looloolola Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Has anyone here at any point in their life had an ex try to come back wanting to try things again? If so how long were you apart before they wanted to try things again? Did it work? What did you do that you think contributed to their wanting to try things again? And were you the dumper or the dumpee? Let us know Link to comment
Love_Music Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 yea they tried to come back....it didnt work.....couldnt trust him and it wasnt the same Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 Yes, I have an it is NEVER the same. Sometimes you can try but there will always be something missing. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted August 30, 2008 Share Posted August 30, 2008 one guy broke up with me, wanted me back two weeks later (Asked me to run away with him I turned him down latest ex was a mutual breakup, he wanted me back, we tried for like 12 hours but it was just too weird and the damage was done. Link to comment
bijoux27 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 One of them came back after about a year...we were only casual anyway so there wasn't much feeling involved (I think he just wanted booty) and we only talked a few times. The other (my current SO) came back after about a day...this was last year, we are still together.. Link to comment
majord23 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Several. I'm single. Draw your own conclusion Link to comment
bfla Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Where's mayday when you need 'em Link to comment
emalkoc Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Several. I'm single. Draw your own conclusion Love this one...All came back. but I am not single again. Link to comment
Whathappened1607307853 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 My current GF broke up with me only after only about a month of seeing each other, we've known each other for years though, sort of just been lookig over the fence but neither made a move haha. She broke up saying things was moving too fast, I agreed, we were pretty damm intense. She came back within 3 weeks of NC lol, we're trying to do things a bit different now, having a lot more fun, too hehe. It's only been one month since together again, I don't know if she was with someone during that 3 weeks, I don't know if it'll work out, but she is worth the risk. Based on my experience, getting back together is pretty rare. Most of the time I just try to move on. Link to comment
looloolola Posted August 31, 2008 Author Share Posted August 31, 2008 what if the person has broken up with a person once and came back then broke up again? Any one had them come back twice? Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 I've had ex's that have come back once, twice, three times. lol My thoughts: People do grow and change over time (months / years - not overnight.) It doesn't take long to determine if they have - don't waste months on an ex that is exactly the same that they once were. Link to comment
emalkoc Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 .. Any come back after months and months? What about in a situation in which they left you to pursue someone else? Months or years are not so important if you read the posts around this forum..., actually the ones come very quick, you tend to break again quicker. If someone comes back after several months there are I think two reasons: either they really care for you OR the grass was greener and they could not find a better one. For my cases, they all come back because grass greener not because they care. Hence, they all failed after a while. The more I matured the more I learned the intentions quicker. I suggest dont focus on the amount of time passed, rather focus on what you want moving on! Link to comment
Mysterygirl Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 My daughters father tried to come back after we had been broken up for almost 2 years. We seen each other every other weekend when he would pick up and drop off our daughter. I told him I don't go backwards in life. Link to comment
Mayday11 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Sure, I've had exs make attempts after awhile. In fact, I'd say most of the girls I've had relationships with have made attempts at some point. I've seen the same thing happen with a lot of friends, too. In my experience, it's not really that uncommon at all. But, there isn't any sort of time frame. Sometimes it's months, sometimes it's years. My coworker was dumped by her boyfriend 10 years ago. Earlier this year, he finally got a hold of her and she reluctantly met up with him. They just recently got married. What's the one thing in common between all the lasting reconciliations? Both people pulled themselves together and got on with life. Sometimes they both got into other relationships, sometimes only one did. Most of the time, some sort of minimal contact was maintained between them. There's always hope, there's no way of knowing. But, really, the best thing to do is not wait around for it. If you're waiting around and it does happen, your new relationship isn't going to start off on equal footing and you may just be in for more heartbreak. If you're waiting around and it doesn't happen, you're going to miss out on a lot in life. Link to comment
lawyer630 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 My bf broke it off with me for the third time 2 weeks ago...but thins time it is definitely over. He blames me for the relationship ending, becasue he said di was too insecure. My insecurities were due to him...I will not bore you with the details, if anyone is intereseted I have emy own thread going. He is not even willing to be honest and fess up to his lies, which built into my not being able to trust him. I want to reconcile and work things out...but he said it was over for good. What do I do...NC? Link to comment
lawyer630 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 I am just so sad and confused... Link to comment
poloace Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 i'm realizing NC is great for a number of reasons. if i stay on the phone with her/try to contact her... the push/pull theory of how relationships work (or fail) is greatly evidenced. furthermore, there are a LOT of people out there. my gf was the hottest chick i'll ever date. ever. but, that's ok. what i loved about her beauty - i got sick of in her quiet personality. i've already met a few chicks within the month that have given + reinforcement that i should probably try my deal solo. so, go do your thing.. once he realizes that you're not sitting around waiting for him - he may come back. if not, there are plenty of people out there to meet. be glad this isn't happening after you're married. also, his patterns are suspect. he WILL come back. but, if you wait for it... you're doing your bargaining process in the relationship a great disservice. you need to be CONFIDENT in who you are (which is not defined by him). Link to comment
