headupgirlie Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 I recently ended things with my bf- from the start he was always emotionally unavailable to me. For the 1st month we were together, there were days that he acted so cold towards me, it was hurtful. I took a few weeks away from him but eventually went back, although things changed. He started to act a bit more emotionally available but I was resentful and felt that it was an act. I was scared and could not let my guard down. The icing on the cake was when we went away together and 2 nights in a row, after we had fabulous meals and drinks, we would get back to the room and I would turn away from him in bed and not even say goodnight! It was awful but I knew than that I had to end things with this man, that is 39 years old, and seems to want a friendship/comfort versus a true, loving and passionate partnership. It's been hard, I want to call him but my pride remains in tact. He did text me last week saying he was thinking about me and missed me but I remained strong. I've been feeling very weak/hurt this weekend but have managed to not text/call. You see, I wanted to fall for this man, I was falling for this man but his cold behavior really made me see an ugly side of him that I would not want to endure for the rest of my life. Just needing to vent right now, any kind words of encouragement would help. Thank u all in advance. Kat Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Then know you have made the right choice for you and he was NOT the man for you. Truly believe this. Link to comment
Whiskers Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Then know you have made the right choice for you and he was NOT the man for you. Truly believe this. This is true, in your heart you know that this is right and sooner or later, after time to repair and pull everything back together, you'll find the man who fits you better. XXXX Link to comment
Mysterygirl Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 stay strong and follow your heart. Link to comment
tina-rocks Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Hi, The other posters are spot on. Take heart you made the right decision. It's time to move on with your life. Link to comment
headupgirlie Posted August 31, 2008 Author Share Posted August 31, 2008 Thank u so much all, I will remain strong although it hurts - One day at a time though, is what I tell myself, Link to comment
starlight40 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Hey there, i think youve done the right thing and spared yourself alot of heartache long term. I can identify with how you felt when he was so cold towards you, my ex was like that, not all the time, he was very hot and cold, all over me one day, cold and distant the next. I think when someone is like that its worse because you know how nice they CAN be when your getting the attention you want then all of a sudden they take it away. I was with my ex for 2 years, his hot and coldness was very addictive but ultimately very hurtful. He used to make me feel terrible when he would push me away and it definitely chipped away at my confidence, with him i think it was a form of abuse- he liked the control of being able to withhold sex and im sure he felt good when i felt bad, he was a classic emotional abuser. Link to comment
headupgirlie Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 starlight - thank u! I too felt like it is a more subtle way of control/abuse and it certainly takes a toll on us emotionally! Your post enpowered me a little more today, knowing and feeling that I made the right decision. I am so glad I found this site, today was rough but I made it through and feel good Thank u again all! Link to comment
starlight40 Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 starlight - thank u! I too felt like it is a more subtle way of control/abuse and it certainly takes a toll on us emotionally! Your post enpowered me a little more today, knowing and feeling that I made the right decision. I am so glad I found this site, today was rough but I made it through and feel good Thank u again all! Wow, my post empowered you? that has to be the best compliment ive ever had on this site! Thank you. Its so nice to be able to help others especially when you can relate to what theyre going through. Dont let what he did and how he made you feel knock your confidence, im almost positive it would have been a control thing and nothing to do with your appeal so just remember that, i have. Controllers are driven by fear and insecurity, they feel good when they can take from or have the power to make someone feel a certain way, dont allow it, its them with the problem and not you. I hope you continue to get that confidence back and to feel great not just good. You go girlie! Link to comment
headupgirlie Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 Once again, great post starlight, thank u!! so so much - you're absolutely right! It's him, not me! Funny thing, is that he'll try to get me back again and by than I'll be over him and his immature ways... life is funny like that. Starlight, (off-topic), noticed that u have a Taurus icon, I'm also a Taurus! Link to comment
starlight40 Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Once again, great post starlight, thank u!! so so much - you're absolutely right! It's him, not me! Funny thing, is that he'll try to get me back again and by than I'll be over him and his immature ways... life is funny like that. Starlight, (off-topic), noticed that u have a Taurus icon, I'm also a Taurus! Hey, its a great sign imo. Loving and sensual people, think we a bit slow on the uptake sometimes though! haha i am anyway! My ex was like that, everytime we split up which was quite a few times, the times i didnt go crawling back he did eventually until he did something that completely broke the deal for me (its all in my previous posts), he ended it but i refused to take him back, id finally had enough. Thats the thing with alot of emotional abusers, theyl push you away because when you beg to come back it feeds thier insecure nature so that they can feel better, then if you dont theyl beg for you to come back to regain their control over the relationship. My ex is not a horrible person just very messed up, i actually feel sorry for him because if he doesnt sort himself out hel never be capable of real love. Link to comment
headupgirlie Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 so true starlight, the emotional roller coaster these mental abusers try to put us through is sad! I also feel empathetic toward my ex, he will be single forever if he doesn't seek help and better understand what he is doing. He'll have to help himself though, noone else can "fix" him - I'm not taking him back, had enough and reached my breaking point already. I will not continue to act as his enabler, it's been hard to let go but I feel strong and will not settle for less than what I deserve! Us Taurus' are strong and patient people but once crossed or disappointed 2 many times, we do now how to charge ahead Link to comment
starlight40 Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 so true starlight, the emotional roller coaster these mental abusers try to put us through is sad! I also feel empathetic toward my ex, he will be single forever if he doesn't seek help and better understand what he is doing. He'll have to help himself though, noone else can "fix" him - I'm not taking him back, had enough and reached my breaking point already. I will not continue to act as his enabler, it's been hard to let go but I feel strong and will not settle for less than what I deserve! Us Taurus' are strong and patient people but once crossed or disappointed 2 many times, we do now how to charge ahead Sadly, i tried to 'fix' mine for 2 years, i still feel very deep sadness because of it all, the whloe thing almost had me a breaking point mentally, afterwards i felt like id failed him and myself. Its took a long time but ive now realised that the only thing that i can and need to fix is myself, by trying to fix him i was running away from me. Heaven and earth wouldnt have moved me from him if id decided to stay, thats a taurus trait but once i made my mind up that it was over after putting up with so much theres nothing that will now make me go back- another trait. Im pleased for you that youve realised you deserve more, stay strong x Link to comment
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