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How did I forgive him for everything?. what was I thinking

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Ok trying to make my long long story short. 3 years with the bf. on and off.. he seemed to not be able to make up his mind about what he wanted... mainly because when I met him I was single for almost a year and was well over my other ex and when we met his gf of 2 years broke up with him 2 weeks before that. - that right there should have told me TO STAY AWAY but I didnt...

On and Off for the first year because he wasnt over her.. I guess had hope for her. Hod do i know? a good 8 months into the relationship he went on vacation with his buddies.. he said he wrote his email an ex.. just because he wanted his necklace back - I have no idea how and I have no idea who - the email he sent her ended up in my inbox one day - maybe after a good year of dating or so...


it was not just him asking her for his necklace back - (that was supposed to bring them back together and him asking for it back meant to him that hes done waiting) the email? it was a book. "I miss you, i love you, why dont you talk to me.. why cant we be friends.. I have nobody.... and more i miss you's i love you's" what killed me the most when i read it? the I HAVE NOBODY. I read this and my heart dropped. I was a NOBODY TO HIM? confronted him he said he didnt write it - but i know for a fact that he did... either or.. scenario #2... year 2 of us on and off - he was going on spring break with his buddies - the whole time i was worried he's going to find himself some skank out there and god knows.. but I figured ok no he would not do that to me.. breaks up with me 2 weeks before he leaves a week before I found out he's taking two girls from home with him!!!! - one of the girls he happened to have such a huge crush on when they were in h.s. - I told myself I would never forgive him for that... didnt talk to him didnt want to... this was more than enough... long before you know he came back from his spring break trip . starts texting, starts calling telling me he misses me he loves etc... we ended up getting back together... only i told him he cant talk to his ex or that girl - the girl he went on the trip with they just somehow happened to become best friends when we were dating.. who does that?????? Here i was thinking im his best friend and he became best friends with another girl when we were dating. is that RIGHT? i think its messed up. year 2 fall he stats school again (college) a girl happens to be in his class and they become close.. everytime i was with him she would be texting him "i miss you i wish we had more classes together etc" * * * ?????????


forgave him for that... a week before his birthday (towards the end of the year) we had plan to get coffee like we usualy used to... I had class that night.. got out of class around 9pm.. called him told him I got out early.. phone rang and rang and no answer.. called again. straight to voicemail... called 15 min after nothing.. so i gave up figured he went to sleep.. phone died who knows..


texts me in the morning saying sorry "went to sleep my phone died too"

2 days later (we were dating at this point but we were not friends on facebook - caused a lot of drama) - i told one of my friends what happened and i thought it was a bit shady (the coffee night incident) she told me on his facebook....

the girl he went to spring break with... the one he became "best friends with while we were dating" and the one we had the hugest crush on in high school - THEY GOT COFFEE TOGETHER THE NIGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED TO!!!!!!!!!


Confronted him.. he apoligized.. i forgave him. * * * IS WRONG WITH ME RIGHT?


year 3.... nothing but arguing.. him wanting to talk to that girl and his ex.. both killing me because of what happened in the past... at this point I would just blow up on him.... anytime he mentioned them... so we broke up again... didnt talk to him told myself IM DONE.. dont even know how.. got back together..... june of this year... things were good.... then started going bad... we had a trip planned - supposed to be on vacation exactly a week from now.... and last week.. he broke up with me. blaming me saying its my fault i dont trust him because if i did i would not mind if he talked to his ex and his "FRIEND"

then tells me he wants to stay friends - and we should go on vacation as friends. told him no i want my money back. its done and over with.. said i cant get my money back... so i talked to my friends.. co workers...they said its best that i go and just enjoy myself.


either or.. i told myself fine i wont ignore him now... go on vacation and after that NC on my part...


so for the time being i cant ignore him... have to pretend like this was the best choice ever.. for us to break up and that he's right it would have never worked.. the damage is done etc etc....


we hung out yesterday for a few hours.. he wanted to go shopping to get a few things for the "VACATION" and well i pretended like IM OK - and happy etc.... he seemed sad.. either or.. after hanging out he texted me.. saying it was fun he's glad we both agree that this is for the test - when honestly i dont....


at night.. im out with my friends... and he texts me saying "i kinda sorta miss you and it sucks, what happened between us but dont worry about me ill be fine. - would you mind goign to get coffee sometime this week and just talking about our trip and being excited" - i agreed.. dont ask why... and told him its going to be hard for both of us but its for the best (the break up)


either or.. had a few drinks in me and what do i do??????????????????