lawyer630 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Poloace, Great advice. Thank you. I do not know if you read my entire story, but my insecurities were due to him. I was always making excuses that he was young...he is 8 years my junior. I am a smart, sexy, young professional, who was always so confident. It seems as if he really did a number on me. I just do not understand why he can't just confess to his stupid lies on fb...wouldn't he if he really wanted it to work? And what was the 6 month break bs, if now he tells me that it will NEVER be? He told me that love is not enough, and that he loves me and would give his life for me, he can't be with me. Is he the one with major issues? Link to comment
lawyer630 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Polace, I have been trying to find your story. Care to share? Link to comment
Mayday11 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 ... I would be more curious as to circumstances surrounding the breakup. I would think when someone leaves you to pursue another relationship as opposed to other factors and stresses, that reconcilation would be far less likely. ? Not in my experience. The only breakup circumstances that I've seen that make reconciliation far less likely are cheating, abuse and opposing views on important issues like marriage, children, etc. One of my best friends dumped his girlfriend of two years to pursue other relationships. It was a common case of the "the grass is greener" syndrome. She did the begging and pleading for about a month and he just ended up moving onto another woman. After awhile, his ex began another relationship, too. They kept in touch a bit, maybe talking once or twice a month. After about a year after the breakup, they started hanging out again and realized they still had love for each other. They broke it off with the people they were seeing, got back together and just recently got married, as well. Pursuing other relationships after a breakup is quite common. After all, most people don't break up with someone if they think there isn't someone better out there for them. Seems like a lot of the time, there isn't. They'll get into a new relationship and it will be fine and dandy for awhile, but it usually lacks the familiarity and deep bond of their previous relationship (assuming they were in a long term relationship before). The couple that you know 10 years later....why did he break up with her originally? She didn't say and I didn't ask. I felt that asking a newly married woman why her husband broke up with her would be a little rude. Link to comment
poloace Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 you know what i used to do in 7th grade when a chick wouldn't want to dance with me? i'd go home - get a silk shirt and wear it to the next dance. i was then, irresistible. why? because, i carried an air of confidence in this lime green satin shirt that i still don't know if i've matched. listen - this kid is going to make you feel insecure because he's breaking up with you. take stock in who you are... what you're about... and understand that his existence should not make you feel happy. that should come from within. why do you want to dance with someone who doesn't want to dance with you right now? throw on your silk shirt (focus on yourself) and that confidence will be sexually exuded. i'm a 29 year old MD - didn't fully commit to my recent ex (will be 25 this week) - and, she spotted it. and, she then called it off. why? probably because my confidence, or lack thereof, led her to think that something was not right. listen, don't sweat him. you'll be good. Link to comment
majord23 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 you know what i used to do in 7th grade when a chick wouldn't want to dance with me? i'd go home - get a silk shirt and wear it to the next dance. i was then, irresistible. why? because, i carried an air of confidence in this lime green satin shirt that i still don't know if i've matched. listen - this kid is going to make you feel insecure because he's breaking up with you. take stock in who you are... what you're about... and understand that his existence should not make you feel happy. that should come from within. why do you want to dance with someone who doesn't want to dance with you right now? throw on your silk shirt (focus on yourself) and that confidence will be sexually exuded. Good analogy. Link to comment
lawyer630 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Great analogy indeed!!! You are right...I must try to focus on myself right now, and stop wondering what if. I just do not get why a man would not confess to lying, (even though I caught him in it), and continue to deny it. Such bs on fb....not even huge stuff. I mean, if he did in fact love me like he said he did, the smartest thing he could have done is fess up, deal with the consequences...which he knew I was willing to work with him and through our trust issues. I really do not need another friend. NC is the only way to go. I know that there are a lot of other "fish in the sea", but to find someone that you click with is rare. We were like two peas in a pod. Poloace, I truly hope that he will come back, I know in my heart we are so good together. I guess that he is too immature to fess up, he will see one day what a mistake he made. I think that you mentioned that you left NYC for an internship, or something like that. You know very well how lonely NYC can be... Link to comment
Mayday11 Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 Also, think of things this way: if reconciliations are so incredibly rare, why do the vast majority of people take issue with their boyfriend/girlfriend having contact with their ex? It's because the ex is a very real threat. They share a history, they share a bond, they know each other inside and out and they're obviously each other's type. Most of the girlfriends I had wouldn't bat an eye at me hanging out with my female friends. But if I were to hang out with an ex, they'd probably freak out. And I'd probably react the same if they were in contact with their ex's, too. Link to comment
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