Am I seeing things that aren't there? (help, I'm not good at this!)

[Stuffy Nose]

So, I've been out of practice for awhile, since I was in a pretty long relationship, and don't quite remember how to do the flirting thing. When I used to do it, it was only with girls that I already kinda knew, and showed some interest in me.

 

A bit of a backstory first... I'm in college, and there's this girl that I'm interested in, with whom I've had a couple of 'encounters' with, but I don't know if there's anything there...

 

Well, we're both new here... and I noticed her within a couple of days. She seemed pretty shy, and I like that in girls (I'm also shy). I seemed to be seeing her very often, and she was always alone.

 

One day she was walking slightly behind me (in a larger group of people), and I turned around and introduced myself. We had a decent conversation, mostly making small talk (where are you from? major? etc.). I noticed, though, that she wears a ring on her left ring finger (oh no!). Anyway, I tried to be playful with her, daring her to go on a slippety-slide (we were at a party), and she wasn't responsive, saying that maybe later she would, and went to her room (this was all near our dorms). Later she came out, and I motioned her to come to me (I was soaked) and told her she promised me that she would do it later. She said she didn't want to and left, leaving me sad T.T

 

Our next encounter, maybe two days after that, was when she was outside, on her laptop. I felt brave, and went up to her, and said hi, and she said it back, barely glancing at me. (in my defense, she seemed to be doing something important, and I should also mention that it's a pretty prestigious school, so most of us are nerds) I thought I was failing... and made up the excuse that I wanted to see if those chairs were comfortable... yeah... not

so smooth that time, but it gets better!

 

We kind of exchange glances... and say hi and smile (she especially gives me a wonderful smile), when we walk past each other.

 

Two days ago, I saw her roommate and her struggling with furniture (a couch and an entertainment center), so I went to help them carry it. They were both very grateful, and I think the main gist of it was that she said, "Thanks, you're really nice!"

 

Then today I was walking back to my room, conveniently passing by her room, and she was right outside her door, on a bench doing some kind of math homework. I slowed and said hi, and she did too. Then I went near, to see what she was doing, neither of us saying anything. (she kept working, as she had done on the computer) As I started to leave she asked me what math class I had. I told her I didn't have any this semester, and she disappointingly said she wanted me to help her. Luckily, I knew how to do what she was doing, and I sat next to her. There was a funny moment, because she couldn't get her keys off the bench (they were stuck through it), until I helped her. I helped as much as I could, and then we were both stuck. Her roommate came (a math major) and saved the day, mostly. While they were talking, I got up and walked to my room, saying nothing. I came back with my really expensive calculator, and she said, "hey you came back!" I told her she could borrow it, but she had to bring it back to my room. (my way of assuring that we would have more contact later on)

 

When she returned it, my roommate got the door, and she gave the calculator to him to give to me.. not my plan... ouch!

 

The main thing that's making me believe there's something there just happened a couple of hours ago. There's a big party accross campus, and I convinced my roommate to go with me, because I thought maybe I could find her there. On the way there, I see her, but she's walking back towards our dorms. We're too far to say anything, but close enough to see each other's eyes... and we both just kind of gazed at each other for a good 3 seconds. Unlike before, where she had seemed very academic, she looked at me almost seductively. Unfortunately she was too far for me to ask her to go with me, and I was so awestruck by her look that by the time I regained consciousness, she was already behind me. I kind of freaked out, not knowing whether I should look back to see if she was looking at me... so I hesitated. Eventually I did, but she was too far already.

 

I was only at the party for about 45 minutes because I couldn't get the look she gave me out of my mind. I came back, half expecting to see her, but I didn't. For about two minutes I summoned the confidence to go to her room, knock, and ask her if she wanted to go back o the party with me... but once I was near her door it broke down.

 

So, for anybody who was willing to read all of that... is there anything there, or am I just seeing what I want? If there is, what should I do? I'd like to ask her... maybe playfully if she's married (because of the ring), but I'm not sure of how that might be interpreted.

 

Please help me! She's driving me crazy! We live VERY close, and it's a pretty small campus, so what I don't want is to make an ass out of myself, and lose my chances with this amazing girl.

 

Any input is immensely appreciated!

[fribjits]

Hello fellow college dude! =]

 

Alright look, I'm NO expert, and every girl is different and by all means I could be wrong because I don't know how she feels...

 

But I dont think she's really into you. Regardless of whether she's married I think that if she had any interest in you, she'd make a little more effort.

 

I mean, I know you said she's shy, but even shy girls will be a little open when they're interested.

 

And by the way, you really don't sound THAT shy. You sound like a pretty awesome dude! So don't limit yourself to this one girl if you can 8D Fish in the sea and all that.

 

If you REALLY wanna find out, than just be ballsy and ask her out. I know, easier said than done. But the longer you wait, the more emotionally involved you get and the more it'll hurt is you find out shes married or not interested. It's better to ask her out on a date, etc early on.

 

Hope that helps!

[Stuffy Nose]

The problem with that is that she lives so close, the campus is so small, and it's a very tight nit community. IF I did ask her out, not only will I ruin my chances with her... actually, if I didn't I'd ruin my chances with her... but if I did, I'd ruin my chances with her friends, and then I'd have this awkwardness to live with. She's literally a 20 second walk away from me.

