Quite a bit complicated

[lizabeth]

I didnt really know where this should go, so i just stuck it under relationships in general. I feel kinda stupid posting here, but i really need some objective advice. About three months ago i came out of a relatively long relationship, about a year. (im 18, so it seemed like ages to me anyway) It was a pretty messy breakup for numerous reasons. Anyway that isnt the issue, that is just background knowledge.

A month or so ago i was talking to a good friend, Reece, and we both discovered that we had feelings for each other, but i didnt want to get involved in another relationship so soon after the last, and besides he was leaving on holidays a couple of days afterwards, so we left it open ended. He's been on holidays for about a month and wont be back for about 2 or 3 weeks, but we talk every night.

But that isnt the problem either, the problem is that i talk to this guy in America, Scott. We've known each other for about a year or so, and after my break up we started flirting a fair bit via msn and phone, and doing some other stuff But i never really took it seriously, i mean he lives in america....and im in australia. He knew that it wasnt serious (i made sure he did), but he's always wanted to get out of America, and after he discovered how much more teachers are paid over here he decided to come and finish his degree over here. So it's all settled, he's coming mid next year, in about 11 months. Thus my dilema. Scott likes me a lot, and i have to say that i like him as well. Which for me is very confusing, how is it possibly to really really like two guys at the same time?

Reece is coming back in a few weeks, and we'd be able to be together properly, i like him a lot, and he's told me that he loves me. But im going to university next year, it's a long way away from here, and i dont know that we'd last. Scott on the other hand is thousands of miles and 11 months away, but when he gets here we'd be going to the same university and there is a chance that we'd work out. (i know that although there are plenty of other logical reasons for him moving to australia, im the main motivation) But i dont want a long distance relationship, and what if we didnt last the 11 months until he got here or what if it didnt work out once he gets here. I dont want to miss out on anything special with Reece, but by the same token i dont know if Scott would be able to wait around to find out. At the moment im in a quasi relationship with both of them, and i dont want to do that. It makes me feel like such a * * * * .

Reece would be the safer bet for now at least, and he's such a great guy, we get along so well. But a relationship with Scott, though riskier and far less conventional would possibly be more rewarding in the long run. He understands things really well and cheers me up so much when im depressed, which has been happening a lot recently. (but that is another problem entirely)

Anyway, i know that was a long winded story, for which i am sorry. But i really need some objective advise on the subject, all of my friends are entirely biased on it. In any case writing it all out has at least helped me to get my mind a little clearer.

[Xetra Dax]

You know the saying: Never walk with your legs in two buckets of water.

 

And this is your problem, your flirting with too many guys at the same time, all these guys fall in love with you and because (even tho you don't feel that way) to them you are hinting them that they have a future with you, is why they fly all the way from America to Australia just so they can have sex with you, even marry you.

 

 

Look: You've gotta set more clear boundries. For yourself, and for others.

 

 

I know very much on what you need to do.

 

Its sad for Reece, but you are going to university, it is imminent that you goto Uni, so that means you will end up with Scot (most likely) , that means its pointless to start a relationship with Reece, so he's out.

 

Besides , you haven't had time to heal yet from your previous relationship, so its not a good idea to jump into a new relationship so soon.

 

Second, is maby both you and Scott will finish uni around the same time, if things are still going on then between you two, you might can get a decent future with him being graduated from Uni.

 

Below are relationship lifelessons, read them.

 

 

i learned lessons that.....god willing, i will never forget or consciously repeat. i cannot go through that again. i am not willing to tangle with sick ppl anymore. i know there is nothing there for me. i am not willing to go around getting hastily and easily involved. i am not going to throw my life away for someone who doesnt care about me. i am not going to let men control me. i am going to listen to my instincts. i will do what i need to do to take care of me. i will spend time with my sister and ppl who genuinely like me. i will keep searching for real friends....the kind that remember me and forgive me and like me and want to know what's going on in my life.

 

i now know that relationships have to be mutual.....it has to come more easily, there has to be give and take.....one person cannot do all the initiating and contacting. i now know how heavy and saddening loss can be. i know that i do not want anyone abusive in my life in the slightest way....it is not worth it. i have only lost and been hurt, i have never gained. i want ppl who will uplift me and make me feel happy, ppl who ask about my life because they care. i want to be around a guy that makes me laugh and smile, who tries to impress me, who thinks i am adorable, and special, and who tries to make things work with me. i want a guy that will choose me over his friends because

 

he thinks i am precious (though i would not want to put him in that choice). i want a life with positives.......i want someone funny who shares my sense of humor...i want someone who likes spending time with me, who thinks i am sexy, who enjoys my body but also who i am as a person....i want to be kissed with open mouth kisses......i dont want a guy who turns his head away and wont kiss me. i want to be a kind, caring, giving person - i have seen an ugly side of a human being,

 

and i consciously choose not to be that ugly inside. i realize that the only person that i need to look to to take care of me.......has been with me all along. it is myself!! here i was all the time..... i was running and running away from me. i could not like myself...i made bad choices, i was so sick. but im not willing to be like that.....i have an eternity to die but a brief moment to live so that no matter how painful, i will live my life through.

 

i almost feel like it is love lost (but i mean, it was only two dates, silly me)....i really do like him as a person. but at least i still have me. and god willing, there will be more happiness, laughter, and humor in my life as well as forgiveness, health, and clarity.

 

i told him that i was sad about what happened. and he said he was too.

 

thanks for reading. and please pray good will for me if u can. i think i've been through too much junk.

 

also have to add, i dont think i should be dating anyways. im too screwed up and i have too many issues to think clearly. it's good for me to be single and gain some independence......i am so reliant and attached to men, i am completely boy crazy sometimes. this way i am forced to be strong no matter how much i hate it.

 

if only i could just cry this all out and let go of the feelings. life is pretty weird. i never really wanted him until i couldnt have him.

 

Part 2

 

personal things i've learned from my break up

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I've heard that one part of healing from a break up is to come to conclusions about things you have learned from the relationship and break-up. I've learned some things in my personal relationship, and I just felt like sharing:

 

1) I've learned that I need to trust who I am with. I was very insecure with him. Basically, I need someone who will not fuel insecurities...someone that I know is into me and who does not have a wandering eye.

 

2) I need to stand up for my beliefs no matter how much a guy pressures me to make him happy...I need to recognize that I have a desire to please, and that can be exploited.

 

3) I shouldn't condemn a relationship when entering it.

 

4) When I know its over, I need to accept that.

 

5) I don't want a guy with a lot of female friends.

 

6) Don't allow yourself to get emotionally involved before you are ready to be emotionally involved.

 

7) Don't allow yourself to get physically involved, either!

 

9) Forgive.

 

10) Don't take it personal if the guy turns out to be a mean person...especially if you did not know him.

 

11) Look at a man's actions, not his words.

 

12) Understand that with every relationship, there is a risk for pain and hurt b/c you allow yourself to be vulnerable.

 

13) I've learned how to be Stronger, how to take pain in a way that I've never known....and perhaps to fuel that pain into something more positive.