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need advice, ex with stalking behavior (long read, but plz I need some advice)

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Hello all,

This is a long read, but I really really need some help and advice.

My past - met a guy on yahoo chat almost 5 yrs ago. Got along very well with him. He seemed like a decent guy. Introduced me to his friend who was in the UK, studying. The guy was otherwise decent. We became friends. 2 yrs later, I came to USA to study. The 2nd guy (that I was introduced to) proposed saying "I'm not in love with you. But would you consider me for marriage?" (Before you blast at me, plz keep in mind, I come from Eastern conservative culture, this was my 1st ever relationship. I was 25 yrs old and for the 1st time away from home in a different country) I said "lets keep talking to each other, lets get to know one another better" He seemed to agree but after a month or so started putting real pressure " say yes to marriage, say yes to marriage" (remember, he was all the time in UK, I'm all the time in the US since this "relationship" started). I had insecurities, was rejected by many men by that time and had my superficial criteria like education, etc. met in this man, so even if I wasn't sure I said yes. I really did believe that I couldnt have anyone better than him.

We continued to talk over the phone. He came to meet me here (after 1.5 yrs since he proposed). We got physically intimate (no sexual intercourse). I trusted him with my personal computer password and he found that my dating profile was still on. Instead of asking me anything about it, he went back to UK, cracked my password of yahoo email and kept a track of my emails for almost 2 weeks. (He later on admitted to have done all this, but when he sent me a file of my own emails, he kept saying our common friend did it, etc. etc.) I stopped talking to him for a while, was really stressed with all this. But due to insecurities n fear of not being able to find anyone else, got together with him again. I had to beg him to go visit my parents n decide about marriage. He did want to marry. But my parents were against our marriage.

All this while, we kept dragging our relationship, the more I decided to leave, the more afraid I became to be alone. I was new here, going through a real difficult schooling, not much money, no car, didn't have real friends, all I had was him. All the while, he did keep his dating profile on, completed his education in the UK, got a job, found someone online, matters got very close to marriage and he gave me an ultimatum "If you want to marry me, you have to apply for UK visa, come to UK. We'll go to our home country by a certain date, we'll get married. If not, I'm marrying this other girl. She has gotten involved in me." I said "I need time. (He had type 2 diabetes which he kept hidden from me and after I was enough hooked emotionally to him, he slowly reeled me into it, initially lying, then providing false blood test figures, finally admitting) I want to take a 2nd opinion on your disease. If my life is gonna get tied to yours, I need to know what I'm starting with. and what do you mean by if not you, I'll marry her? that means if not this ice-cream flavor, that one, but I gotta have ice-cream. so, if I dont come, I'll break my heart and you will marry her. If I do come, her heart will be broken. I'm not coming. I need time" I didn't call him since then. All this happened in last year around this time. He indeed got married on a date that he had said he will get married on.

Here is the strange part - 1) came back from his wedding in his country. Called me around 5 am UK time, his wife by his side, to introduce his bride to me.

2) called me from office a week after that, crying, "I miss you, you did this to me, you did that to me. I'm not happy. What do I do?"

3) Went to honeymoon. Came back to UK. It was my birthday. Sent me an email wishing happy birthday. said "I'll always love you"

4) called and emailed again saying "lets be friends. I forgave you. I hope you've as well"

5) called again asking for the same. I made it crystal clear that "I'm not interested in talking with him. He is now married and he needs to wake up to that reality" Him "I'm gonna keep an eye on you and see what dumbhead you marry. You'll never get anyone better. You'r always gonna stay single. Who is gonna marry u?"

6) Now calls but blocks his phone no. calls and if I answer, doesnt say a word. My cell phone is also not able to pick up his phone no.


I want to move on with my life. I understand that there were red flags that I couldnt understand as red flags then. and my insecurities kept me from taking a firm step and say no to him. I realize all that. I accept my mistakes. But I hate his stalking behavior. He has a visa to come to the US. He knows where I stay. He knows my home phone no., my email ID, my cell no., everything. What in the world can I do to keep my sanity intact? He cracked my yahoo account, so I closed it. He now has my gmail ID that I created after my yahoo account was closed. He knows where my parents stay. Gmail sent me an email x3 saying that I requested for a password change (I did not). Is there an escape? I'm bright in my school (but not so bright in where to invest my emotions, I guess), 28, never married, this was my 1st ever relationship. I'm devastated. I'm thinking if death will liberate me from all this. The guy really did seem decent. I didn't know about his stalking behavior until 1.5 yrs later. I did make a mistake in continuing. Now what can I do?


Please help. Your comments are really appreciated. Sorry for the long post. I wanted to give a clear picture. I'm really afraid. I've lost sleep over night. Please help. Thank you.

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Looks like he has a hard time letting go and committed to an new relationship too early too. His is problem, not yours. Maybe just give him what he wants, open a social networking page where he can follow how you stay single and end up with a dumbhead, but make sure you emotionally detach from what he thinks about it.


You said you want to move on with your life, well, just do it! (nike aproach). You are a smart young woman, I'd offer you a date in the blind if there weren't an ocean between us with the sole expectation that I get your pinky toe wet on your way.

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