 

I need a way to know if she's interested, or taken, without letting her know that I am (interested, that is).

[fribjits]

Well the easy way to find out if she's taken is to ask if she's single. Plain and simple. Don't try and think of a clever way to find this out, and DONT ask through her friends. Just ask her if she's single VERY causally, like just slip it in during a conversation, as if you're simply curious. It's very non-threatening and it's usually the best way to find out. And also this way you don't have to try and be subtle or sneak around to find out her status. And if by some chance she IS interested, she'll appreciate you're casual forwardness and know that you're the kind of guy who ask the questions you want answers to directly. (And this is attractive.)

 

Hope this helps.

[Stuffy Nose]

I guess that would be the simple, obvious answer. Now to meditate, and try to summon the courage to do that... or at least ask about the ring, or maybe even ask her out, I don't know... probably not ask her out, though. I get butterflies just thinking about it.

[May_It_Be]

Get over it and ask her out! LOL!

[Stuffy Nose]

So, I had a LONG talk with her today. (about an hour)

 

About halfway through, I asked what she was doing tonight, and she said probably nothing, why would I ask? I said something along the lines of... "oh, I've just been really bored for the past few days." I couldn't come up with anything to ask her to! I didn't want to do the cliche movie thing... GRRRR!!!!

 

However, somehow it came up that I can't swim, and she said, "Oh, don't worry I'll teach you!" It turns out that she's a lifeguard...

 

I definitely felt something between us, especially because her roommate kept insisting that she would finish painting (she was painting an entertainment center outside, and I approached, asking if she wanted help), and she kept insisting that she would do it, and that I was entertaining her anyway.

 

The ring... not a wedding ring! It's an 'abstinence ring,' though she called it something else.

 

Despite all this success, though, I f*cked up! She's pretty religious, and I'm taking a philosophy course that focuses on morality, so I started sharing, asking her philosophical questions. We got into a playfully heated discussion, and at the end I MAY have come off as a jerk. I don't know why... I'm thinking of just approaching her the next time, and apologizing in case I came off as a jerk, and then asking her out.

 

If nothing else, she at least knows I'm interested now, and responded positively! Score: me -1... I don't know who I'm competing against...

[May_It_Be]

Despite all this success, though, I f*cked up! She's pretty religious, and I'm taking a philosophy course that focuses on morality, so I started sharing, asking her philosophical questions. We got into a playfully heated discussion, and at the end I MAY have come off as a jerk. I don't know why... I'm thinking of just approaching her the next time, and apologizing in case I came off as a jerk, and then asking her out.

 

 

Why is it you've concluded that you've f-ed up? You had an intelligent conversation, and you challenged each other in a stimulating way. Sex is all in the mind, is it not???

 

You're freaking out about this WAAAAAAAY too much. PLEASE don't apologize for anything, next time you see her. You'll just come accross as insecure and desperate.

[Stuffy Nose]

So, I have an update...

 

I had some surge of utter confidence in myself, and I went to her door... at about 10:00 PM. I was going to ask her if she wanted to do something... anything really...

 

She wasn't there. Her roommate answered the door, and assuming that she knows who I was, I'm hoping that she'll tell her I came looking for her, and she'll come looking for me. It's funny... the one time I'm sure of myself, I don't even get the chance. Oh well...

 

To top it off, I think her suitemate (4 people per suite) knows that I'm interested. I don't know if it would be a good thing or not for her to tell her before I get to make my move, but at least she knows that I was going to, she just wasn't there... back to summoning courage...

[wayfarer011]

Well as I see it you have two issues here ( mayeb three). I don't want to play you my sad songs, but basically I have been there and done that and you sound alot like I did in high school, college, and even the first coupel of years after college. In fact it took me losing a girl who I just clicked with to realize all of the colossal mistakes I was making. So here is some adive that I learned the hard way.

1) Relax. Key point here. Don't get yourself worked up too much. I know you like her, from what it sounds you are really interested and trying to down play it. Believe it or not, this is no big deal, it happens all of the time.

2) Be confident. I know, this is the hardest damn part of it. But it is probably the most vital. Don't be an ass just be confident.

3) She probably already knows. One thing I figured out a while ago, girls are no where near as oblivious as guys are. Even if she doesn't know, one of her girlfirends has realized and told her.

4) Take a chance. Couple of things here are really important. Guys ask out girls all the time and girls get asked out all of the time. Its no big deal unless YOU make it a big deal. You have a student union right? Ask her to a mvoie there, or maybe a drink. Something small, low key, that kind of thing. Take her up on her offer to teach you how to swim. Don't play this as high school, ask her out on a date, if she isn't interested in you that way she will let you know. IF that happens, you must play it cool. Even if this is earth shattering devestation for you, you must play it cool until you are away from her. Keep talking and joking with her then head out.

The key point to remember is this, right now you are flying around in limbo, you want to know if she is interested, but what if she says no right? Well if she says no, so what, it happens, and as long as you play it cool it will be ok. But if she says yes, then its worht it. And either way at least you know.

As for waiting to ask her friends, trust me, back door channels do not work, and almost always screw it up. The best thing to do is just ask her. Good luck bro, let us know how it goes.