not friends.

 

8. Age.

 

As I said elsewhere, unless a girl is at least two years older than me, I will not consider her for a long-term relationship. This girl is six years older. thereforee, my interest level was dangerously high. Unfortunately, this means she has a lot more experience than me. I was disadvantaged.

 

9. Basic problem.

 

In the end, there are two problems:

 

1. I was too sincere. I admired and respected her. We had a strong connection, because of our common experiences. I thought all I had to do was build on this strong connection. I should have treated her just as I treat any other girl.

2. I liked her too much. I could not hide my interest level. Several times, I knew she would be mine. I held her firmly in my grasp. Unfortunately, my interest level always manages to mess up my tactics.

 

She was just a woman. Like any other woman. Next time, I'll be smarter.

 

Some people will no doubt say, "She was taken. So it was justice that you did not get her." I think different social circles have different views of justice. In my core social circles, you're allowed to go after someone's girl, as long as that someone is not your friend. I asked all my friends about this - All but two encouraged me. In any case, I liked her. So social conventions be damned!

 

But that's irrelevant to my post, anyway. This post is about setbacks and lessons learnt. Please stay on topic.

[Pegasus]

How old are you? How old is this chick?

[Imprecision]

Haha, you asked me how old I was once before already. You could have figured out this chick's age by simple addition.

 

Anyway, 20 vs 26.

 

And as you know, my rule is that I will not enter a long-term relationship with any girl, unless she is at least 2 years older, or preferably 6-7 years.

[Pegasus]

Haha, you asked me how old I was once before already. You could have figured out this chick's age by simple addition.

 

Do you think I could remember it?

[Imprecision]

Lol, good point.

[Shudder]

roflcopter.

[Imprecision]

Shudder, what is so funny? Any insightful words?

[tiredofvampires]

After reading a number of your posts, Imprecision, I'm convinced that other than our average post length (which is a first for me, feeling equalled or rivalled here, in this department ), we have almost nothing in common when in comes to social mores, but most of all in finding romantic partners. I do look for some of the qualities you do -- worldliness, honor, loyalty, etc.

-- in another person, but the similarities end there.

 

I think you've made some mistakes here, I agree; and lessons should be learned. But not the ones you would embrace.

 

If I were a woman and discovered his charm was all about fabricated artifice, his mind filled with aphorisms and canonized rules, that his attempts to woo me revolved around contrivances of his calendar, guide books and enumerated tactical schemata, I would be absolutely mortified. I'd feel like an object of conquest, not a desired human being. Needless to say, if I even caught wind of this, there would be no second coffee. And if this was well-enough hid (which I imagine you also practice at diligently), at some point when I discovered it, there might be coffee thrown accross the room.

 

You say you were genuine and that was the problem. The problem is that you see that as part of the problem.

 

To me, there is nothing more attractive than a man who reserves some judgment about me while he gets to know me...but still allows his heart to beat a little faster. I love a man who doesn't think he writes, but then ends up writing letters. A man who likes or loves, despite himself, is very hard not to love. A man who will stop talking because he'd rather listen to me for 10 minutes -- but then can't restrain himself any longer because I gave him so much to say is my kind of man. A man who cuts me off but won't let me cut him off is bad, bad news. The best of chemistry is when both of us are listening raptly, yet are so exuberant, we are both cutting eachother off "accidentally" but also apologizing immediately and letting the other go on. I love that!!!

 

Contrary to all the "theories" about how people like the chase, the thrill of the chase is only sweet for about 3 dates or so.

 

I never want a man to be practiced in falling for me. That would not be falling for me.

 

When you fall, after a brief period of caution and good character assessment (if you are wise), you lose your mind and every rule in the book.

 

You won't be "in love" until you do this.

 

8. Age.

 

As I said elsewhere, unless a girl is at least two years older than me, I will not consider her for a long-term relationship. This girl is six years older. thereforee, my interest level was dangerously high. Unfortunately, this means she has a lot more experience than me. I was disadvantaged.

 

 

I am curious though about this. Why do you feel this way about older women? And do you think it'll be the case your whole life, or just at this age juncture?

[mca1975]

Youre wishes are very precise! lol. You scare me. Lol!

[Pegasus]

Some people will no doubt say, "She was taken. So it was justice that you did not get her." I think different social circles have different views of justice. In my core social circles, you're allowed to go after someone's girl, as long as that someone is not your friend. I asked all my friends about this - All but two encouraged me. In any case, I liked her. So social conventions be damned!

 

But that's irrelevant to my post, anyway. This post is about setbacks and lessons learnt. Please stay on topic.

 

Sometimes you can't create attraction no matter how much you try. Give it a rest, there are other girls out there.

[May_It_Be]

Let the boy revel in his fantasies. That's all he has, in the real world.

[Imprecision]

Lol, May_It_Be is bitter and resentful. She's also jealous. Is my life really that fabulous? I swear I'm just an average kid from the block, who likes girls a bit too much.

