Advice!!!

[Cate_81]

I have been with my partner for about 6 months. He is 29 I am 27 We spent a fair bit of time together during the first few months. He works away 2 weeks on 2 weeks off and it was a pretty cosy relationship i.e. picking him up from the airport when he was due home, him spending most of his time at my place while he was back here and just “hanging out”. While he was away he would call every day and when he was back here if we didn’t find the time to catch up he was always in contact via text messages or phone calls. I went on a holiday to Thailand in June this year with some friends, he started acting really strange – I called him and he said to me that he will be going to work before I get home so we wouldn’t see each other for about 5 weeks in total. During this conversation he said it’s OK if you sleep with other people “what happens on tour stays on tour”. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up in shock, I thought about this for a few minutes and phoned him back. I asked “Why did you say that” he said “ I just though you already would have been getting a bit off someone while you’re over there” I replied “I couldn’t do that I’m not like that, would you do it if you were on holidays” he replied “I don’t know”, so I just said well if that’s how you feel there really is no point us being together because I am not a casual relationship person, he said OK.

 

Not long after the conversation ended, he sent me a text asking to transfer $400.00 into his account as he has no money for rent, food, cigarettes etc. Being the stupid person I am I did it. This is not the only time he has asked for money and I have always gone ahead and given it to him.

 

When I got home from Thailand he was also at home as he never went to work. He did not make an effort to see me once, he has been asking if I want to see him, I say yes, make the plans the day before, ask him about it the next day and he would ignore me. So after those other times he has asked if I want to see him I just say no.

 

The past 4 months he has been going to work and every time he has left his last comment is “we will see where we stand and sort it out when I get back”. I am sick of hearing this.

 

In the past 6 months I have lent in total to him $8400.00. Which he has swore to pay back by the end of the year.

 

The last time he asked me for money was when he went out with mates drinking up on a Friday Night and then asked for $300.00 the Saturday afternoon after to put on the horses. I never gave him money to put on race horses but I am assuming this is where the majority of the $8,000.00 has gone.

 

He told me last night he has a gambling problem, he asked me to wait until he sorted the problem out by himself, he also said it should not take long form him to get back to normal – Then when he has his crap sorted to go back to him and just see what happens.

 

What I need to know is what is going on? I cannot figure this out……Does anyone have any advice?

[star2008]

About the money.. Tell him in advance you won't give him any more money until he pays you back. And stick to it. He's smart enough to not starve.

 

I think he's feeling insecure. When you said "if that's how you feel... there's no point us being together." I think he took it to heart. Especially now that you say no when he asks if you want to see him. His comments of "seeing where you stand" sound like he doesn't have faith in you two staying together. Him suspecting you of cheating suggests either he's really insecure or maybe he's done it himself.

 

I assume you do want to see him? (If you don't you might as well break up with him.) So pretending you don't want to see him doesn't get you what you want. But you need to talk to him so he doesn't ignore you.

 

The question is what do you want? How long will you wait for him? It may take a lot longer than expected for him to get his act together. Like years or never. Will you wait that long?

Don't put your life on hold for him.

[AmIafool]

Hmmm... he might have a gambling addiction and he keeps asking you for money... I really, really don't like what I've read here. I feel like this guy could be using you to fund his gambling problem. Do not give him any more of your hard earned money.

 

I also find his attitude over you going to Thailand strange. Why would he assume you were going to hook up with other guys? Sounds to me like that's something he would do. It sounds like he was giving you "permission" to do this. Why would someone give it out unless they wanted it themselves at some point?

 

I have a bad, bad feeling about this one. I think you would be wise to let this one go.