Meeting girls

[Tom_Bombadil]

I've always been a shy person. Because of this its always been hard for me to make new friends. I do have a circle of friends that I've known since high school so thats cool. My problem is is that I haven't had a gf in three years and I haven't even met any nice women I would connect with. I do like women, but truth be told I'm terrified of them. At my age (I'm 25) you'd think I would have learned enough about women to have a successful love life but i know almost nothing about women. I've never even had a relationship that lasted over 3 months. Pretty pathetic, huh? I guess I'm insecure and embarrassed over my lack of experience of being in a long lasting relationship with someone you love and trust. Just about all my friends have had long-term relationships at one point or another.

I've heard that women like taller men as they enjoy looking up into their mans eyes. I'm only 5'5 though. I have been going to the gym for over a year and I have bulked up in muscle, but nothing has changed.

People tell me that making more female acquaintances will help. But thats part of the problem. I have no female friends as I don't know how I should act or behave around women. Its been 3 years and thats a long time. You'd think my luck would have changed for the better by now but I guess not. Maybe I just wasn't meant to be loved. Anyways I'm sorry if this is so long.

[Ash]

Back when I was 25, I also knew nothing about women. That's not an unusual way to be at all. Now I'm 40, and I still know next to nothing about women it seems some days. That's just the way it is with us guys, most of us aren't all that adept at figuring the ladies out at times. We just have to work around it.

 

It sounds like there are two things going on here. One is the fact that you claim to be shy, and aren't meeting new people. The other is that all your relationships have been short term so far. I suspect these two things may not be related.

 

It is hard to meet women. You have to get out to the places the nice women are, the places they are relaxed and acting normally in. This may not be a bar or a club. The gym would seem to be a reasonable place, but try coffee shops etc. instead. Another really good place to meet people is at volunteer organizations. Get yourself involved in some volunteer group in your community. That's a completely different setting. Don't go after the women, make friends first. See what happens. They night have friends who would like to meet a nice guy like you, one that gives his time to others. A third place is taking some evening courses at a community college. The self improvement type. Again, a relaxed, non threatening environment.

 

If you're concerned about your height, wear shoes that elevate you a bit, I think they'd be available. If it increases your confidence, then it should be helpful. Don't put too much emphasis in bulking up. There are women who like this in a man, but personality is everything.

 

Remember that women like to be complimented, pampered, remembered and appreciated for who they are. Make this part of how you live. This will not only help you meet people provided you are sincere, but give you a better idea of the things you have to do to keep that lovely lady in your life. Treat her with respect and compassion, and you'll remain popular with her for a lot longer.

 

Women do like nice guys. And yes, nice guys do get burned. But so do the not so nice guys. They lose out just as much, if not more. Perhaps they don't care as much. So, the conclusion there is to always be a nice guy. Mostly things will work out better for you, and being a nice person is something you can strive for if you're not there already. You sound like you're on your way there though.

 

Good luck.

[Heretic]

Hey Tom! Welcome eNotalone.

 

Your problem as Ash has stated is fairly common. Guys don't know much about women and anyone who claims they do knows even less.

 

Your problem isn't your personality but your confidence. It's also your apologetic nature. Women find it cute when you say sorry the first few times but after that you'll find it's more of an annoyance. I know that's really a huge assumption to make but that's also a classic "nice guy" mistake.

 

As for meeting people I couldn't agree with Ash more. Try to meet someone, even at the gym and then get to know their friends. Look at it this way:

 

The odds of anyone being compatible with anyone else isn't all the high so it's best to meet lots of people before you commit yourself. If you click with someone then by all means go for it, but expanding your social circles is a must.

 

It's important to find people that like you for you. Anyone else isn't worth your time. So relax and just be yourself around women, dont' worry about what they think.