Ex broke NC after 10 months

[Red49]

Hello all

 

Most of you probably don't know my story. Basically, my ex left me out of the blue back in January 2007. She then contacted me 8 months later, in October, wanting to be "just friends."

 

To make a long story short, I said that unless we got back together again, I could not be a part of her life. Which meant (and I specified) no texts, no email, no letters, no phone calls, no ANYTHING.

 

Because she had been coming in and out of my life like this for almost 10 years now. I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt, and still feel, like if she is in my life as just a "friend" that I can't move on, or heal the way I should.

 

I remember seeing someone's signature here that said something like "I'd rather you be completely out of my life than only half way in it." That is how I've felt about her for a long, long time now.

 

So, despite what I told her back in October, and it has 10 months of silence since, a few hours ago, she randomly texted me asking if we could be just friends, because she really needs a friend right now. So I asked her what she meant by this. That was about 10 minutes ago, and I haven't gotten a text back yet.

 

I'm very nervous now. When I saw a text from her, my heart was pounding and I got all weird feeling, and got the shakes, not knowing what to do, or how to react. I don't know what to do! It's so confusing. I keep thinking there must be some other reason, there must be more than meets the eye here, or something like that, but who knows?

 

I just don't know what to do. I feel like if I be "just friends" with her, I'll be caving in. But part of me would also feel bad to reject her need to have me as a friend. But after all the * * * * she's put the through, I don't know why I'd feel bad.

 

I just don't know what to do... do I stand my ground, or cave in...it's so hard. But I was NOT the one to break NC. I was the one who asked for it. NC was MY decision to stick to, and I was never tempted to break it over the past 10 months.

 

Thanks for listening to me vent.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I would suggest you wait and see if she explains herself. I would only suggest taking up the "friendship" mantle if there is something seriously wrong like she has a life-threatening illness or a close family member has a life-threatening illness or died. For anything else...she has other friends.

[blue_dahlia]

Keep us posted!!

[Karmageddon]

You would think that after 10 months, that if she doesn't have any friends, there is probably a really good reason. It sounds like once again she is just being selfish, just like my ex. I told him the same thing, I cannot be friends with you, so if what you want is to only be friends, then don't contact me anymore. So he contacts me anyway, I get my hopes all up b/c I have been very very clear & yet...nope....he just wants what HE wants & doesn't really consider how it affects me at all. It's very cruel. If you have drawn your line in the sand, you need to stick to it.

[Red49]

Not only that, but I couldn't help but wonder that if she does have a boyfriend right now, how would he feel if he knew that she contacted me, her ex-boyfriend, out of the blue because she "needed a friend"?

 

I don't know if she even has a boyfriend right now, but I wouldn't doubt it. I don't know though, just a thought.

[Karmageddon]

If you have already told her you cant be friends, why would you even reconsider. Just b/c she is playing the guilt card??

[Red49]

It's not that I'm reconsidering. I'm just confused about the whole thing. Why contact me wanting to be friends, if that's exactly what I said not to do 10 months ago?

 

Anyway, my text message alert is silent, so I didn't even notice she sent it to me until 2 hours later. I texted her back, and that was an hour ago, and still nothing from her.

 

So who knows. Maybe she won't reply back.

[Karmageddon]

Well, i wondered the same thing when my ex did it to me. its called being self absorbed & selfish. I wonder if any of my posts would look familiar to ya. I read something today that really struck me... It said "the thing about people who always say what they mean, is that they assume that everyone else does the same" That was a quick little slap in the face for me. Just b/c you would never treat someone like that, doesn't mean she wouldn't.

[atelis]

she's probably going through a rough trot and wants a quick shot in the arm by getting some sympathy from someone who loved her.

 

If she persists, just be honest and tell her you can't be the friend she needs

[kuhl282000]

"I'd rather you be completely out of my life than only half way in it."

 

You're 100% right

[kuhl282000]

When I saw a text from her, my heart was pounding and I got all weird feeling,

 

 

That means you still care for her though ......reguardless of the crap she put you through .........men have died for their ladies in distress

[Red49]

But I wouldn't want to be just her "quick shot to the arm" or whatever, I wouldn't want to be used in that way, if that was really why she texted me.

 

She basically said the same thing when she called last October. "I'm going through a rough patch," she said. And this time, it was, "I could really use a friend right now."

 

I have no idea why, no idea what's going on with her. She still hasn't texted me back yet, after I asked her why she said what she did, so how urgent can it really be?

 

The fact that she made contact with me even though I said not to is what makes me wonder. I'm not sure she understands what making contact with me does to me.

[Red49]

Well, still no response from her. Don't you think it's kind of weird that she would be the one to text me asking to be friends, and then not respond back?

 

She sent me the text at 7:00 last night, I didn't see it until 8:45, but I replied when I saw it. Now it's 1:45 PM the next day, and nothing from her yet. Yeah, she's weird.

 

Who the hell knows, I can't figure her out. Maybe she just wanted to see if I'd respond at all. I don't know.

[lawyer630]

Do you still want her back? After 10 months?

[Red49]

Well I've known her for 10 years, so there have been times we've gone a lot longer than 10 months of no contact over the years. I do something think of it, being with her again, wanting her back, etc.

 

But I would have trouble trusting her, I would probably always be anticipating her leaving, and that is no way to be in a relationship. Besides, she never said she wanted to come back anyway. All her text said was asking me if we can be friends, because she can use a friend right now. Whatever that really means.

[lawyer630]

I understand your trust issues. I was in the same boat as you...I do not know if you are aware of my situation, but I have a thread going. If she initiated contact...I think that she wants to feel you out...obviously you are on her mind. My ex told me that he wants to be my best friend, but that was only 2 weeks ago, when he broke up with me. If you were implicity clear that you wanted her to contact you only after she was sure she wanted to give it another try, maybe this is a way of getting her foot through the door.

[Red49]

I hear you. And I did make it clear, at least I think so. In my letter to her last October, I told her that unless we're together, or at least at a point where we are heading in that direction, then I can't be in her life, especially as just a platonic friend. So maybe you're right, but still, I haven't heard anything back from her as of yet.

[Abbygail]

It sounds to me like she's using you because she has no one else to talk to. The fact that she said "I need a friend," makes me think that those are her intentions as opposed to getting back together with you. I think that if she was interested in reconciliation, she would say something more personal - such as, "I miss you."

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

I think her life isnt going quite right at the moment, so she contacted you to cheer herself up and to know your still there for her if she really needs you.

 

I am amazed she can have an effect on you after 10 months, you must really love her, but protect yourself because I think you know that you cant be friends if she can still effect you that way because you might get really hurt x

[Red49]

Well she did say "I miss you" when she called me 10 months ago, wanting to be friends. That was when I gave her the "no contact" thing. And last night, even though she didn't say "I miss you," she went against what I asked for. Maybe she just needed to contact me like you said, because she still hasn't gotten back to me. So I don't know. Not much I can do.