I don't know if I have the problem, or he does.

[mberard3]

My husband just started a new job, and he has been taking off for lunches, with a girl that he works with. (He told me he was brought into the office and told not to associate with her because of her negativity towards the company) He says he takes lunch with her because she smokes and so does he, and they have to leave the grounds. I told him I am not comfortable with this, so he said he would not do it again. Today I went to his office to pick him up for lunch, and I saw him walking out of the office with her to go to her car, I am pretty sure he saw my car, and he turned around and went back into the building. (He does not answer his phone when he is at work, so I can not call him to say I am picking him up for lunch) When he came back out he was not at all surprised to see me, when I asked him why he went back in, he said he did not see me, and that he was just checking the weather so he could use his phone outside. I did not get upset with him, I took his answer at face value, and was happy to see him, but as the minutes went by, he became very angry with me, and jumped out of the car without saying anything else.

 

I don't know that I believe him any longer, there is a history of problems that have really tried my trust in the past, many, many times. He has a mental disorder, he is bi polar, so if I have a concern, and I voice it to him, he freaks out, to the point of extreme violence.

 

He tells me about their conversations, and it seems to me that they have become very close in a short period, or she just gives up far too much info to someone she only met one week ago.

 

He always has an answer for everything, and today he became quite upset with me in regards to this situation. He asked me why I am concerned about her and not the guys in the office. I said she is the one he goes for lunches with.

 

I don't think it is right for a married man to be going on lunch breaks in a young girl's car. Am I crazy? or is this wrong?

[nutbrownhare]

When I was a young girl, and worked in an office (a depressingly long time ago!), I often went for lunches with male colleagues. Some of them were married. All we ever did was have lunch - I'd have been horrified if they'd tried anything else!

 

He tells you about their conversations; sounds as though she's a young girl confiding in a father figure (you don't say how old your husband is, but the fact that you refer to her as a young girl makes me think he's significantly older).

 

To be honest, the person with whom he lunches is a really minor problem compared to the problems of living with someone who's bipolar and potentially violent. Are you getting any support in this?

[redhearts]

Checking the weather to use his phone? Sorry but the biggest amount of crisshing because theres a work phone eh? Hes married hanging out in a young co workers car who happens to be female is wrong. If she had a negative effect or was negative to the company ya think they would of fired her. I mean if he goes out to have lunch somewhere hes just making friends as you could think and eating with someone.

[redhearts]

Wait is this double posted?

[Seraphim]

I am sorry it is not appropriate for him to being doing that. The only reason he got mad was cause he was lying. From what I know many bi polar people have issues with promiscuity. I am sorry for your troubles. My father was violent as well. You will need therapy and support for yourself too because mental illness is very difficult to deal with.I know how you feel my father is extremely bipolar and my husband has his own mental issues.

[Love_Music]

I wouldn't like it at all...I think he's obviously lying to you about something....if the girl

 

was that bad, they woulda fired her by now.....and he was checking the weather outside

 

to use his phone????? He basically insulted your intelligence by even saying that to

 

you.....don't fall for something like that....i suggest you sit him down and talk to him

 

about the way you feel....if he gets all mad or whatever because you are concerned,

 

then that would be a red flag to me....i know a LOT of bi polar people that have healthy

 

relationships, so don't let be his excuse....good luck

[mberard3]

No support I need to find some.

 

I myself have had lunch with many male co workers as well, my husband is different, he has a history of infidelity, not with me, he used to tell me how beautiful he thought our best friend's wife was, and ask her to have his baby over and over again. I can't describe how he is in one paragraph.. it is exasperating, he is always asking me to find a girl to have a threesome with, when I tell him I won't do it, he says he will find some one to do it with. He spent a weekend with a prostitute, and told me nothing happened. I stay because he is ill, and I am married to him, I made a commitment, but it is killing me!

 

He is better now, he is on different meds, that help a great deal, but he slips every now and then, and I just don't know what to trust!!

[mberard3]

sorry, i tried to edit, and don't know what happened, so it probably is

[mberard3]

thank you all for your help and advice, this is so difficult to try and sort through by oneself.

[Seraphim]

HUG I am sorry.

[nutbrownhare]

Mberard3 - I'm amazed and impressed that you're still with this guy; in the light of your previous experiences of him, the 'having lunch' is nothing really!!!

 

For your own sanity, get some help and support - online, wherever, but don't even try to go through this on your own. I have often been present in reviews of mental health patients where the consultant has been more concerned about the relatives/partners of the patient than the person themselves. After all, he's on meds - but what's there to see you through the fallout of his actions?

[ZeldaPrinces]

I know its hard, but maybe a separation or divorce is neccesary.

Sounds very suss. Have you seen Love Actually? Although it is only a movie, many older married men get bored of their old looking wives. Its sad but true.

I'd say watch out. Seems like he may be lying to you.