TEXTED HIm. saying


"i miss you too, and its so hard no matter what i do i cant stop thinking about you.. blah blah blah i went on and on and on then called him left him a voicemail saying i miss you i love you but at least we're friends"




THINKING TO MYSELF * * * IS WRONG WITH ME. HOW DID I JUST SCREW EVERYTHING UP? now the ball is in his hands and he knows i miss him too.... WHY?




long story. didnt make it short ha.. i tried..

i think i just needed to vent.

feel free to think im crazy for taking him back so many times.. but im really done this time. ill go on my vacation and after that... DONE.

NC - as much as it may hurt me i know i dont deserve anything that he's done.. i deserve so much better... no lies.. no girls that became best friends.. etc

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Of course you deserve better but I don't think you truly believe that, there's either a part of you saying this is the best you can get or that he's not too bad most of the time.


You said he has killed a bit of you with every break-up, why isn't it that you have killed a bit of yourself each time you have given him the right to abuse you?.


He has disrespected you in a lot of different ways, but that you kept going back made it seem okay, he can do whatever he wants with you and you have tolerated it and have returned asking for more, Why do that to yourself?.


I don't know if there was a story of abuse in your family or if you have self esteem issues caused by some other kind of traumatic event, whatever it is you need to work on that, you can't put your well-being in the hands of others you deserve to be happy and it's you and nobody else who has to make it happen.


You're definitely not crazy, you have a problem that you can and will solve so don't put yourself down for what happened, right now it's time to move forward, end that bad relationship and improve your life.

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AFTER ALL HIS BULL * * * * YESTERDAY.. the texts I MISS you I LOVE ETC and me giving in and texting him back while INTOXICATED - bad choices i know.. I DONT HEAR FROM HIM ALL DAY TODAY.





a few friends asked me to go hang out etc.. I turned everything down because I guess I'm hurt..... and waiting to hear back from him.



ahhhhhhh! I think I'm just angry at myself...

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You are a good person, you don't have to put your life on hold for some guy who doesn't deserve it.


Next time your friends invite you just go, don't think about it, you have to give yourself the time and the opportunity to start seeing things differently.


If he calls or not it shouldn't make a difference because you're not going to answer, if you feel tempted just postpone it to the next hour and so on, and give yourself an hour each day to just think about him and dwell on it if you like, but the other 23 hours are yours only and he can't interfere.

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Wow you have it rough! There are relationship where ppl are just emotionally attached more than love attached. This is hard on you. It is a health decision to break apart from this relationship. One that lies not once but tons! I caught my last lying to me. I found out maybe 4 months later and she slipped and she dare flip the script placing the blame on me. I didn't even know how I forgive her...I have a tendency to forgot arguments overnight =S


Don't give in to any tricks he might conjure up during the vacation such as you coming back to the room with romantic dinner, back rub, apology letter, etc. Take the vacation and go meet ppl rather than hang with him.

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so a bit of an update on this.. dont really care if anyone reads it.. because i need to get it.

he ended up texting me yesterday....


either or saw him today ---- he wanted to get things for "OUR TRIP"

and well i was literally the happiest I have ever been. pretended like IM OK and perfectly fine.. and he sat there.... looking pretty darn sad...

and kept on asking me why im so happy...



Im happy because I'm not with him.....



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You need to learn how to love yourself before loving others, your life will put you through many experiences before you really do. If you did that amount of text you would of wroten would of been a sentence or two long.


The fact you wrote back to him saying No I don't want you back, in itself means I don't want you back, I want the imaginary creation of yourself that I built in my head which makes me feel confortable. If you really didn't want him back you'd just not text him back. People like yourself who are emotionally dependent, which is a problem that happens because you depend on someone else for love and happiness which in the end always backfires because as previously stated in another post, you are the only one who can really complete yourself.

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