better to be positive about it?

[elizmdavis]

I posted in here yesterday ("Sealing Our Fate....") and I have since talked to my bf. I flat out told him that my uncertainty about marrying him came mostly stemmed from the "prophetic words" he has been using.

 

To back track a bit...if I made a comment about going out and doing stuff, he would act like he was sooo busy and say things like "This is how it is gonna be in med school, like it or leave it" "Is this how it is gonna be? You nagging at me? "

 

Those are his "prophetic words"...would that make any of you want to marry and support a guy through med school? Sounds promising eh? A boring life while he is doing whatever? I mentioned this to him and even gave him perspective by saying, "How would you feel if I was negative about sometihng you have been dedicated to, like med school? How would you feel if I said the degree you are working for is worthless and it's just gonna suck...like it or leave it? How would you feel if I ALWAYS said this about your dream?"

 

I am always encouraging about his goals but he has not been encouraging about this venture we might get in to. He told me that he doesn't "sugar-coat" things...and he felt it necessary to tell me how it's gonna be. I already know how hard things are gonna be, it would just be nice to feel hopeful about everything instead of scared to death!

 

He apologized for being so negative, but I told him to sleep on it. He was a little off-kilter when he aplogized so I don't know if he meant it. I told him I want to hear his belief in our future and that he might need time to ponder it.

 

I feel that if he were more encouraging and positive about our future, then I would feel more confident too. Am I in the right here?

[SapphireNoir10]

Like I said are you sure you want to marry a guy who wants everything on his terms whilst he pursues his dreams and goals. If you question him, your questioning your commitment. This is odd.

 

I believe you both need time to think about it for sure. He may have apologized...how is he in other respects...is he thoughtful and kind?

 

And yes your right in your thinking about him being more positive.

[elizmdavis]

I believe you both need time to think about it for sure. He may have apologized...how is he in other respects...is he thoughtful and kind?

 

How would you define thoughtful and kind? What makes a man thoughtful and kind?

[SapphireNoir10]

Well. Thoughtful, as in he considers your feelings in every day decisions. He does small things to make you happy. He is gentle and affectionate.

[elizmdavis]

Well. Thoughtful, as in he considers your feelings in every day decisions. He does small things to make you happy. He is gentle and affectionate.

Yeah, he definitley does that. He tends to be very considerate of my feelings. I think in this case his own fear was talking. It turns out we both are trying to fins a positive way to look at things knowing how hard it is going to be. We had a good talk yesterday. It was a deep and necessary talk. I am happy knowing that we are trying to keep things strong before we do anything else.