 

tiredofvampires,

 

Thank you for your long, interesting post. Thank you for taking the time to answer my bunkum. I want to give each of your points due consideration. Many philosophical issues deserving lengthy exploration. Unfortunately, I must get ready for school. Plus, my mom wants me to scrub the kitchen. Please be patient.

[May_It_Be]

Lol, May_It_Be is bitter and resentful. She's also jealous.

 

Uncanny! LOL. Saw right through me ... just as you see through ALL women! I feel so thoroughly chastened.

 

But mostly amused.

[tiredofvampires]

Is my life really that fabulous? I swear I'm just an average kid from the block, who likes girls a bit too much.

 

tiredofvampires,

 

Thank you for your long, interesting post. Thank you for taking the time to answer my bunkum. I want to give each of your points due consideration. Many philosophical issues deserving lengthy exploration. Unfortunately, I must get ready for school. Plus, my mom wants me to scrub the kitchen.

 

So is this the "real" Imprecision? If so, I find that infinitely more endearing and date-worthy and attractive than the "Don Juan de Canton" character that you come off as (or paint yourself as).

 

Please be patient.

 

No worries. Patience is one of my greatest virtues.

[Shudder]

Shudder, what is so funny? Any insightful words?

 

I find your entire post funny. no need to overanalyze every little detail how you execute your every move.

 

by the way your standards are ridiculous. girls 6-7 years older as well as being able to speak 3 dialects of chinese fluently? hell most girls I know like to date guys OLDER than them.

[Imprecision]

tiredofvampires,

 

After reading a number of your posts, Imprecision, I'm convinced that other than our average post length (which is a first for me, feeling equalled or rivalled here, in this department ), we have almost nothing in common when in comes to social mores, but most of all in finding romantic partners. I do look for some of the qualities you do -- worldliness, honor, loyalty, etc.

-- in another person, but the similarities end there.

 

You're better than me, though. My long posts reflect my vanity and narcissism. I love talking about myself and my hobbies (girls being my latest hobby). Your long posts reflect genuine experience and philosophy.

 

If I were a woman and discovered his charm was all about fabricated artifice, his mind filled with aphorisms and canonized rules, that his attempts to woo me revolved around contrivances of his calendar, guide books and enumerated tactical schemata, I would be absolutely mortified. I'd feel like an object of conquest, not a desired human being. Needless to say, if I even caught wind of this, there would be no second coffee. And if this was well-enough hid (which I imagine you also practice at diligently), at some point when I discovered it, there might be coffee thrown accross the room.

 

Buddhists say that permanent personalities do not exist. All personalities are the coincidences of diverse causes. As causes arise and dissolve, personalities change imperceptibly over time. Or sometimes abruptly, as during a nervous breakdown.

 

Sometimes, when you watch an old-time movie, you think, "I admire this character. I wish I were more like him." Heaven gives each person unique resources. Using these unique resources, each person must sculpt his life according to his desires.

 

We have experiences, and then we tell stories about our experiences – but experiences and stories are different things. An experience is empty of words. An experience is a string of phenomena. These phenomena are like the pixels on your computer screen or the individual slides on a roll of film. By themselves, phenomena are meaningless. We humans react to phenomena. Then we tell stories about these phenomena.

 

A while ago, I wrote a story about my life, beginning from my childhood in HK, up to my last few months in Vancouver. (I deleted it. But I can repost it if you want.) Any story of my life should have two things – my ex-best friend and my sickness. I no longer speak with my ex-best friend. After I finished high-school, I fell sick for a long time. I stayed in bed fifteen hours a day. I got up only to watch Seinfeld. I felt weak and useless. I was ashamed of my sickness. I was so ashamed of my sickness that even buying coffee became an ordeal – I felt anxious dealing with people.

 

I can tell infinite varieties of stories about how my sickness changed my worldview. Maybe I lusted after strength, because I felt weakness. Maybe I hated people, because I wanted them to suffer what I have suffered. Maybe I regret yielding to adversity too quickly – now, I swear I’ll never be a coward again. Or maybe I learnt the preciousness of life, because sickness deprived me of normal living for two years.

 

The specific story doesn’t matter. Today matters. For a while, I thought about dying. Twenty-eight seems like a good age for death. I have eight more years. I don’t want to die fighting over a woman, though. That plot is done to death. I hope some girl will poison me when I’m twenty-eight. Perhaps she loves me too much – she’ll soak my cold, dead face with remorseful tears. Then she’ll kiss my lips, hoping to die by the same poison which brought me death.

 

I want my grave to declare my erstwhile beauty and bravery. My beauty is Heaven-given. I’m so vain that I often catch myself admiring my reflection in store windows. Actually, any woman is lucky to talk to me – fun, daring, refined, sweet – what other guy can compare?

