How To Get Them To Leave You Alone (Nicely)

[ILikeHockey]

For the full story, I've got a ton of other essay threads here that you can check out, but I'll keep it as brief as possible.

 

I can't just ignore my ex (she broke up with me, since I'm sure that matters here). We're going to a couple concerts in a month, and I can't exactly get out of it (she's got my ticket for one and I've got hers for the other), exchanging tickets and then getting out of each others lives isn't an option (really unfair to her, she's got no one else to go with). So, ignoring her attempts at contact or whatever, it'll just make things worse for the concerts.

 

I've told her at least half a dozen times that I want to do NC until we have to plan rides to the shows. I've explained to her WHY I want that. I've told her that I'm not her friend, and that I don't want to be her friend (I agreed to the concerts in a significantly more messed up emotional state than I'm in now).

 

Yet, she can't leave me alone for more than a week. I've gotten very good at not breaking NC. Her, not so much. Every time our conversations end with her agreeing that she won't contact me until its time to figure out rides. And every time, within a week, she gets in touch because she misses talking to me. So, how do I, without ending up making things more awkward than they have to be for the concerts, get her to stop contacting me for a few weeks? Do I just suck it up and deal with her getting in touch for the next few weeks (I'm handling it a lot better than I was a few weeks ago)? After the concerts, I have no problem ignoring communication from her. Its just this time in between.

 

Any advice on how to get her to leave me alone for a few weeks would be much appreciated

[ILikeHockey]

Oh wow. So apparently tonights conversation was because she realizes that she wants me back. Score one for NC?

 

 

But, this is gonna take a ridiculous amount of thought, talking things out, and taking things crazy slow. And another thread. Thanks for, well, reading this one I guess (I'd like to keep it open and alive so I can look back on it later, if thats alright with everyone).

[AJ Auteur]

That ticket stuff is a bunch of BS. If the situation was serious you'd go NC and take a hit on the tickets if you have too. Your using NC as a tool of manipulation when its meant as a way to heal.

 

A simple answer to how to get her to leave you alone for awhile is suffocate her with love and attention. She'll soon remember why she dumped you in the first place.

[ILikeHockey]

You know AJ, when I first read your post, I was going to argue with you. Tell you that I can appreciate the harsh-reality you attempted to put into your post, but that it simply didn't apply in my case.

 

However (and while I still feel like the ticket stuff isn't nearly as much BS as you say, since there's more to it than I've posted, involving other people and my somewhat twisted view that seeing my favourite band should take priority over my emotional well-being), after thinking it over, I'm becoming inclined to agree with you on why I went NC. I don't think it was a very conscious decision (I certainly don't think I ever came to the conclusion that by going NC I would make her want me back and that was the only reason to do it). But, subconsciously, it does seem to me, from some thoughts I've been having (about how she'll almost certainly tell me that she wants me back after the concerts), that you're right. Its definitely done its job in helping me heal, so I've been getting the right results, but for the wrong reasons. And even then, I can't even imagine how I'd feel if she didn't want me back after the concerts, so... maybe the results I'm getting aren't as permanent as they seem?

 

I'm not exactly sure on the point of this whole post, but its 2 in the morning, and I'm rambling and can't exactly sleep after she told me she wants me back (and I was dead tired before that), so I'm probably writing about nothing.

[AJ Auteur]

Maybe manipulation was a bit of a harsh word for your situation. By deciding when to communicate you take control of the situation more and don't advertise weakness. Attraction grows in space. Whatever your goal is or whatever it is you want from her keep alittle space, alittle distance and focus on being who you want to be. familiarity is a relationship killer. She sounds alittle exhausting though...ideally trust would be the highest bond but even so keep a few boundaries and stay focused on your life.