I can't control my own emotion

[Azual]

I strongly dislike being jealous. I'd like to let that be known, right off the bat. Secondly, I am posting from an iphone, due to my computer being crashed. I feel like I need to project... Perhaps garner some advice... So please excuse misspellings or grammatical errors.

Thanks.

 

I am 17 years old and a recent High School Graduate. I also recently started dating my ex of roughly a month and a half, five days ago (Monday, noonish). My girlfriend is 14 years old. Some say it's a bridge too far to gap. I disagree, but - of course - my opinion is... Quite biased. She's emotionally strong, she's quite mature when compared to her friends (though there are those who are more mature than she), and she's intelligent.

 

At the time I boldly walked up to her, kissed her full-on and asked if she'd take me back, I was not the only guy attempting to win her over. I have a feeling only my bold action and the fact that we still deeply care for each other is the reason we're dating today.

 

I trust my girlfriend to do what's right. However, I have a general mistrust of people. I've been hurt. There is another guy who hung out with us today and it is known that he likes her. Right off the bat of meeting him, I felt jealous with him just being there. I hated it and retreated within myself. Tonight I spent 3 hours with my girlfriend, talking about her ex's, what happened. What I can do to be the guy she fell for. She assures me of a great deal of things... Mainly that she still cares very deeply for me. We are exclusive, and this other guy knows this. However he decided to drop by unexpectedly and unannounced today. After him and I left (my gf and her friend were getting picked up by friend's dad, who dislikes most guys) I was pent up... I couldn't eat, couldn't enjoy a movie. I was short fused with everyone.

 

So I spent three hours with her, talking and kissing and blah blah. Lots of talking. She says I have no reason to be jealous, that she is with me and not him. I understand that. I agree. But her friend took her phone and told me that this guy had texted her throughout the day, professing her feelings for her.

 

Part of me wishes I didn't know. Part of me is glad that I found out, but unhappy my gf didn't tell me. A larger part, my jealous side; Wonders why she didn't say anything... And instantly the flood comes.

 

Maybe she likes attention. Okay, okay. Who doesn't. Then comes Why doesn't she tell him to knock it off? He knows I exist, that she chose me over him. Then the kicker... Why didn't she tell me?

 

A friend of mine tells me it's natural. It's jus hormones and a male dominance thing. But she isn't property, and I'd never treat her as such. She knows this.

 

Maybe I just don't understand the need for attention. My self confidence has never been higher than when Ive been with her, but Im still jealous.

 

She's smart, witty, mature, attractive... I know guys are gonna hit on her. But I don't wanna show that Im jealous. Better yet, I don't want to be jealous.

 

If anyone can toss a light on this... What I can do about my own jealously issues or the other guy... I would greatly appeciate it.

Thanks

[Jelina]

I think your jealous because you are not confident about yourself. It most likely has nothing to do with her, because even if you were going out with another girl you still would be jealous. I think you should look at yourself, instead of trying to examine the situation with her. The fact that other guys are coming up to her while she is there doesn't help either, although it's obvious though that you would get jealous even if this guy wouldn't have showed up. You said you would get jealous if someone hits on her. You can't always be there so that everyone knows she's taken, your just going to have to accept it and trust her. Don't tell her not to talk to guys or what to do or not, you'll come off as controlling which you have no right to do. Where are you from? I think it's odd that your going out with a 14 yr old. Just keep in mind that this girl is 14, she will most likely not even settle for you, this girl hasn't even finished sophmore year of high school, she will want to date other people and experience different things. I don't think this will work out if your that jealous.

[Supa_gurl]

It is natural to feel this way. I would let her know that you know about his profession of feeling towards her, and tell her you are not too upset about it but in the future you would like for her to be more open and honest. I think the jealousy comes from your deep rooted feelings for her. But don't let that consume you.

[ZeldaPrinces]

I know what you mean about getting jealous.

I am a girl though and I get jealous so easily.

 

I think people worry about age gaps like that because most males your age want sex (which is not what most 14 year old girls want.)

 

If you don't want sex with her yet, then the age difference is not a big deal.

 

I wonder, like you, why she didn't tell you about the messages?

Did you get a chance to read her outbox? Did you confront her about it, did you tell her you knew he had been texting her?

 

Does she flirt with other guys? At that age, strong relationships are hard to come by because 14 year olds aren't really emotionally ready or mature enough to stick with one guy.

 

I know what you mean about it not being about self confidence. I am VERY confident about myself. But I am still jealous. Same with you.