 

I want to be better, though. I quote:

 

In the Book of Poetry, it is said, "Look at that winding course of the Ch'i, with the green bamboos so luxuriant! Here is our elegant and accomplished prince! As we cut and then file; as we chisel and then grind: so has he cultivated himself. How grave is he and dignified! How majestic and distinguished! Our elegant and accomplished prince never can be forgotten." That expression-"As we cut and then file," the work of learning. "As we chisel and then grind," indicates that of self-culture. "How grave is he and dignified!" indicates the feeling of cautious reverence. "How commanding and distinguished! indicates an awe-inspiring deportment. "Our elegant and accomplished prince never can be forgotten," indicates how, when virtue is complete and excellence extreme, the people cannot forget them.

 

The last time I visited China, I was a boy. The next time I visit China, I will be an accomplished young man. I’ll array my powers like legions of soldiers, in many dense square formations stretched accross the field, with their shields glistening in the sun. I plan to visit China next May. First, I will revive my old networks and build new ones. Second, I’ll explore the frontiers. Third, I’ll study religion.

 

Actually, my current project is to translate ancient Chinese texts on divination into English. I have all the tools I need – fluent Chinese and English, and a good grasp of Classical Chinese. But as I’ve said above, aside from translating mystical and religious texts, I want to have adventures and then write about them. Many people say they want adventures. But they never work on adventures. They expect adventures to knock on their door one day while they’re sprawled accross the couch watching TV.

 

To begin, you must research. I read many books about the old adventurers of the Chinese frontiers. Many insights and inspirations. From there, you make a catalogue of skills you need, and skills you want to acquire. For skills you need – of course, you need outdoor skills. You also need good money sense, a broad understanding of local cultures, and a detailed knowledge of geography.

 

But that’s not enough. After my last long vacation in China, I realised that friends and allies are the key to a glamorous, adventurous life. Social skills - Social skills are one of three pillars of a good life – the other two being financial sense and passion. I’ve always been sociable. I make friends easily.

 

I practised picking up women when I was in China. At first, I picked up women, because it seemed the thing to do. After a while, you discover that your social skills increase by leaps and bounds. How do I explain it? When you deal with many women every day, you learn that social phenomena like persuasion, rapport, and attraction are not mysterious, haphazard occurrences. There are set principles governing these phenomena. With practice, social interactions are no longer haphazard. Sometimes, you still fail your goals. But when you reflect on what happened afterward, you can pinpoint what you did wrong. Then next time, you can avoid the same mistake.

 

You become much smoother. You keep pushing the limits of your social competence into new and different situations and different ways to deal with different situations. A trivial example – some women are bossy. When they meet a strange man, they start putting him down right away. This tests whether he stands up for himself, and whether he has social competence. The first few times you pick up a bossy woman, you won’t be able to defend yourself adequately. After a few times, you start making good come-backs. After another few times, no woman will ever get away with putting you down. Your subtle derisions will leave her astonished and mortified. Then, the girl starts to respect you.

 

If you have encountered a social situation many times before, you can deal with it effectively. If you haven’t, then you’ll mess things up. Pick-up helps you in other ways. But I won’t enumerate them – lack of space.

 

I’m working on other things, too. I read Latin and Classical Greek intensively. Wouldn't it be great if, whenever I discuss a political problem, I can refer to ancient parallels? I can talk about the Roman systems of government – the rise and fall of the constitutional republic, the problems of empire, the rotting evil of inflation. I can also discuss Xenophon’s adventures and Caesar’s military tactics.

 

Women like ice tea. I hope my words will always be sweet like honey and cool like ice. First, they’ll take a sip. They become curious. Then they take another sip – they are hooked.

 

Actually, speaking of adventures – I haven’t told you any of my adventures. My stories would astonish you. When I speak of adventures, I don’t mean backpacking in foreign cities. I mean real adventures – dangerous and life-threatening. I won’t post any of my adventures here, though. Some things are too intimate and too private.

 

I am curious though about this. Why do you feel this way about older women? And do you think it'll be the case your whole life, or just at this age juncture?

 

I made several posts about this:

 

Why older women are better

 

My experience with one older girl

 

I have three rules when it comes to dating. If a girl does not satisfy them rigidly, I will not consider her for a long-term relationship.

 

1. Either Chinese or western brunette.

2. Speaks Mandarin. (I find Mandarin very sexy. My first language was not Mandarin, though. It was Teochiu.)

3. At least two years older, or preferably six, seven years older.

 

I've simplified rule two and rule three into a general principle: I must be able to call her Jiejie, meaning elder sister. I don't call women Jiejie indiscriminately. Only women I really like.

[jenny_mcs]

I think you are a great writer and your posts are very entertaining. I hope though, that this fantasy world that you have spun for yourself where you are the most beautiful, brave, socially successful, and talented young man that ever lived is not stopping you from living in the real world.

[ColdHands...]

Previously, I was working on this girl. She was taken.

I plan to reopen the project in three months. I even marked it down on my calendar.

 

I used to do projects when I was in school too...they involved sticking pretty pictures onto various bits of coloured card.

 

What planet are you on? Do you seriously not see that your paradigm on this aspect of life is weird? I respect you for being adventurous and knowledgeable at this young age, but your outlook on women is bordering on the creepy.