CynicalGuitarist Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 I've decided I've gotta do it. Every day gets worse and more pointless than the last. Work work work. My life has been nothing but trite redundancy and wasted energy. So what if I know some slightly complicated words? That doesn't make ANYTHING better. I try %110 at anything I do, and that's nothing more than wasted energy 'cause the results always end up the same as if I didn't try. There's nothing good I can say about myself. I'm a horrible person; a big mistake. I've done nothing beneficial for anybody (including, but not starting with myself). I'm nothing but a waste of resources. Even my baby niece hates me; she doesn't even want me to touch her. Sadly, all these problems are my fault. Even worse, I can't just undo the bullcrap I made like people have told me I could; life doesn't work that way. I would need a time machine to improve my life. My life's nothing more than one big lie. I'm lied to on a daily basis, and it's ironic that this bothers me because I cannot even begin to tell anyone how much "real life" sickens me. I feel like Pink from "Pink Floyd's The Wall" where he tries to care for the wounded rat, but when he goes to check back up on it, he finds it dead. I feel like this everyday with every thing I do. What I really wish I could do is go to Seattle and train with him link removed , but I don't have NEARLY enough money to do so. UGH, I HATE HATE HATE my voice (ironic, because my greatest dream is to become a famous vocalist in an art/prog-esque band). It's awful even listening to myself talk. I literally sound retarded, and it makes me wanna cry (but I can't, I don't even know how to cry anymore). Don't get me wrong, I hate god too. ANYONE, given omnipotence and omnipresense can do a better job (if there even IS a god) than this sphere of crap called planet Earth. Foolishly, I'm still alive because I have unrealistic hope that my life MIGHT actually improve. I can't wait for the world to end, even if it drags me down too. Supposedly, the "Lucifer Project" (look it up, people) is gonna wipe out most of the population, and if it IS true, I hope I'm one of them. I don't want this life anymore. I want to be NOTHING. I want to feel like I did before I even existed in the first place, 'cause feelings are nothing more than a curse. Too much to bear? Sooooo negative that it's ruining your honky-dory day!? That's ok, just gaze at my avatar for a bit, forget about the post I just wrote, and have a cookie. you'll feel better. Link to comment
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